Brandon Kaitschuck: Living With Purpose & Discovering the Higher Self

This week our guest is one of Jon Cerone's close friends, Brandon Kaitschuck. Brandon, in his raw, authentic voice, takes us on his tumultuous journey from being a rebellious 15-year-old experimenting with marijuana, to spiraling into addiction involving cocaine, opiates and even fentanyl.

It wasn't a smooth ride to recovery for Brandon. He candidly shares the darkest periods of his battle with addiction, recounting his desperate attempts for escape and spiritual validation. Through multiple rehab visits and a struggle with sobriety that stretched from his high school years to his post college life, Brandon elaborates on how his continued journey to wellness and personal growth lead him to finally understanding what it means to live an authentic life.

With a new found appreciation for life, Brandon discusses with us everything from his physical fitness journey to his passion for music and his strategies to stay accountable. We delve deep into how his struggle with addiction and subsequent recovery has shaped his outlook on life to the point where he is determined to publish books to aid others in the same battles that he has fought. This episode is a testament to how a life riddled with addiction can be turned around, and serves as an inspiring guide on how to regain control of one's life.

Don't forget to check out Episode 37 with Brandon's band TOED on why music is such an important part of wellness!

Stay up and FEEL FREE

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Welcome back to the Feel Free podcast, the only podcast that'll tell you to chase your dreams, call you out on all your bullshit, myself included. I'm your host, john Sarone. This week we got Brandon K Chuck here to talk about recovery, sobriety, wellness and all that other good stuff, inspiring a motivational story about what led him to change his life and get back on his horse, start caring about everything that is mental, physical, emotional well-being. He's also one of the members of the band Toad. They were on a couple of weeks ago to talk about how music is an important part of wellness. Don't forget to listen to that episode. Also a good one this week, with Brandon's going to be a good one.

Speaker 1: 0:46

I think that the following week we're going to have a solo podcast. For all you people that don't really enjoy the solo podcast. You don't have to listen to it. You're going to be taking a different route on that, one other than just updates on my life got something planned. I think I will be up in the upper peninsula of Michigan for some well-needed creativity time out in nature, which spurred me to do a solo podcast that should be coming out in a couple of weeks. Stay tuned for the rest of the episode yeah, stay up and feel free, let's see.

Speaker 2: 1:23

Where do I? You want to give me a general question to get us kicked off?

Speaker 1: 1:30

When did your journey with addiction started?

Speaker 2: 1:31

Yeah, man Journey with addiction started back in the day I believe I was 15 years old. It all started with a magical plant called marijuana, which that can't be addicting because it's a plant, right. So that was the thought. But man, I really I look back at it there was no one that liked smoking weed as much as I did at that point. Social group, social setting by myself and it got to a point to where I remember when my first really got a pretty good high from marijuana as a 15-year-old and I was like this is it? This solves my feeling of sadness, of isolation, anxiety. That was my cure for a while. It wasn't very sustainable, given the fact that, I mean it smells. Your parents find out you can't sustain, have a sustainable life and just constantly be smoking weed all the time, or doing any drugs for that matter, but it was very socially acceptable among my peers in high school. So, dealt with that for a while, man 16, started drinking a little bit, experimenting with Xanax, benzos, did some drinking. It wasn't long before and this is all just going to be rough estimate timelines, but eventually that led into some serious just. I had a lot of conflict with my parents. They don't come from, I guess, a real history of drug use. They were 80s teenagers so they did some partying and drinking and that was kind of always the more socially acceptable thing. But they were never marijuana users or drug users. So it was really difficult on them to know that I was doing this stuff and it created a lot of animosity and distrust that eventually led to an inpatient rehab.

Speaker 2: 3:32

I went to rehab when I was an adolescent, 16 years old I was either I believe I was 16 the first time had some sobriety for about three months, ended up going back, ran away from home, did that whole charade when I was about 17,. Ran away from home, failed out of high school for a quarter. I remember just being like fuck you, fuck you, I just completely checked out, man. And that wasn't like me. I was always someone who cared about performing well, at least academically. I wasn't so much an athlete, but I was very interested in school and projects and presentations. That was kind of like I got a lot of enjoyment out of that. So went to school, got like a 0.0. Eventually I agreed to going back to rehab. That was actually the second time I went back.

Speaker 2: 4:25

I recall it was a very bad, bad mushroom trip dude. The mushrooms can do that shit here, right? They could really be spooky. It was the best of times. It was the worst of times, right? The tale of two mushrooms, as I like to put it. So I've stayed with my uncle and I remember my parents. They were obviously in contact with the school therapists, people within the adolescent psychology community, and they learned the best thing you can do to get your son back is to use love, right, not anger and force, and to just put that love in. So I stayed with my uncle for a week when I was runaway. He was driving me to school and they had like a family photo album and I bought like a quarter ounce of mushrooms prior to staying with him and I remember like, oh, I'm going to trip balls at his place and grab a bunch of orange juice, mind you, like, this is a time where I'm obviously in a very bad spot, the orange juice, like with the shroom.

Speaker 1: 5:29

Oh man, that's that spot.

Speaker 2: 5:31

I was 17, runaway, depressed, hated my life, failing out of school angry as fuck. I hit my parents angry at myself. You know no sense of direction and I ate a bunch of mushrooms and I chugged that orange juice and that was a fucking scary night. I started seeing the devil in the walls at his place and I cried. I cried myself to sleep that night. So I was going through the photo album like pictures of me and my family. It was just like a bed. It was a very good thing to happen, but bad thing to happen. So I called my mom the day. I was like I'll go to rehab, you get me the fuck out of here. I got it, I got to do something, and so that was the catalyst for that man.

Speaker 2: 6:15

You know, there were periods of sobriety after that. My high school graduation was dry, so I was in intensive outpatient with other people my age that were teenagers looking to get sober. There was a lot of alcoholics, anonymous narcotics, anonymous 12 step programs that I was involved in at that age, and groups, groups, social settings, social groups. Through that time period I had been to roughly 10 to 20 funerals of people my age that have died from drug overdoses. I, you know, going into college I lost my best friend at the time, steve Sharon. Rest in peace from a heroin overdose From. He met a girl when he was in rehab that was recovering heroin act and she relapsed and he got into the dope and ended up killing himself. It had to be one of the first times of him using it. So that was rough and, yeah, went to college, kind of started back up right. Started back up with the weed freshman year. I believe that's around the time when I met you.

Speaker 2: 7:13

We were kind of out doing our own things, party scene a little bit and that is when I met you. Yeah, there's some other characters that were involved in that story as well, and it was. That was a wild and fun year. I was able to sustain a level of success academically using the I guess you could call it the moderated marijuana alcohol Dude, I fuck.

Speaker 1: 7:37

I was doing everything, though.

Speaker 2: 7:38

I was. Yeah, I was doing a lot of shit. Yeah, I was taking pills, like, but I believe, like I had gone so hard in high school that I'm like, okay, like I can, I was able to sustain at least good grades, right, that's what it was. I was very active and extracurricular. You know, I wasn't doing community service and shit, but I was doing the fuck out of class. So I probably got like a 3.5, 3.6 grade point average.

Speaker 2: 8:04

Freshman year I started studying Mandarin Chinese, which became a real interest of mine. So, as I would go around kind of like everyone liked to smoke all the time at Grand Valley, right, so we would go take cruises, we'd go to people's houses. If I was at your house smoking weed with you, I had my fucking Chinese book in my hand and I was studying Mandarin, I was doing my homework, I was having fun. I'm like, dude, we smoke so much weed that I literally have to take all my homework with me and do it while we get high. And it worked for me. I figured it out. So I learned. I learned Chinese while I was high for a year and that was so that was sustainable. Got into MDMA pretty hardcore that following summer that was the summer of the first electric forest. It was a summer of 2013. We had dabbled into Bitcoin. Bitcoin was around $60 back then.

Speaker 2: 8:53

We were getting plethora of things for the utilization of Bitcoin in marketplaces and, yeah, I thought I was living the life of just a fucking, just outlaw king. Like you know. Ego, ego, psychedelics, lsd, dimethyl, tryptamine, like you, you name, like it was a unreal experience. It was. It was crazy. There was death, lost, another friend who had overdosed that summer, fucking so much shit. This is in this summer, so the summer of 2013,. Right Was the summer of basically like this is kind of like the summer of love, the summer of psychedelics. Right, for our generation, this was when EDM dubstep were becoming more prominent. It's huge.

Speaker 1: 9:37

EDM culture right.

Speaker 2: 9:38

A lot of these big names it was. It was a pivotal moment, like in society. So you had all. You had this catalyst, catalyst for like just a perfect storm, right. And I, just I went too deep that summer.

Speaker 2: 9:55

I came back the next year, complete ego, death, like extreme depression, no sense of self or who. I was just like quite literally afraid of my fucking shadow, like afraid of existing man, like there were there were times where I almost checked myself in to a psychiatric institution and I largely attribute that to a. Well, it wasn't MDMA at the time, it was BK MDMA, it was meth alone, right, but that shit was that was neurotoxic as fuck. So that was a changing point where I had made some changes and I was humbled by that. There was a lot of growth. I, although I didn't get sober at that point in life, there was like this feeling of like a rebirth, like I feel like I changed as a person, I became more aware socially, I started caring more about other people and I just kind of realized that I'm not, I'm not this God, right, I'm not God, I'm a human that can be destroyed and brought to the point of wanting to, to no longer exist. So you, know that was.

Speaker 2: 11:00

That was a learning experience Eventually. Yeah, we'll see where does that put us. Okay, get back to school. Do a couple of years at Grand Valley, fucking, still still using drugs, but stopped using the ecstasy. The ecstasy stopped. There was dabbling and opiates. Oh, this is why I kind of started getting into cocaine.

Speaker 1: 11:20

So, yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, because you might have to help me remember this shit, man, it's like a, you know 16 years of drug use After your junior year at Grand Valley, because I was gone for a year when I had failed out. When I came back the second time around at Grand Valley, that was when. That was when we started getting closer and started hitting on.

Speaker 2: 11:41

Was that when I was at Enclave? Yeah, yeah, that was when you were well, first.

Speaker 1: 11:46

Actually, first it was when you were in the business college, right next to me.

Speaker 2: 11:50

That was when I moved in. My parents were helping me move in. I saw you in, evan. Yeah, that was. That was a year before on clave.

Speaker 1: 11:58

That what? Yeah, I'm saying that year started it when? What? When I came back, Then we started hanging out, because we were literally in buildings right next to each other. And then when you moved on clave, then we started hanging out. I came in that year With my, my shit together, you know, on, like, like you had stated in your story before, like I was on the Dean's list but I was still partying, so it like reinforced the idea that I knew what I was doing and and then it spiraled out of control and Well, actually we were both there when we were both spiraling.

Speaker 1: 12:31

Yeah, I know, I, just I remember going into your place and, just seeing, nothing but missed.

Speaker 2: 12:35

It looked like you because from the fucking vape you had that mod.

Speaker 1: 12:39

And I would walk through my book.

Speaker 2: 12:40

I can't believe the fucking fire alarms aren't going off like dude, I felt like I was at rainforest cafe or some shit.

Speaker 2: 12:47

Yeah, blueberry rainforest cafe, you know so that. But yeah, so that year, right, it continued. Money was coming in. We'll say that money was coming in. Things were happening.

Speaker 2: 13:01

I had taken a leadership position within an organization, a nonprofit libertarian organization, so that gave me a little bit of purpose. Outside of some of the unhealthy habits. Right, there were all things, things were in motion that that held me accountable to at least some sort of individuals. Right, but nothing, there was not much. There weren't healthy habits in terms of my physical and mental and spirit. I mean, how healthy can you be, right, when you're consuming at that kind of rate? So, oh, that ended, man, that ended in. Okay, another rehab. So, first rehab in college I got addicted to Fenton. I was addicted. A bunch of shit, man, I mean I just, I just put it out there, like at one point I remember I was waking up, I would take, I would take a Xanax bar. When I get right out of bed, I take a Xanax bar, I would do a little bit of fentanyl out of, like this nasal spray that I had. You remember that shit.

Speaker 1: 13:57

Yeah, so I didn't do it.

Speaker 2: 13:59

No, I know you, I know you didn't do it and people were like what the fuck? Like that was like you know, and I wasn't, and it wasn't sold to me as fentanyl Originally. We just fucked up. That was sold as oxycodone nasal spray Fuck that. That guy was a dickhead, you know like motherfucker. But uh, I Didn't really give a shit after I had tried it a few times. It's like, okay, what this is, I like it and um.

Speaker 1: 14:25

There's the cratum, there's the cratum too.

Speaker 2: 14:27

That's after. That was the fucking worst dude. I'm gonna put that out there right now for the whole universe because I guarantee you have listeners that do some sort of harm reduction Therapy. There's a lot of popular techniques like California's sober, like right to smoke your weed. I'm a recovering heroin act or alcoholic and I smoke weed. That's fine dude. Like whatever works for you works for you. But if there's one thing I gotta say like is bad news bears man, it's that cratum shit. I cannot fucking believe that. I can't believe what that did to me, the withdrawals from that. I would have been better off withdrawing off a dope in fentanyl 100% than withdrawing from cratum.

Speaker 1: 15:08

That's crazy, it was the worst, bro.

Speaker 2: 15:09

I grabbed a frying pan when I met my parents. I was detoxing from this shit. They wanted me off of it. I wanted off of it too. I was miserable dude. Mood swings like Like I can't even believe it. I was taking a lot, like I was taking a shit ton of it, but yeah you were yeah, dude, but you know it's like bags were big, dude, they were big.

Speaker 2: 15:26

I was buying them by the kilos. I was getting them, shit from Bali. I was like I had a guy, dude, I had a guy for everything. Like was that actually what the fuck? Like four, five kilos of cratum show up to his dad's house? I'm like, listen, bro, it's just a plan.

Speaker 2: 15:41

Classy, completely legal you could buy this shit in a fucking smoke shop and uh, but the withdrawals were so bad. I was on like probably day six. I couldn't sleep so I grabbed a frying pan. I was at my parents house, I grabbed a frying pan. I tried knocking myself out. I was smashing my myself in the face with a frying pan at like four o'clock in the morning, man Just trying to like I need sleep. It was it drove me mad.

Speaker 1: 16:03

So I need sleep.

Speaker 2: 16:04

All right. So let's backtrack here. So we enter To uh rehab impatient this is the third impatient right. First time in college, uh End up taking a semester off which, like I did not want to, I remember being like I got it. I had, I had great grades too, and this was what. This is a dangerous part.

Speaker 2: 16:24

Yeah, going into that rehab it was really tough for me to swallow because, although I was on a cocktail and a plethora of opiates, benzodiazepines, psychedelics, you name it alcohol, cocaine I I was leading two group projects and I had a 3.9 grade point average and I had to I had to withdraw myself as a medical thing for my own health, because I was gonna, I was gonna fucking die. I, I would have eventually fucking died, yeah for sure. Like you can't, you can't mix. You can't mix cocaine, xanax, adderall and fentanyl together and alcohol and expect to live very long. So that's precisely what I was doing every day, right? So, thank god, right I, when I was withdrawing off the fentanyl, I called my mom and I was emotional and I was crying.

Speaker 2: 17:10

I was in pain, man, I was in pain bed. She's always been there. Her and my dad have always been there to support me. You know I put them through so much shit and we've had a lot of um. You know we've had, we've had a tough relationship navigating through a lot of these, a lot of these problems. Right, it's been, it's been difficult, right, it's never easy on any family and, uh, they've always had my back and they just want you know what's best for me. So they got me into treatment. I lived with them in Cadillac, michigan, when they had a place there, for Maybe four or five, six months or something like that, until I honestly can't remember. You know, when you come off of all this stuff too, like there's a period where you don't remember Um even when you get clean like what I was told.

Speaker 2: 17:52

I'm not. My grandmother was a recovering addict and she told me that she doesn't remember the first Two years after she got sober, because I mean, it's completely different right. So, there's a good chance that yeah this whole year of my sobriety.

Speaker 2: 18:05

In the future I might not really remember that well because it's new brain chemistry is settling, likely just came off a 15 year bender. It does something right. Um, so I get sober ish. Three months still once again only doing it for my loved ones. I felt Resetment and animosity that I couldn't go see Bayes nectar. I wanted to go see Bayes nectar's halloween show. And I remember he's like what can I see? Bayes nectar? And like I was so fucking pissed.

Speaker 2: 18:32

I bought my ticket, whatever, and I wanted to go do that and my dad was like that's not a good idea. He's right, I, I wouldn't want to now. I mean well, probably definitely not see Bayes nectar now, but I wouldn't want to. I wouldn't want to go into that environment right now, um, and in my I just it's not enjoyable. But at that time I was, you know, I liked that scene. That's where who my friends were and um that was tough.

Speaker 2: 18:57

Went back to school, basically Fucking, relapsed right away, started drinking more cocaine extreme paranoia. I was with John and like I could tell stories about that. But it was. It was bad man. I'd completely lost my peace of mind. I I quite literally, was so afraid, uh, that I was going to, that I was going to go to fucking prison for the rest of my life. I was, I was fucking scared. I was, I was absolutely horrified, paranoid. People I knew were getting thrown in prison. Um it, what I was trying to juggle wasn't sustainable.

Speaker 2: 19:30

But so I put in a. I put in a semester. I managed to pass my classes. I believe at this point in time my grades did start tapering, like it eventually catches up with you, right. So I was doing enough to pass and get through my classes, but I wasn't. I wasn't highly performing. I move out of. Let's see. This goes on for about another year. I move out of enclave Fuck, where we at John. So I come back from rehab and I believe I moved to Enclave. You moved down a group, or was it with a veto? When was I on veto street? Because I did.

Speaker 1: 20:09

I go from when you move. That was after that was out. You went from enclave to downtown g r who were living with um. You're one dj buddy in all of his buddies. You only stayed yeah you only stayed there for a little bit, yeah, and because that was bad, right. Then I ended up we. I ended up leaving in the fall of 2017. Uh, because I was just erasing alcohol and I only lasted two weeks in class that semester, and then I'm like I have to go yeah, I'm done, so I don't know where you moved.

Speaker 1: 20:37

after the veto, we'll talk about veto street for a second, so I'm on veto street.

Speaker 2: 20:45

I remember just Feeling like super depressed. I I wasn't. I didn't exactly fit in well with my roommates at the time I was. I've always been, I've always been a black sheep and like. But me with the drugs too also makes it like a little bit harder to live with. I would imagine I kept that out of People's faces. But when this you know when.

Speaker 2: 21:02

I'm addicted to cocaine and I'm up at five o'clock in the morning just constantly smoking cigarettes outside. Like Probably have an idea that your roommate is like you know he's got a lot of fun, so I never really connected with those guys. I did get in physical shape, which is interesting because a lot of those guys were big fitness people and so Was Kane, kane was on a huge thing.

Speaker 2: 21:21

Yeah, it was. Yeah it was a weird combo, it was weird, so okay. So yeah, I kind of got my fitness thing, so I lost 40 pounds.

Speaker 1: 21:28

Yeah, I got addicted to cocaine and Xanax. I would go work out while I was blackout.

Speaker 2: 21:31

I would go to the gym at three o'clock in the morning with two grams of cocaine and I would just do, I would just do it and I would just do it and I would just do it and I would just do it and I would just do it and I would just do it and I would just do it, and then I would run like two miles and then I would do it and I'd run two miles, then I'd start lifting. So I was doing coke and exercise. That was my, that was my thing for that year.

Speaker 1: 21:52

Lost a bunch of weight.

Speaker 2: 21:54

It was fucked dude. I seriously just I don't know why I did that shit to myself, like I couldn't, I couldn't just accept. I was like, if I'm gonna do cocaine, I'm gonna, I'm gonna be a good cocaine user like man.

Speaker 1: 22:07

It was just so much.

Speaker 2: 22:08

I didn't. My sleep schedule was so bad for so long. Um, so they eventually wanted me to leave. They wanted me to leave the house. I understood, and I well, I was like what the fuck it was. I was surprised at the time but, like you know, I shouldn't have been living there. Honestly, it wasn't a good fit and I remember being like okay, this is, this is the worst, it can't get. Can't get much worse than this. So I drive, I've got, uh, probably like a few thousand dollars in my pocket. I'm like I'm gonna go to the casino. I drive the casino, my car.

Speaker 2: 22:40

Um, I crashed my fucking Malibu, like it spun out. It was a lot. It wasn't aligned properly when I took it in, so I just smashed, like I spun out on the expressway, smashed into a wall and the car is smoking. And I just remember like, yeah, damn it. So I was like, I was so just like over it. I just got out of the car and just started walking home and some guy comes up to me on the expressway. He's like whoa, whoa, whoa, are you okay? I'm like, yeah, it's all good, man, I'm just gonna go home. Like I just like over it.

Speaker 1: 23:06

I'm like I'm just gonna go.

Speaker 2: 23:07

It's like dude, I just call the police like you can't. I was like, oh, I wasn't drunk. So I remember the first thing I did with my car crashed, like there was all this smoke coming up, I'm like, oh shit, I have xanax in here. I'm like I like found the drugs and I threw them. I threw them off the fucking highway and then, uh, I started walking home and the guys like dude, I just saw that like are you okay?

Speaker 2: 23:28

Like that was fucking crazy. I'm like, yeah, it's fine, May I be all good. And then he's like okay, well, the police are coming. I was like fuck, so right, when the police show up, like I'm not drunk.

Speaker 2: 23:38

And he's like okay, like all right, man, they didn't breathalyze me or anything. I wasn't drinking, but I was definitely on, probably on xanax and a whole bunch of other shit. But, uh right, they didn't really test for that. Like you can't, there's no breathalyzer for for drugs. I hear they have one for marijuana. Now I'm not sure about that other stuff unless they test your blood levels. But Moral, the story for that day was it can always get worse. It can always get worse. So Make, make the right decisions that you have control over.

Speaker 2: 24:09

To not make it worse, like, what the fuck was I doing? Driving in the casino? I wasn't. I was making poor decisions, you know, and I kept putting myself in a bad spot.

Speaker 1: 24:18

Right, so you were able to graduate grand valley Okay, um, yeah, and I know you went through, uh, a phase out of college in in recent years where you really just stuck to drinking and smoking marijuana occasionally, right, and you kind of you might have dabbled with harder stuff here and there but, you haven't been doing shit like your college days, that's for sure, but correct, because you were just doing the the alcohol in the marijuana You're like.

Speaker 1: 24:49

Well, this is, society can accept this. I'm not A total train wreck right now, but I can still keep using and and function at at an opt, not like a suboptimal level, correct or like enough. Yeah, you know so what? What caused you so? Actually, I'd like the the listeners to know how. How long have you been sober for?

Speaker 2: 25:11

Yeah, I've been sober, so I'm coming up. Next month, on the 12th, will be eight months, so I'm just over seven months. Congratulations. Thanks, brother, I appreciate it.

Speaker 1: 25:21

Yeah, it's been. It's been a good journey. Now, with all the backstory of, you're pretty much half the back story.

Speaker 2: 25:30

Half of the back story, but yes yeah, right, right.

Speaker 1: 25:34

What. What led you to getting sober this time around and why was it different than the other times?

Speaker 2: 25:43

For sure it's a great question. So this time around, like you said, john, I had a level of I guess you could say like I don't wanna put this like appearance, appearance success, like, yes, I held down a job, I had strong friendships, I did activities outside of work and drinking, Like I had some sort of life, but you know that it was very much, I'd say, like a binge. I was a binge drinker, so when I would go socialize and I would go down weekends, it would be like a lot of binge drinking, a lot of over drinking, and it was like I was like okay with that for a while. You know, I had a lot of fun times, especially the last few years.

Speaker 2: 26:32

My sister and I had a good group of friends. My parents had moved up North and we had access to their lake, so every time I turned to go, we'd throw like a three day party at their place and like it was a lot of fun, dude, like birthday parties. We had fucking jousting arenas we would bring in like bands and fucking dunk tanks and shit. Like everything we did was like extra, like completely extra, and that was a lot of fun. It was a fun experience, you know, and alcohol was largely tied to that and like other party drugs and stuff like that Ketamine.

Speaker 2: 27:00

But I was really afraid for a long time that giving up alcohol and drugs in general we're going to lead to just really vanilla and boring life, and that I myself would be calm, just a dull, and I was just, I don't know. It was a lot of fear, man. There was a lot of fear in letting go of that, and what I've seen now through this experience is I've gained everything back. Like I can't imagine sacrificing what I have going on now and the relationships that I am building with people, new relationships like really doing a better job at exercising, being more adamant, more accurate, more precise, having more control, and then no longer right, no longer compromising with my lower self. Right, there was a lot of compromising.

Speaker 2: 27:56

When you do that kind of drinking and drug use, you're fucking. Sundays are gone. If you're binge drinking on a Saturday night and you had plans to do shit on Sunday, you're not doing all the shit. You're not waking up early and going for a run, and if you are, you're a sociopath. Yeah, there's no way. And so there's a level of compromise, man, and so I am working on.

Speaker 2: 28:20

You've inspired me a lot in recovery. You and Muncie man, like you guys, have been great friends. Couldn't ask for better friends to have going through a transition like this. I appreciate you and you're writing in your book and I've realized that there's some stuff that I want to communicate to and speak with with the world. So one of those books is called Better Sundays and that's a book that I'm working on right now and that's about and that's a big reason there is, I mean, that's one seventh right Of your life is Sunday and if you're blowing one seventh of your life like that's a huge loss, man. That's like statistically significant. So getting better quality on that. But I mean this time more than ever, dude, it was, there was like a kind of spiritual awakening that happened during my detox. It was that was different than other detoxes.

Speaker 1: 29:11

The gears had already been spinning, so you know I was gonna say that you had a lot of really good wellness practices that you would always talk about, even while you were still doing the partying and the drinking you know you're. You're planning like you'd work out. Occasionally you'd hit diets and stuff, like like you've. Like you said you had this community aspect of things, like you were doing a lot of really good work on yourself, but like you were telling me on the phone multiple times you're like dude, I just like drink Friday and Saturday and then my Sunday is fucking shot. You know I'm just too hungover to do anything else, and so I remember that and I kind of want to ask what led up to getting sober the seven to eight months ago though.

Speaker 2: 30:00

Why what?

Speaker 1: 30:01

happened this time For sure.

Speaker 2: 30:03

So specifically what happened was I had we had played a show, toad played a show, and we had a fucking great time. It was awesome and you know anyone knows me knows I'm very open about all this and you know I'm totally willing to share that in the podcast. So what had happened was I had a gram, I had about a gram. It was a half gram or a gram of heroin that I bought and I had kept that for like a rainy day, right, whatever the fuck that means. So after we played our Toad show, I remember like, okay, I had this prize for myself waiting at my place, so I opened it up and I did some and then that was off of the races for about two weeks With that, if it lasted a lot longer than I thought the detox off. That was rough, it was humbling experience I had.

Speaker 2: 30:54

While I was on it I was still drinking too quite a bit. So health problems from alcohol that I hadn't experienced in the past. Right, there was a lot of this drinking and fun, but the gears were already turning about the quality of life aspect that we talked about, right. But now it was becoming physical. John, I had like a acid reflux disease and I had this for a long time and I gotta tell you, like someone with acid reflux disease, drinking is one of the fucking worst things you can do. So that finally caught up with me where I was waking up in the middle of the night like like I couldn't breathe, like I literally couldn't breathe because of so much alcohol. I, it was doing something. I was like looking it up online and it says like yeah, when you drink a lot, it can make your acid reflux bad to where you can't breathe. So I was waking up, out of breath, unable to breathe. I thought I was gonna like die in my sleep. So you're mixing the alcohol with the opiates, right? I was waking up, I was nodding out and waking up and already slow heart rate, unable to breathe. So there was some like in my head like near death experiences on that and that was scaring me quite a little bit.

Speaker 2: 31:59

So a large majority of this initially was fear-based. It was a bit of fear-based recovery, but more than that, I had like acknowledged the fact that like well, this time it's all me. No one knew about my issue with that right. This was all something that I had going on. This wasn't mom and dad calling me, telling me I needed to do something. This wasn't my employer telling me I was gonna lose my job. This wasn't schools. This was like and I'm like, I have an opportunity here to make a change for my higher self and be a better version of myself. And I know now I have all the tools. I've been implementing these tools slowly over the course of the last, say, like three or four years, right, ever since an experience I had with Josh Harrison, but that's like that's a little separate, but that was another spiritual awakening I had. Right.

Speaker 2: 32:48

There was all these levels of many, many spiritual awakenings that led me to this point right. So I had the faith. I basically had faith at this point I've seen it I've seen you and Muncie do it that I can live a fucking awesome life without drinking. I truly believe that I can, and the drinking was the thing that was always bringing me back to the drugs man. Like I liked drinking. It was socially acceptable.

Speaker 2: 33:14

It was very easy to find some other stuff as well, but, having had experiences through music, I've never felt more alive and Like a high that you get from being on stage and jamming and vibing with your friends and creating something right. So I experienced that and I had experienced it sober and it felt really good, right. So all these elements are telling me I've got all these great things going on in my life. I'm experiencing peace and spirituality and love and fun like raw fun, and I know I can do it without the drugs and alcohol. I've got all these physical goals too.

Speaker 2: 33:52

It's like now. It's like now time to pull the trigger right. That and all the physicals. It was just a perfect storm of like everything that had happened leading up to that point. And then, looking at the future, like here's what's going to happen next. If I Do these two, if I either either one right sobriety or continue down the route of drugs and alcohol, It'll be another rehab, it'll be, or it'd be death, it'd be death, it'd be death. Or just me every 10 years doing okay, being mediocre, and then falling back, and then being mediocre and falling back. I would almost rather be fucking dead.

Speaker 1: 34:28

To be completely and then have to live that cycle.

Speaker 2: 34:30

I'd rather be dead than live a mediocre existence. 100% Right. So yeah, I don't know if that answers it as a pretty in-depth explanation, but you should expect nothing less.

Speaker 1: 34:44

No, that was perfect. So eight months ago, you finally pulled trigger on on something that you believed you know it was a long time coming. Yep, honestly, now, with with where you're at now, now you're, you're. You're eight months into it. How does it feel?

Speaker 2: 35:05

I feel great man, but more importantly, I feel Like I actually so not always great but that's.

Speaker 2: 35:14

But that's okay, that's okay. You know, I know we were talking about. We were joking around a little bit before this. Like we go, we go through stuff, right, I'm learning. But now I'm able to learn and reflect and be like well, how come I don't feel great, like, was there something I missed on my non-negotiables, on my morning routine? Did I fucking scroll Instagram for 30 minutes too long today, watching reels, because that never makes me feel better? So like, are there? Are there addicting things I might? Did I eat like shit? Did I? Did I mistreat somebody earlier? Did I write? Was I not being mindful? Was I not embracing my, my principles? So you know, with the clear head, you're able to do that if I'm drunk and I'm high, there's no, there's no growth, there's no learning from it, right?

Speaker 1: 35:57

But I'd like to say, like, when you internalize those questions, you actually I and in my opinion when you're asking those really deep questions about your day, like why am I feeling like shit, you know the answer. So, in order to not face the answer, you drink, smoke and do drugs.

Speaker 2: 36:13

Yeah, it's escapism.

Speaker 1: 36:15

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, I have the answer, but I'm gonna sweep it under the rug.

Speaker 2: 36:18

Yeah, I've got the answer but you know, this looks a lot more delicious right now.

Speaker 1: 36:24

Let's go to coke about it. I'll tell you the answer so funny man, you know.

Speaker 2: 36:32

So it was and that was the key thing we identified in Therapy, mohammed and I, it was, you know, we wrote the lower self, higher self, which is, which has come up a few times, and the lower self was rooted in instant gratification. Right, it's constant escapism, it's just everything. And in people who suffer from the disease of addiction addicts, alcoholics, it's, it is right very much a spiritual deficiency. It's not like Alcohol or drugs are not, are not our problem. That's, that was the current stimulus. Right, it was. It's very much. It goes deeper than that and it can manifest itself in so many areas of your life. So, doing a deep dive spiritualist, like 12-step programs exist. I myself am not like adhering to a stringent 12-step program. I'm doing something slightly different. Right, with my therapist, that's, that's worked for him, it's working for me, and I know you do like what I.

Speaker 1: 37:28

It's kind of like what I did too, for sure.

Speaker 2: 37:30

So it's, and not to say that 12 steps aren't great. I've seen it help, like you know, at least people I've met. You know tens, if not hundreds of people. So I took it's a great program and but at the core of it, right, it's a spiritual illness that we're combating. So Really diving deep into that is has been a just it's. It's made this experience much more different. And then also having the tools that I've been slowly implementing, like meditation, gratitude lists, reading some of these books right, your brother, joe, and I bonded over the fact that we had both read and enjoyed the seven habits of highly effective people as a very influential book. That helped get the beers rolling for me too.

Speaker 2: 38:11

So a lot of good shit out there, man, a lot of great resources, and If something's not working for you or you don't have a great person that you feel is helping you get to that next level, they are out there. Fucking call, call, call me, man. Reach out like anyone. Listen to this, reach out to me, shoot me a message, give me a call, shoot me a text. I truly do. One of my, one of my key purposes here is compassion, and moving forward in my journey is to truly seek out and help and help others achieve a sense of control over their own lives and their existence. So Definitely here for that.

Speaker 1: 38:50

That's beautiful.

Speaker 2: 38:51

Yeah, honestly that's awesome, john.

Speaker 1: 38:55

Yeah, you fucking love you, man Hell yeah. Goddamn. So How's your, how's the physical wellness going?

Speaker 2: 39:06

now that you're fucking peace, bro, I got, I got.

Speaker 1: 39:11

I'm gonna say I'm proud of you though. You're consistent, you're tracking everything.

Speaker 2: 39:17

I was remembering when you tell me your brother track every fucking macro nutrient. I was like that motherfucker's crazy. And I'm like, do that's like it's a way to do it. Though, dude, my therapist is like you got a fucking track that shit. I was like, alright, dude, I'll get it.

Speaker 1: 39:30

Oh so oh man, I got a lot of looking for those. Go ahead. If you're looking for those type of results, you have to track it like that for sure. That's yeah. If we track everything else, we do you should track.

Speaker 2: 39:42

You should track the food you're eating if you want the ultimate control right. You track your finances, or your. You know your calendar for work, your meetings, you're like whatever it is we do. Everything should be measurable. You have to be able to measure it, to know if you're hitting the metrics you want and then, if not, you got it with just Right. So it's a science everything.

Speaker 1: 40:02

Everything is so the journey's been good man, goal achieving.

Speaker 2: 40:05

Yeah, yeah, sure, and it's the only way you can do it like, oh, I'm not getting results, like you know. Yeah, you could go to the gym every day. If you eat like shit, you're fucked man. You're not gonna lose any weight. I did it for years, you know. Yeah, you gotta have like you gotta have that the eating habits and the eating regimen. So it's been good, brother, I got a ways to go. I clocked in at two hundred thirty six point seven pounds two days ago. I believe that my heaviest earlier this year in March I was 265, some down about 30 pounds. Okay, yeah, got about 20 more Congratulations.

Speaker 1: 40:36

Thanks brother. Yeah, I changed.

Speaker 2: 40:38

I changed the goal from 220 to 200. I feel like I'd be a more comfortable 200, so I'm gonna go to 200, you can do it yeah. I'll definitely I. I know I can. It's gonna be different this time, because 200 Back in a day was 200, but it wasn't like a muscular 200 because I wasn't hitting the protein, I wasn't doing the macros. So this time my 200 on me is gonna look a lot different than the last time I was 200, which shit was a long time ago, but uh.

Speaker 1: 41:06

I'm excited man.

Speaker 2: 41:07

I'm looking forward to it. It's going sex a fucking beast. I just saw a Strava today. He did like a 20 mile run yesterday. I was like mother fucker, he's like run in 20 miles at like God. It was like nine minutes a mile. I'm like how do these fuckers do that?

Speaker 1: 41:20

You know him, your brother, a pace like for 20 miles, man.

Speaker 2: 41:24

I'm like I don't know dude, so it's it's impressive, it's good to be training with, with guys like that, because you know it makes you kick in the next year. So it's cool, it's been. That's the Iron man shot out to Zach van de Gutsch and Josh Harrison on that shit dude, like uh, and both big inspirations. It all started, zach and I, with a 5k that we did like three years ago or it was a 10k, and he's like I want to do a 10k for my birthday. I was like are you fucking crazy man? You know how far that is. And then he's like dude, you got two weeks to train and I was like alright. So I, we did it.

Speaker 2: 41:57

I was like holy shit, that was awesome. Like we should do a half marathon in a triathlon. So he signed up right after that. We did that shit. I was like we should do a marathon and a half Iron man. And he's like okay, and then we did it. I was like we should do an iron man. It's like dude, alright, fuck it. So we got the Iron man October 23rd in Sacramento, california, and that's. That's the next milestone that we're training for right now. So it's been cool man.

Speaker 2: 42:23

It's awesome.

Speaker 1: 42:28

Next question what else are you doing? Uh, protein, lots of protein. I'm doing the protein. Um, not now, chief, I'm in the fucking zone. Um, so what else you got on your on your plate for the future, for Brandon?

Speaker 2: 42:49

What's cracking?

Speaker 1: 42:50

I know you got the better sundaes thing going and you're in the toad.

Speaker 2: 42:53

Yeah, okay, we got, um, we've got the better sundaes thing going. So I've kind of started drafting out, um, a basic idea of what I want that to look like, some intros. I'm basically putting thoughts to paper. That's a good just a good starting point. For me, man, it's very easy to get overwhelmed with all these concepts, right, like you know, the first thing about like a book, like writing a book, where the fuck do I start? Just start, right, it was cool about your book because it was a compilation of thoughts and ideas and journal entries, right, so that's, just putting the pen to paper is the best way to start. So I've started that. Uh, we do. I still do have Mandarin tutoring. Um, I thought it was today, so I was actually on the calls like wait a minute, this isn't until august 6th. So I scheduled her out like I was. I must have missed it today. But, um, I try to do, according to my schedule, tutoring with my mandarin tutor once a week. So we got that going, staying with the mandarin chinese studying.

Speaker 2: 43:48

I volunteered just about every other saturday morning for a nonprofit in my area saturday morning. So saturday mornings usually look like I either wake up, do my morning routine and I go volunteer or I wake up, I do my morning routine, I go to the gym or do like a run or some sort of exercise, right, and I found that that has really jump started the quality of my weekends. So we've got that going on. Work is great. I fucking Absolutely love my co-workers, management, my boss, my vp. We have an awesome team this year on the Detroit crew, grand rapids crew, cleveland, like everyone is so in line.

Speaker 2: 44:24

It's it's very rare and an organization, especially, like you know, a large organization like the company I work at, to find such a, I guess, like overlap of values and sense of community. Right, you like every there's all, like these jokes and memes about like oh, we're like a family here, and like everybody fucking says that like every job, you tries to compare it to a family. But I have never Once worked at a company where I have felt so okay being unapologetically myself With my boss, like they all know, like everything we talked about on this podcast Everybody knows I work with. That's fucking crazy, right. That's like people I can't believe you told you opened up so much. Like you probably shouldn't tell people that I don't give a fuck and they know I don't give a fuck and that's why they hired.

Speaker 2: 45:14

I guess I have to go like I don't like, but we like, there's that love, respect and openness and that understanding right, and we're all on the same page and I'm just super, super fortunate to To be at the. You know the organization I'm at with, with the team that I have, so work is good man. I'm gunning down Goal-wise President's Club, looking to go to President's Club, which is for people who are non salespeople. President's Club is an annual trip that is awarded to the highest performing sales representatives at a company. So in order to do that, I've got my goals written down, specific, like sales targets, goals, quotas and Metrics that I have to hit, and that'll be in Greece on a cruise ship. It'll be like a Greece cruise, yeah. So I'm pretty stoked about that man. So just continuing to put, you know, put, put the gas to the, to the floor there and just fucking dial that in. And Toad right.

Speaker 2: 46:09

We got toad, we got a few shows coming up. We got three shows coming up next month. We're doing practice once a week. So that'll require some extra practice on my end. You know, twice a week with the sex is be is like a good Is a good amount for me to do to make sure that I'm doing the things I need to do to dial it in song creation, we're gonna be setting a setting aside time together as a band to develop new songs and get experimental Right. So we've got that going on. Let's see what else. Man, I'm tired just talking about all of it and then I have the pleasure.

Speaker 2: 46:45

And then I got the pleasure of talking with my awesome friends. Man like you and staying in touch right, Whether it's use that I'm not gonna name all my friends. I'll forget someone. Someone get upset.

Speaker 2: 46:57

Right this isn't a fucking Academy Award speech, but it's cool being able to call someone that I love every day and be able to shoot the shit with them for 30 minutes To an hour. I make that a point. That's super important, right, being a relationship Oriented individual. So, yeah, I mean, that's. That's pretty much what's going on, man. I oh I do go to a meetings once a week so I attend that fellowship just to stay in touch with the, with the community therapy, once a month with Mohammed. So I got that scheduled down. Iron man trainings I Sutton's Bay with Zach. Next month we're gonna do a half iron man, then the following month we're gonna do a two-thirds iron man and then the following month is the full iron man in Sacramento. So we've got a training regiment for that. Uh, that's pretty much it, man. Yeah, I've got like a lot of free time, so just you know.

Speaker 1: 47:56

Now I've seen, I've seen your planner. You're definitely you pretty much post that every day.

Speaker 2: 48:02

That's been a new development, thanks to Mohammed. He was like hey, man, it's important to promote these sort of things. People, people will benefit from this, they'll reach out. It gives you an opportunity to possibly monetize in the future off of this personal development that you're doing. You can teach courses, do a podcast, right something on sales, he's like whatever, but it's good to show that and he's like, but, most importantly, it serves as an excellent tool for accountability. So like oh shit, I got a whole. I got 30 followers that watch these videos. Bro, I got a fucking post, my shit. Yeah, I got to stay on top.

Speaker 1: 48:35

Yeah right, I better eat good today.

Speaker 2: 48:37

I got 30 people gonna ask me hey, why didn't you post your fucking food today?

Speaker 1: 48:43

Did you eat some fucking Wendy's? You got it all over your face, so you need that accountability. It's important man.

Speaker 2: 48:51

We have to. No matter how high performing we are, we're constantly battling a lower version of ourself that's telling us fuck it, go who gives a shit like? You got to have some sort of accountability, man. You got to have it. It's important.

Speaker 1: 49:06

Yeah, I've just gotten back into that account accountability recently too, with without working out and dieting again so Every time I get hurt. What are some of my goals with at least Physical stuff?

Speaker 2: 49:21

because I know you were doing a lot of basketball and you were like you're going to gain weight right?

Speaker 1: 49:26

Right, so here's the problem I've run into in 2023 Brandon Didn't make any fucking goals. No, it's not even excuses, I just didn't make any fucking, just no goals, you know.

Speaker 1: 49:41

I had this. You have these visions of like dreams, you know, or like things you want to accomplish Almost fantasies, because they're fantasies unless they have goals attached to them and things to reach, right, yeah, and the year has been and not even just like my year. Friends, family, people I've talked to that have hit me up on on Instagram like that, are fans of the podcast. I've talked to a lot of people this year in 2023 has been, for whatever reason, pretty difficult. I don't know if that has anything linked to Inflation. People have less money, life changes are happening, life has been very stressful, right, and that is an excuse, in my opinion, but I started to crumble a little bit in terms of my goals.

Speaker 1: 50:35

You know, I was just doing the bare minimum. I'm like I've got this podcast, you know, I'm active here and there, I've got vacations planned, you know, just whatever. I was just kind of like on autopilot, you know, and I Don't operate like that and I've noticed that over the last couple months that if I don't have goals, I don't enjoy life. I don't, I didn't. I don't enjoy the podcast, I don't enjoy writing, I don't enjoy basketball, I don't enjoy anything if I don't have a goal to reach that. That's just how I I think now you know, or what I've come to, because the last six to seven months it's like damn dude. Then I get a little too nihilistic, you know.

Speaker 1: 51:14

Because, what is really the point? If I don't have, though, you know how I get. Nihilism yeah, I know how. Yeah, so then I'm like what's the fucking point? You know I don't have any goals to reach anyway, so who gives a shit, right? Okay, so now I'm here at the end of July and it's my mission. My goal is to make some goals. Kill it, kill it. Well, make some goals. Yeah, my goal is to make some goals that's attainable right.

Speaker 1: 51:39

And that's what I'm, that's what I'm saying, and I think, other than making goals as my goal, mine next goal is to use the next four months of the year to Lay a really good foundation again a foundation that I had before I started smoking tobacco Habitually. The last year it was on and off cigars right.

Speaker 1: 52:03

I'd say for the last Cigars, yeah, so for the last year I'd probably, or ten months, I'd say. I've had five months of smoking and five months of not smoking Right, or not using nicotine. So it's been 50 50 and it's been extremely suboptimal in my opinion, right. So I'm trying to Not do that, probably ever again. If I quit nicotine this time I'm probably like I don't see a point in going back to it probably, probably does.

Speaker 2: 52:30

is not the the verbiage for someone who is here?

Speaker 1: 52:33

Yeah, exactly, I'm running into yeah see the wall. The issue is if I have like a large, if I have a couple acres in With my house on it, I've wanted to grow tobacco. I wanted to, yeah, I've wanted to like try it because, like what I'm smoking, I don't know what they spray on it. Yeah, you know, just like it's somebody else's corporation. It's like I'd really like to see how it's done. I don't know how to explain that. That's why I'm only saying probably. It's like Wait. Stardew Valley.

Speaker 2: 53:18

I don't think there's any.

Speaker 1: 53:24

I know right my the 8-bit tobacco plant that I'm growing because it's pretty. That's cool. So, okay, my goal is to Physical. Goal is to gain another 10 pounds of muscle. Actually, if I was gonna say a goal, it is to work out consistently, even though I might not be playing basketball, is that?

Speaker 2: 53:49

look like every day. For you was a word like five times a week.

Speaker 1: 53:53

I feel like five days a week in solid man, that's the solid right my.

Speaker 1: 53:58

my issue is the, the peak of my physical wellness, all came while I was hooping a lot. But I was working out five days a week and hooping like three days a week, so I had like almost six days of being active, with one day rest, and I did that for like Five to six months. How'd you feel? And I was in some. I was in the best shape of my life. How'd you feel along with them? I felt amazing. But the problem is I got hurt in basketball. I get hurt a lot. I roll an ankle, my knee gets fucked up and I internalize it as the nihilism comes around and it's like well, why work out? We can't poop, you know. So then I go through a month or two of not working out, right, okay.

Speaker 1: 54:38

My goal is to change it into.

Speaker 2: 54:40

I just need to Find a way to stay active no matter what, even if I'm not yeah, I find maybe try some other, less intensive fear like so when Josh Was running a lot, he fucking snapped his foot while he was running and he kept running because yeah fucking crazy.

Speaker 2: 54:55

And I said this was so he had that fucking boot on his foot and he did that, he did the bike, he did the bike thing and he did a little bit of swimming. He didn't like swimming as much, but he kind of got into the bike aspect and he said that that was that helped alleviate some of the you know, some of the pain from not being able to run. So, yeah, just, you know right, it's be a good opportunity of exploration for you to seek out other options and step out of your comfort zone, because it sounds like Basketball is a very comfortable thing for you.

Speaker 1: 55:24

That's like your shit, you know so I Started using that when I first got sober. You know that was like definitely my thing. I'm just gonna go to the gym and even if I'm not playing against people, I'm just gonna shoot around for an hour and a half with my headphones in. It's almost like a meditation for me To just get in that state. I also might get get on a baseball team either in the fall or next year and we might actually we might actually get a basketball team together. So I've realized that I need like some sort of like competition. I can't just go to the gym five to six days a week. You know that's not. I need an activity. Yeah, and now I. Now I know that, so cool. The other goal I'd like to finish the second book by the end of the year.

Speaker 2: 56:07

Damn dude, you're cooking it up.

Speaker 1: 56:10

So I've got around like 20 to 25,000 words. The other five thousander notes in my phone that I have to. But 20,000 isn't a document already. It's not too organized, but I have a good portion of the book Done. You know I need to. I need to add organized and whatever, and I know if I really hammered it out in the next four months, like I can, I can do it by the start of the new year.

Speaker 2: 56:35

How much time do you spend a week writing for for your book?

Speaker 1: 56:42

So here's the thing I have been on and off with writing the last two months and it's been linked to me not working out or staying active right Emotionally, mentally, physically. If things aren't in line, I don't feel like writing because sometimes if I'm down in the dumps, right about being down, I write about being down in the dumps. And I was already super edgy emo kid for 12 years poetry and all that stuff. So I've kind of wanted to get away from the down in the dump shit because I've written about it a lot.

Speaker 2: 57:12

Yeah, also not good for you mentally. It's actually exactly good to write about, yeah.

Speaker 1: 57:21

In the month of May, I had a bit of a, also a little bit of an awakening, spiritual awakening, where in three me, in three months, or sorry, three weeks during May, I wrote those 25,000 words in three weeks. Wow, they just poured. They just poured out like I could not stop. It was, it was crazy. Now I need to organize it and make it Articulate. I should say so. How many?

Speaker 2: 57:48

hours. Would you say that that was to Type those 25 or write those 25,000 words?

Speaker 1: 57:57

I Probably spent at least two hours a day, not every single day, but it was Dude, probably, I Can't even tell you, because it was almost like I was in the twilight zone.

Speaker 2: 58:10

It was fucking dialed in. You're in the zone and we time doesn't.

Speaker 1: 58:13

It was throughout. Here's the thing throughout the day, like I'm whipping out my phone in my notes, in my iPhone, like I have 1500 notes in it, I would fucking 200 words here, get home, type it up, maybe another two to three hundred words here and there, like for for three straight weeks, like my brain would not stop.

Speaker 2: 58:31

So that's all your processes, then, because I was curious. So, like you, just like on the fly, you pull out your phone, like if you feel something, you're typing it. You're not like sitting down at a fucking coffee shop or in your or in your office right here. But okay, now is writing time and you just start writing.

Speaker 1: 58:45

I I do have those times whenever I sit down with like a spiral notebook. When I sit down and I get comfortable in a desk, I'm like, all right, I'm gonna, I'm gonna write. You know, I do have those times. But also when something comes to me, I'm brightening it in my phone Immediately. Yeah, I might be sitting in traffic or I might be sitting at my desk and I'm like I have to put this down or I'll forget it. That's how, yeah, that's how music happens like songs.

Speaker 2: 59:11

Songs for me, right. Exactly doing dishes and you're like oh, that's fucking stupid enough for me to make my phone like I guess it would be yeah, and that's okay. That's good to hear, man, because that's where I've been struggling, right with the book it's. I've been just setting time aside like time blocking each week, but sometimes, when you're not in the zone, you're not in the zone and Perhaps if it happens more, authentically like that it would, you would get further right.

Speaker 1: 59:37

Honestly, in the times where I've tried to set aside time for writing, I've failed even more horribly when I have told myself I'm doing it for two hours, between one and three o'clock today, and I get to one o'clock and I'm like nope, yeah, and I'm just like at two o'clock I'm like no. So I've noticed that the, the create the creativity. You have to just let it happen when it happens. Now here's the thing setting aside that time to maybe work on organizing the writing for the book, that's fine because that's more Rational, logical. It's like I'm making an outline and stuff like that. But when you're talking about actually producing the content, in my experience just letting it go whenever it comes to you is easy or easier, sure I should say you're right, man, it's like this would uh, you know Some people talk about.

Speaker 2: 1:00:28

It's like the flow state, when you're really in a flow state where you're just you're Transitioning from things and everything's natural and you just pull out your phone, you type, type, type, you put it back down, you go on your thing like you're constantly doing shit. That's progressing those goals and driving it forward. Right, that's cool, right.

Speaker 1: 1:00:46

And my last goal is by this time next year, I'd like to get a thousand downloads per episode on my podcast, per thousand listens per episode. Am I supposed to be downloading this shit? I?

Speaker 2: 1:00:57

thought you just listened to it.

Speaker 1: 1:01:00

No, it's called a download when people play it.

Speaker 2: 1:01:02

Okay. I was like man, I've been fucking you over, bro. I was like, sorry, I didn't know. I've been like pirating and like all your shit. No, that's alright.

Speaker 1: 1:01:14

I'm listening to it, I can honestly burn them, all my podcast episodes on CDs and hand them out to people at the mall. It's like your mixtape dude, like the one guy who was handing out his mixtape at McDonald's.

Speaker 2: 1:01:25

He's putting them in happy meals and he got fired fucking legendary. Yeah, that is a great way to go out. Cool man, there's some fucking awesome goals.

Speaker 1: 1:01:39

So do you have any tips for the listeners on if they might be struggling with Addiction, or if they're just struggling with Addiction, or if they're just struggling with not Having control of their life like you?

Speaker 2: 1:01:52

wanted to help absolutely man control that. Get back to the basics. So Basic short term, a good short term fix that anyone can do at any given second that doesn't require too much cognition, is clean your environment. Look at where you're at right, whether that's your house, your car, where you're spending time fucking. Clean that environment. That's a great, a great first thing to do, right. And then, second, move your body. Get the fuck out of your house. Go for a walk. It doesn't have to be you have to go run a marathon. Go for a walk, do some push-ups Right. Go, go, move the body. Clean the environment, move the body.

Speaker 2: 1:02:30

Now, the second thing that I would say for people that are looking at Actually creating sustainable long-term change is to first write down Lower self, higher self. Acknowledge that you have two selves. Right, we got the self that Operates at a higher frequency and we have the self that operates on a lower frequency. Acknowledge those, recognize those. Talk to your lower self. What is, what is that Self about? Right, and write it down. Break it down. Grab a piece of paper. You fold that shit in half, open it up lower self, higher self on one side and write that out and get detailed. Right. What? What does that look like? What are some of those habits? What are the you know, core values of your higher self? What is it that your lower self does? Is it smoking, drinking? Is it, you know, engaging in pornography? Is it lying, stealing, cheating? Is it? Whatever man you know, we'll. Whatever it is that you, that your higher self does, that's Preventing your higher self from action. Right, write that down and then same with your higher self Like. What is that look like? What are the things that bring you enjoyment? Right, whether it's community or listening to others or helping people or volunteering, investing. It can be, it has to it, but it has to be all rooted in your intent, right, because a lot of the times let me give you an example Okay, so there could be something that, for one person, could be higher self.

Speaker 2: 1:04:00

There could be. That could be a lower self or somebody else. Right, if we're using, say, let's say, let's say music, let's say, um, saxophone, playing saxophone. So if I've got shit to do that I don't want to do, or I'm frustrated, or I'm annoyed and I don't want to deal with something, and I pick up my saxophone and I start playing, that would actually be lower self in that point in time, because I'm using my saxophone as escapism from the act, from the reality of a situation, right? So we have to make sure that we're not attributing things that can be good and and then you know, our intent is shifted as, as a form of instant gratification or Isolation, could be isolation as well.

Speaker 1: 1:04:42

Yeah, the wrong and 100%.

Speaker 2: 1:04:44

The wrong intent. Right, difference between solitude and isolation. And that was something I struggle with, right. Lower self, not myself, lower self. And you have to create that distance too, because it's really easy to say, oh I struggle with this or I do this, or I'm a blank, I'm at this. No, lower self, higher self. My lower self Finds comfort in isolation, so, but my higher self will find comfort and solitude. Solitude is the intent. I'm choosing to Utilize this beautiful atmosphere and create something of peace and tranquility for myself. Isolation is going to be. I'm running away from things, I feel bad, I feel negative, I turn my phone off, I don't want anyone to call me, I'm just, I'm sad and I'm depressed. I want to lay in bed and fucking die. Right, that's lower. So. So understanding that fundamentally will be the stepping stones for someone Changing and then recognizing the patterns of each one. So, yeah, that would be the advice I would give.

Speaker 1: 1:05:41

I Think that's some great ass advice, honestly for sure. Yeah well, I think this is a motherfucking. So I appreciate you coming on, brother. Love you to death to love your story, man, love everything you're trying to do and everything you are doing Still to come really excited to see what Brandon K check has in store for helping himself in the world.

Speaker 2: 1:06:13

It's gonna be a beautiful thing day at a time, and this was a time. Yourself, shit, john like.

Speaker 1: 1:06:20

I feel a lot better.

Speaker 2: 1:06:21

I was a little bit in a rock. I went for a run this morning. I did all my non-negotiables in morning routine but I felt like I know I felt a little bit off and this certainly has helped. This has helped me feel better.

Speaker 1: 1:06:33

So I appreciate it, man. I'm right there with you, honestly, so this helped me just as much as it helped you and I'm I'm super stoked to have it help all of my listeners as well. So Thanks for coming by. Guys can follow him on Instagram. Align your minds for all that good wellness practices and stuff. I don't forget to subscribe to the channel and follow, and thanks for sticking around. We'll see you soon. Love you guys.