Serenity Coach Lydia: Insights on Burnout, Stress and Authenticity

I had the pleasure of having Lydia Lincklaen -- Serenity Coach Lydia -- on the podcast to talk about how she helps people deal with and prevent burnout and stress by helping them find their true, authentic selves

We cover a lot of different topics during the episode, including: her backstory and her desire to help others, her ability to ask the right questions to understand her clients, why burnout isn't easily treated with traditional Western practices, vulnerability, and why our own understandings about work and stress lead to us being unable to listen to our true, authentic self.

It was an absolute blast and banger of an episode! It's filled to the brim with amazing insights, light-hearted jokes and relatable realizations. Don't miss out on the newest episode!

Follow Serenity Coach Lydia on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/serenitycoachlydia/

Check out Serenity Coach Lydia's Website:
https://serenitycoachlydia.com/

Book a free 30' call with Serenity Coach Lydia:
https://calendly.com/serenitycoachlydia/intro

Transcript

Jon: 0:08

Yo, what's up? Welcome back to Feel Free. The only podcast that'll tell you to chase your dreams and call you out on all your freaking bullshit. Myself included, I'll be your host, John Cerrone. We got a really great episode today. We're gonna be talking about stress and burnout and all the reasons why we need to take the time to understand why we're burnt out, and also the steps we need to take in order to heal from that burnout. So stick around. You don't wanna miss this. It's gonna be a great episode. So do you want to introduce yourself to the listeners?

Lydia: 0:46

Yeah, of course. Well, thank you for having me as your guest. I feel really happy and honored about that. Um, I'm Serenity Lydia. I help, uh, men and women to overcome their burnout and to manage their stress levels, uh, to prevent, to go into a burnout. But I also help people to become their authentic self. So to be really, truly become you and to stay you, which is, uh, a big help to avoid having stress or to go into any kinds of overwhelming feelings or anything that is negative,

Jon: 1:23

ah, that's, that's really important in uh, today's day and age, honestly, cuz I think a lot of people are really going through problems with stress and burnout and those are topics that we talk about a lot on the Feel Free podcast. A lot of my listeners are, are usually younger and I know that getting into the workforce in your twenties and even thirties, you know, They didn't prepare you for that through school and and college. So I talked to a lot of people and they, and they're really feeling the effects of that. So I think that's, that's really awesome. Now, what got you to start doing this specifically? Because this isn't really like something you, you for technically. I think it's, it's something that you go through yourself and that then you go into and inspire people,

Lydia: 2:09

right? Yeah. Thank you for asking that question. Um, yeah. So I've, I've, I've been through a burnout myself. I overcame my own burnout because I didn't receive the right tools, nor the strategies, nor have I received the right questions to overcome my burnout and to understand why I was overwhelmed and, and. Completely disconnected from my body and mind and, and everything that could go wrong went wrong. So the what actually started my burnout is that I was working in a court of law for many, many years, and there was, I was so triggered by, by, you know, the human brain, what is it that you and I do? And others do something different or go into the criminal path or started, um, to take in like drugs or excessive behavior. Um, so that was fantastic for me. I loved it and I was really, I was, I was flourishing there enormously. But then I followed my ex-partner to another part of Europe where I had to find another career, um, build social life, other friends and, and far away from family and friends. So that was kind of difficult, but I was managing that. Then at the same time, my mother was diagnosed with cancer and the relationship was not going well with my previous partner. Then everything just builded up together and I was just literally one day waking up and I thought, I can't do a single thing anymore. That. Having said that, I had all the textbook experiences, education, you name it, to know what is happening in the human brain. And still I got a burnout. So I just want to highlight that. Um, it is nothing to be ashamed of because even with my background, I, I got so overwhelmed. I had no idea what to do with my emotions and how to overcome my burnout. So yes, that is, that is my story. I

Jon: 4:10

think that's interesting that you bring up the shame part because mm-hmm. Now it's very difficult to feel vulnerable, um, for a modern human, in my opinion, because we don't want to feel like we need any help. Right. So, y you were initially ashamed of coming to terms with the fact that you were burnt out because you had all the tools or education necessary to not get burnt out. Right. But it's a very humbling experience, and it is Now, I, I think you said you have. Two websites. You have one for burnout specifically and then one for shame.

Lydia: 4:49

Exactly,

Jon: 4:50

yes. I was gonna say, are those like the two main reasons why people come to you?

Lydia: 4:55

Yes. So the Lydia Link Land website is really when you have a burnout and the other website, the Serenity coach Lydia, is more stress preventative. Okay. Um, the moment you think, oh no, I'm good, I'm doing well. But the moment you have like this ambiguous question, do I have a burnout or close to, or how do I manage? Or you feel that you're getting a little bit off of yourself or a little bit different. That is the reason often that you go into, okay, you know, Google search or whatsoever. And then you come to my website and one website is clearly designed to help you to overcome burnouts. And the other one is the less feeling guilty or, or difficult approach to stress management. It's because there's such a stigma on it. Unfortunately, people are not talking about it and it's such a shame because it's not needed.

Jon: 5:50

Right. I, I think it's a shame that we don't talk about our feelings more, but I think we're coming around to that now in the, in the year 2023. So we're getting better at that. Uh, I thought it was also interesting that you said you, you weren't receiving the correct treatment for your burnout in terms of, uh, westernized medicine. So was it just like pharmaceutical drugs and therapy that they were trying to push on you? I.

Lydia: 6:14

Exactly. You nailed it. Of course. Yeah. I got the most interesting questions that were so far away, uh, from the reasons why I got a burnout. I got the questions. How was your childhood? I understand that people want to understand me and my past and how I grew up and to get a picture, but you know, things happened in the past. You take learning out of debt, but it is not always a trigger to get a burnout. Often it is, you know, it helps to know what happens in your past, but it is a also good to know that you can just move on. You need to leave things also in the past. You don't have to dig it up all the time. And for me, digging up things in a past that were not even there. Didn't help. I mean, I had a fantastic childhood and I think I had five sessions literally talking about my childhood. I'm like, okay, this is not helping me. This is not helping me. Right.

Jon: 7:10

So I, I feel like looking into your past, like if you're looking to learn from it, from an experience, then it's okay, but like you said mm-hmm. I don't think you need to dig everything up all the time. Cuz really it's the present moment that we're having a difficulty with, which is why we're stressed and why we're overworked. Cuz we can't control how we feel in the present moment.

Lydia: 7:28

Exactly. It is, you know, there are things in the past that help you to create, to build who you are, you know, your personality, how you, how you cope with certain, uh, problems and situations, how you think, how you reflect. So it helps. To understand where your actions or your non-action are coming from, or if you have a coping system or not. But at one point, I mean, if I talk to you, I, I'm pretty sure I'll know in like, well, we had our discussion a week ago in, in 15 minutes, we, the two of us, we got into our inner selves and I got to know you and you got to know me. I didn't need to have like five conversations or one hour with you to find out what you have been doing. I mean, right. It became pretty clear and obvious to me. And for you, I think it was the same, you know, we got to know each other in 45 minutes. I mean,

Jon: 8:20

yeah. Instead of going to therapy for years on end, talking about the same old stuff, you know?

Lydia: 8:26

Yeah. So let's just, you know, cut the BS and just go dive into the difficult questions and face them. So that's what you and I did, and I think a lot of people should do that just to get to, uh, the problem solving part and how to get, you know, Overcome your burnout and manage your stress levels and prevent it.

Jon: 8:47

Right. And it's nothing to be ashamed of cuz you know, everybody has to start somewhere. I, I did have a difficulty four years ago of coming in terms with being vulnerable, um, which is why I had to seek out professional help though. So I'm not gonna like, undermine what, you know, therapy has done for me and what it can do for people. Mm-hmm. But I don't feel that it, it, it is the only option, you know, to deal with your stress and your burnout. Uh, a couple points we made last week was, and what I had seen on your Instagram and your website is part of the tools that you, or questions you ask people are like, okay, how's your diet? Are you exercising? Uh, do you journal? Do you meditate? You know, these are very simple tools that you can do to. To help mitigate the damages. But people, people don't think about simple things. They, they only look big picture. They're like, well, why am I sad? And they don't know how to fix it, you know? Yeah.

Lydia: 9:42

No, I, I have to agree with you. You know, therapists are, are good, um, but they're not always the right person for you to turn to. And, um, so don't get me wrong, please go see therapists. But there are also other ways. It's not only the only reason or, um, Problem solution solving is what you're saying. Right. But yeah, sometimes just the small things that can make such a huge or significant impact on your life. If you eat all the time sugar, you have sugar spikes, so your adrenaline goes up and down or your sugar level goes up and down and then you have few energized and not, and just keeping things in balance will help you also to balance your emotions and to not have the, the sugar spikes and just to go down and you need to eat twice as much as sugar and to feel better or energized again. So small things. How insignificant they look. They might be a huge, huge, uh, stepping stone

Jon: 10:44

forward, right? Like even something like, you know, just drinking enough water throughout the day or getting some sunlight, very simple things to do, or going on a walk, uh, can go a long way actually. Yeah. And I know those were actually a couple things that I started doing back when the pandemic hit because, you know, everybody was obviously stressed after that. And, you know, just taking the time to go on like a 10 minute walk or just drink, drinking some water, kind of like brought me back down, you know, to help me realize that I can work through this now. So how, how do you go about like helping people, what's usually the process you go go to when you get a new client?

Lydia: 11:24

Each person is different, and I would like to know your story. First of all, I would like to know why you contact me, because does it come from you or are you forced? Are you forced by your employer or are you forced by your spouse or your girlfriend or your boyfriend? Or maybe the mom is pushing. I would like to know if it comes from from you, and then I would like to know. What it is that you need from me, because I can help a lot of people. But if you tell me, oh, I'm good. I just need to manage my, my stress, I'm like, okay, so you're good. You're reaching out to me. You need to manage your stress. Okay, what's going on? You know, it's just a basic question. Um, so I really want to get to know you and I don't take any BS as an answer. So I really would like to know you, any kind of general answers. For me. It's a no answer. It's also an answer, but I need to work with you. So within 30 minutes I'm narrowing down, more or less who you are, what you do, and what your stress trigger is or might be. And from there on we can, we can go further. But if you want my help, um, to meditate or to find your true identical self, it might be different than if you come to me when you have, um, a burnout and you say, Hey, listen, my body is just not working anymore. Then we need to, we really need to narrow down how far you are or in a burnout or if you close to a burnout. So we need to identify that. But in general, pretty fast to narrow

Jon: 12:56

that down. Right? I mean, just like you said, you, you know, to, uh, ask the right questions, right? I mean, from your previous job experience. So, uh, now, now you're just looking to help people in a positive way and instead of interrogate'em. Right,

Lydia: 13:10

exactly. I mean, how much joy is it to, for me, it is so satisfying to see suddenly a smile on somebody's face who has been down or can't even get off the couch, or just, you know, drag him or herself out of bed and from bed to the couch and that's it. And then like, yeah, Lydia, I feel so much better right now. It's just, you know, I had like five minutes of positive feeling like, okay, we can work with that.

Jon: 13:34

Come on. Right. That's a start. Right?

Lydia: 13:40

Of course. And now we need to embrace small steps because, you know, 10 small steps is also one big

Jon: 13:46

one, right? I mean, that, that's how you get the ball rolling, honestly. Do you see people for specific reasons? Is it like, does the burnout usually happen from work or does it happen like personal lives because people over here in America work really hard and, but I'm not gonna get into politics and, you know, capitalism and stuff like that. Um, Everybody seems to think that they need to work extremely hard in order to achieve a level of happiness here. And it's, uh, it's very devastating, in my opinion, the hustle culture.

Lydia: 14:19

Yeah, no, I hear you. Um, the same here in Europe, we all work extremely hard. Um, unfortunately it's not only work that triggers, uh, burnout, it's also in, on an emotional level, like a breakup or divorce or any other kind of trauma that people have, uh, or may face that contributes to, um, to stress management and to, to how to navigate through life. But if I look at my younger, um, clients', early twenties until mid thirties, they have difficulties with work because as you said, you know, education did not prepare them for the hard work. And then it is difficult to stay true to themself because. They cannot say no, they cannot have a nice protection for themselves. They cannot limit them. Their, uh, or they cannot actually protect themselves. And, and they limit theirself because they wanna do so many things at the same time. And it, the other hand, they have the social media because they want to look great and fantastic, and they cannot show who they really are because on everything needs to go a filter and everybody is just pulling on them at the same time. So the younger people, they really have difficulties with debt, which I understand. Um, and then if I go from mid thirties until. 50, 55, then it is how to balance family work. Where do you put your interest in? And sometimes will I do a second career because my first one gives, gave me your burnout. So between 30 and 55, that is where work is really present because they found a way, but then they discover, oh, I'm not super happy with my, with my current job, or I went into the wrong education. So it it, but then I put it in two big buckets. Right. But yeah, work is, uh, it's, it's very present of course.

Jon: 16:21

I mean, at the time, you know, we, we do what we have to do in order to provide for not only ourselves, but the people we love. And sometimes it's necessary to do that. But then years later, like you, you said, we're not staying true to ourselves. And you help people find their authentic selves. So, They do tend to try and pick up a new hobby that turns into a job or something like that. Now, for the younger people between the ages or like the twenties and early thirties, you know, we, we also have to like work the jobs that, you know, we don't necessarily want to do and that's when the hustle culture comes in. Cuz with social media, people are like, you gotta get a side hustle or you gotta start chasing your dreams with your free time, which, I, I am one of those people, you know, everybody knows I'm, I'm fairly busy over here. I do tend to get burnt out at least once a year. I mitigate it with staying active though, and having, uh, a, a clean diet. But that's always not the case. So usually taking time off of work or decreasing the hours that I work on things is, is one thing that I do. But do you ever see people just flat out quitting their job even when they don't have the resources necessary to do so?

Lydia: 17:33

Yes. Uh, unfortunately, yes. I have one, he's called Leo. He had a second burnout when he came to me and he actually just literally quit his job and, uh, he moved back into his mom because he could not afford, um, living on himself or on his own without an income. But he also could not continue. So in his second burnout, he came to me and I helped him. But yeah. Um, Those extreme cases are there, and it is maybe extreme, but for them it's not because they cannot continue anymore. And then what is the purpose of life? And then you have so many questions running in your head, like, okay, what do I do? How do I get out of here? And I've been to college, I've been university, and I get a burnout because of work. So what do I do now? Because I, this is the only thing I know. Right? So that is, that is interesting and, and very difficult as well to navigate there while overcoming your burnout.

Jon: 18:32

Yeah. And I mean, that's a life altering event pretty much. And some people are too ashamed to make those changes. I know when I had to, when I failed out of college and I had to, um, go to rehab twice, um, luckily I had friends and family who were able to take me in during those times and it was necessary to feel the, that humility and that. Shame, but it also led to my healing and being okay with the vulnerability. So I'd like to outline that if you think this big change is gonna end your life, I, I think it's just going to begin it. You know, you just have to flip the script and look at it differently. You know,

Lydia: 19:11

you know, sometimes you make a decision and then you get to blame yourself for it, and you start, oh, why did I do that? I could have, should have done it something different. And you name it, but you make certain decisions with the information you have in that certain moment of time. And if you then know that you can make. Other steps, it's because those steps are opening up. If you close one door, it doesn't necessarily mean that none of the other doors will open up. There is always some way to get you out of the misery that you're in. There's always a way, and I mean, look at you, you came out so much stronger than, um, than you could have imagined because of course, when you go through it, how did you feel? Were you feeling like, oh, hey, I'm gonna go out super strong. I'm gonna have my own podcast show and, and write a book, and were you imagining that or what?

Jon: 20:01

No, no. I was really, really in those moments, you're almost in like survival mode. It's, it's almost like the only thing you're focused on is getting better or not wanting to feel like crap anymore. You know? Like everybody has those dreams of what they really see themselves doing, which I believe dreams are very important in. Spurring us to make changes. But in those moments, no. I wasn't thinking about a book or a podcast. I wasn't even thinking about like, making music or anything. I was like, I want to like start waking up every day and not hating my life, you know? And that's what drove me to make those changes too.

Lydia: 20:43

Sam, what, what was your learning out of that?

Jon: 20:47

What was I learning out of that? I was not listening. To myself in terms of all the substances I was doing or why I was doing all the substances. So I was using the substances in order to not listen to my inner self. So I realized that how you hid it, yeah. I realized that the only way I was going to find my true, authentic self was by getting completely sober. And here I am today, you know, so I'm a very big, uh, I'm very biased on getting sober. Even people who like don't really have a substance abuse problem and they, they're having issues in life, I'm like, ah, you just gotta get sober and you'll figure it out. You know?

Lydia: 21:28

But you hate it there because, you know, it doesn't mean that you need to get sober, um, just by using nothing anymore. It is also sometimes you need to get sober because of your inner critics or what is holding you back. It, it's not per definition, something related to alcohol or drugs. It can also be like very negative, your own thinking ways and, and patterns and, you know, I fully understand what you're saying and that's what I love about you because it is like, this is it, and you need to see the bigger picture and then go for it. And, and with that you learn from it. So from every little thing, you take a learning out of it and you take it with you and your backpack. And that is one of your coping strategies and, and your tools. And, and then you can continue. So if you then are aware and see, oh, hold on, this might be a stress trigger to me. Hmm, did I go through this before? Oh yeah. You know, maybe I should do something different or at least become aware of it. So yes, sober, abrupt. That's good. Of course,

Jon: 22:28

I think self-awareness is, is huge. You know, cuz like I said, I, you know, I wasn't listening to myself for a majority of my adult years. So between the ages of like 18 and 26, I believe there was like a six or seven month period where I was sober. And I did very well in those six to seven months, but that's out of eight years, you know? Yeah. So you take all of those lessons, like you said, and you put'em in a backpack and you, you carry'em around with them. But at the end of those eight years, I, I took the backpack off, I open it up and look inside and I'm like, I have all this stuff that I learned. I just don't know how to apply it, you know? Yeah. And I, I was actually looking through your website and one of your programs that you do is, uh, like a success mindset, right? Yes. Is, that's not really stress prevention or, or dealing with burnout. That's, that's almost a more, uh, progressive type of mindset that you're dealing with, right? Yeah.

Lydia: 23:26

But it is also because imagine you have been going through all kinds of stress. And you want to change your life, and suddenly it's like a domino. Everything that you touch is going into D the direct, um, weight. It's go, it goes exactly how you want to have it, but then suddenly how do you deal with it? Because then you might have, like, are you gonna feel that you're missing out on? So things like if you have to fomo or do you feel like that you're an imposter, or no, you need to get prepared as well. So a lot of the times, the moment you say, okay, now it goes into the right way. So it goes positively. You mind is still telling you, Hey, but it went bad all those times before. It doesn't go well. Wait for for it, you know, it will drop Sunday, it'll go wrong. So you need to get prepared as well. And it it, when you become successful in what you're doing, it can give you so much stress as well because. You're, you have this negative influence all the time. Questioning yourself, am I doing it right? Am I doing it wrong? What do I do? How should I do it? How can I improve it? And there's so many things that it is actually stress preventative, but it is, once you know how to manage your stress and then how to continuously manage your, your level so you don't do the three steps back and one step forward. So it is a little bit of give and take,

Jon: 24:56

right? But I mean, that, that's just without anything too, I mean, especially when you're starting at ground zero and you're trying to help somebody who doesn't have very good coping mechanisms, you know, they, they're gonna need to take one step forward. Um, But you're, you're helping them not take that step backwards, right?

Lydia: 25:17

Yes. And if they do feel that they have to take a step backwards, um, it is just to make sure that they start to learn. And then I ask them, you know, what can you do? You know, what else do you do? What are you not doing? And which behavior can you have or to put in place to become more successful or not to take that step back. Right. So those are the questions like, okay, what is the alternative?

Jon: 25:45

So do you change question? I mean, you said you changed everybody's difference, so you changed the questions up that you ask people and, and you tailor a program for them when they come to you specifically to help them. Now, we've talked a lot about shame already in these 25 minutes. Mm-hmm. I'll, I'll just flat out ask it. Is, is it Yeah. Different dealing with men who. Have no need to be vulnerable or think they have no need to be vulnerable, I should say.

26:12

Okay.

Lydia: 26:13

So initially I started my coaching business for women, but I got contacted a lot by men. Uh, I asked them flat out, okay, why do you want to prove that you're not vulnerable? So to whom are you proving something? And the feedback that I get, and it's with each person, it's a little bit different, but then I ask them, I'm like, okay, so what's holding you back? Or, no, no, no, don't give me a general answer. I want to know what is holding you back. I want to know what is your stress trigger? Um, so are you afraid or what is it that drives you? And everyone makes you thrive as well. But man, they are a little bit different because they have a lot of shame because they have that, that. Ideas still on the head that they are the main force and that they are need to be there for their, for the women and also for their mothers. And yes, but you can also show your emotional, you let people see the true, authentic you and your emotions and talk and communicate. And I tell them as well, like, listen, I want to hear from you. I don't want to hear an answer that you think that I want to hear. Right. No, I want to hear your answer. And I don't take BS as an answer because I see through it. And that is often the reaction I get from like, uh, okay. You know, talking to you in the beginning I thought, yeah, of course. Hmm, Lydia. Yeah. Okay. Let's see. But indeed you don't take bs.

Jon: 27:45

You gotta call'em out on that bs I'm

Lydia: 27:48

gonna call them out on it. Because if I don't do it, who else is gonna do it? I mean, I'm not here to be your friend. I'm here to coach you. I'm here to help you to overcome what it is that you need to overcome. If it's a trauma, if it's your stress. But no, no, a little bit more protective and, and close. And we have exceptions as well, but mainly it is there. The mainly fearing who that they want to like, oh, no, but I'm the man. I, yeah, I know.

Jon: 28:15

So like, I, like I, I, I'm the hero. Like I can't be heard or anything like that. I have to be strong. Yeah. You know? Exactly.

Lydia: 28:23

And it, and again, the moment I tell them, and it's not only for men, this also applies to women, but mainly men understands when I tell them, listen. The hard workers are the ones who are hit the most by burnout or feeling overwhelmed and stressed. And it is nothing to be ashamed of because it is that you have been putting so much into your work and that you just did not think of yourself. And there is where men often forget to take a pause to think about themselves and say, yeah, but I have a beer with my friend. Oh, yeah, okay. Well one beer is not enough. I mean, I'm not telling you that you need to have 2, 3, 4, 5, or 10 beers, but you can have one beer and you need to have some you time with your friends as well, but Right. You know, with moderation,

Jon: 29:10

right? It's like you said, oh, I had a beer with the guys and that that's how I vent. Or that's like, mm-hmm. How I de-stress. And then you go, okay, well why isn't that working? And then they go, oh, exactly. I don't know. Maybe I need to, you know, drink more beer with the guys. And it's not you. They're missing the, the question at that point. It's like, you, you need other things to do. You know, I, I talk a lot about hobbies on the podcast and how as we get older, sometimes we, we get rid of hobbies because they don't make us money. Right. Or we feel embarrassed that we're doing it right. But I believe hobbies are such an important part of mental health and that de-stressing, you know, regardless of what it is. You know, sometimes you could just put music on and dance, you know, and it feels good. And I try and tell most of my, uh, men listeners to not give up on those hobbies that they had in high school or college and stuff like that. It's so important for their health. It is. It

Lydia: 30:13

is. Um, so, It doesn't matter what your hobby is, it doesn't matter what helps you to unwind and relax and de-stress. It is what you need. But the moment you feel that you need a little bit more, um, you also need to talk about your emotions, right? And if you cannot find that, uh, with your support group, your family, your friends, then you need to reach out to other people because it is not worth it to become unhappy or stress or overwhelmed when you can easily overcome that and put it back in balance because you can have so much better life if you can just talk about your emotions as well. And also just to see alternatives and what you can do or can't do, or just visualize. Maybe if I go into a b abc, it'll get me to y um, to X, Y, Z. So, And that is something that I see as well with men, that they are talking high level, but so high, high level that they missed a point. Yeah. What is it that you want? What is it that you need? You know, come give me some answers. Let me see the you the true you. And then, then we get somewhere.

Jon: 31:29

Yeah. Sometimes they're just, uh, we're just too big picture, too ambitious, I would say. Yeah. I don't think ambition's a bad thing if used correctly though, but, As you've stated, it's the people that overwork too much, that lead to stress and burnout the most.

Lydia: 31:46

Yeah. Um, but I like working with men because once they open up, um, you know, because coaching is also it, it has everything to do. First of all, I need to prove myself that I understand them, right? I mean, I get it, but we are not gonna show who has the biggest because I'm a girl, you know? So then it stops. But it's, it's really about the mentality and, and reaching out for help. It is, it's not bad because, I mean, let's face it, if you don't feel good and you can do something about your mental health, why wouldn't you do it? Why would you stay? Unhappy or stressed and, and goes, you know, you get this vicious circle, so why would, why would you put yourself through it if it's not needed? And if you can also comment, why wouldn't you do it?

Jon: 32:37

Exactly. And I think like we have so many resources at our fingertips now, aside from just our smartphone. Like me, you and I are having this conversation, you know, across the world. And there's so many ways we can find the right help. But sometimes we just don't know where to start. Unfortunately,

Lydia: 32:57

that's true. Yeah, that's true. Because as what you say, you know, you have your phone in your hand, you do one search, and you get thousands of reactions, and which one is the right one? So that is, that is a little bit questionable, but you just need to ask yourself also the question, what is it that I need? What is it that I want? And how can I get there? Um, who can help me? Is it my family? Is it my friends? Is it my partner? Uh, maybe at work. So you need to ask yourself the right questions. And if you can't, then you need to find out who can help me to answer or to find the right question for me to answer and to define how I want to live and manage my stress.

Jon: 33:38

Right, right. Now, I, I think you spoke, we spoke last week. You said there's something about the art of saying No, definitely. And setting limits. So I think that's really important, especially if as we segue in from, you know, men working too hard. And well, women working, we're all working too hard, right? Mm-hmm. Why do we have such a problem with saying no to things?

Lydia: 34:03

So how often? I normally don't like to ask a question or answering a question with a question, but how often do you say yes when you actually think afterwards? Why the heck did I say yes? I don't wanna do that at all,

Jon: 34:19

because we feel obligated to the people we love.

Lydia: 34:23

And why? Is that? Because you don't want to hurt them?

Jon: 34:27

Of course. Or I have a problem saying no, because I know people just, we, we love each other, right? And we wanna spend time with our loved ones and we make these excuses like I'm working too much. So I just want to go home and decompress by myself. But I get hit up by friends and family like, yo, are you coming out? You know, and I'm just like, ah, I don't feel like it. I'm too burnt out. Right? So, mm-hmm. But then I'll force myself into situations and say yes to them, even though I don't want to. And then I put myself in an even more awkward situation, you know, like I'm very limited on if I can go out to, to bars, you know, or different, different events with people using, you know, I'm very selective. Like I can pretty much only do weddings at this point, you know, or a concert here and there. Mm-hmm. Because I know, I know my limits at that point. Um, I used to have a problem with saying yes, cuz like I said, you don't wanna let people down, you know, especially your loved ones. Mm-hmm.

Lydia: 35:32

Now I hear you and sometimes you need to ask yourself the question and. One of the most important questions that I think in this case that you can ask yourself, do you give in to live up to others' expectations or do you do that specific thing because you want it?

Jon: 35:55

That's a tough question. Yes. That's a tough one. Expecta, other people's expectations are tough. And one problem that I have is I have high expectations of myself, so I'm almost too self-aware sometimes. I'm almost, mm-hmm. Like the critic in, in ourselves, you know? So I have these high expectations of myself that I wanna live up to, and I end up burnt out because of them, you know? So it's hard saying no to myself too, but, You know, the mind of a drug addict has a problem with saying no to themselves. So I'm still working on that today.

Lydia: 36:35

Yeah, I know. And that's, that's, that's my buildup question then for you. So do you then see comfort because emotionally you want to say no, but you can't because you have so many high expectations to yourself. So let, let's put aside if you are a perfectionist or if you are just extremely ambitious that it becomes unhealthy. Or is it that you, we, we put that to the side, don't know. We will get there. Don't worry. Or do you do certain things, you know? Um, so do you, do you face your, your challenges and your fears and your problems, do you face them hand on, um, thinking about, okay, I am. Unhappy or unsatisfied, but I'm gonna say yes to it because I know it'll make me feel better. So then you might seek comfort in work, extreme working hours or doing three things at the same time. Do you have an unhealthy food relationships or you start to overeat? Are you seeking comfort in drugs, in alcohol, extreme sports, in porn? Or you name it? Anything? Yeah, anything. So the question then is, is that worth it? No. Why is it then that you can't say no to protect yourself?

Jon: 38:00

I think we've, we've been trained, we've trained ourselves and I, you know, I think society's also done a really bad job at training us in the school system to just, to just do it, you know, almost go on autopilot and take on too much. Um, so

Lydia: 38:18

I hear you and yeah, and what I wanted to read to this question is the, the, the emphasis is often on, okay, you're getting selfish because you're choosing yourself and it's not, so why would you give in. Um, that you feel, okay, I don't have enough energy. I feel burned out. I am overwhelmed and I actually need to recover. But then, yes, you still do this for your mother, this for your spouse, this for your friends, and oh yeah, I will go with you to the bar as well because you need me and. So, but what is it that you need?

Jon: 38:59

We don't ask those questions though.

Lydia: 39:00

No, that's why I am there, but Yeah,

Jon: 39:04

exactly. But you're

Lydia: 39:07

asking them, right? I'm asking them. Definitely. Because it is so important to turn your. Inner negative voice and turn it around and to, you know, replace them by positive thoughts. And then I'll go back into the meditation or the journaling and to understand where it comes from. And really to take control of your inner voice is actually a way to overcome your, your doubts, your, your way of limiting yourself. Because that is actually what I think that you're doing. Because instead of opening up what you think that you're doing, you're actually limiting yourself because you're not giving yourself the freedom to choose for yourself to do the things that you love to do, to give you the energy to then say yes, the moment you want to say yes, and that you feel like doing that. And then that is part of being the true, authentic you. But that's my humble vision. That's,

Jon: 40:04

I mean, it's humble, but it, I, I'd say it's pretty damn close to being correct too. Yo-yo, we're taking a quick break so I could tell you all about a really awesome podcast called Bunny Hugs and Mental Health Run by my man, Todd Reba Bunny Hugs and Mental health deals with all things mental health from addiction, anxiety, and eating disorders to borderline personality disorders, schizophrenia and trauma. He talks to professionals, survivors, and loved ones about their sometimes informative, sometimes uplifting, and sometimes tragic stories. Definitely give my man a follow on Instagram that's Bunny Hugs podcast and tune in for some awesome, informative episodes. That's actually, so the, the journaling thing is very important to me. Obviously I'm a writer. Um, I started off with poetry and then philosophy. The, the book I published is actually almost an entire book of me journaling through recovery. So in, in order to listen to that inner, inner self, the inner thought, and I label in the book throughout the prologue, you know, I, I tell people, like, I don't, I don't have the answers to all of your, your problems. You know, I'm just, this book is here so you can actually ask yourself what those problems are. You know, cuz it's not a traditional self-help book. I can't label it that I'm not giving you a step by step process to fix your life. You know, I don't know your frigging life, so how am I gonna fix it? You know? But I wanted people to like pick the book up and like read a couple lines that I might have written in my darkest hours and then read them to their selves. Like, oh shit, I've thought that before. You know? So how can I, how can I answer that to myself and have that conversation? Because sometimes we don't like having that conversation with ourselves. We'll, we'll pick up our cell phone or turn on a TV instead, you know? Yeah.

Lydia: 42:01

But isn't that sometimes just putting your head in a, you know, to stick your head in a scent and just walk away and how long can you do that?

Jon: 42:08

I couldn't do it very long. I don't get away. Yeah. It's, it's, uh, it's detrimental, you know? I don't think there's any time, there's no timetable for fixing your life too. And I tell people that, that hit me up, or people that I haven't seen in ver a lot of years since college, and they ask me or they say, oh, you're doing, you're doing really well now, and all this stuff. And I'm like, this is like four years into it though. Like, you gotta understand, like, healing yourself from eight plus years of trauma. It's not gonna happen in the first month. You know? You gotta understand this is a long process and I think we get discouraged because we live in a. A day and age of instant gratification, we, we hit a button and we get what we want, you know, instantly

Lydia: 42:52

that's, that resonates so much with the people who contact me. They say, Lydia, um, I am in burnout. I can't do, literally, I cannot go off the couch. I'm, I'm burned out. And having said that, they want to overcome the burnout in four weeks, preferably in four days. And I'm like, okay, sorry, sorry, but. You know, you didn't get there in four days, you didn't get there in four months. So how do you think you can overcome it in four hours or four days or four weeks? You know, it's process. And exactly as what you say life is, is nonstop learning and developing yourself. And it took you four, well you said four years, but if you see what you did in those four years, I mean, I think it's a tremendous job what you did already. I mean, um, you have ups and downs, but I mean, I started to read your book and thank you so much for sending it over to me because I really like it. And even though it's what you said, it's not a self-help book, but you ask right questions, you ask exactly. Um, the things that you need to ask yourself as well. And yeah, as what you said, it's like a journal that, that I'm reading through it. And it is helpful, you know, for me having this conversation for you and I, for you and I together, and if you and I can help one person with it, it's just already, you know, it's already good. Yeah. And if you reach the right people with your book and your podcast, it's, that is the whole idea to help people and to ask them the right questions. And if you don't wanna listen to it, just close your ears. Don't read a book and don't listen to the podcast. Right. But then don't complain that you have a burnout. Right.

Jon: 44:30

Like, I'm trying to give you the tools to help you, you know, like I'm trying over here.

Lydia: 44:35

Yeah, no, you, you do really, you do a good job with that and, and I'm happy I found you. But yeah, you do need to ask indeed the right questions. And if you close your eyes for it, it's never easy to ask yourself the right question. It's never easy to answer those questions or to, you know, to face them.

Jon: 44:53

No, it, it sucks. No, I'm not gonna sugarcoat anything. Like this isn't easy, you know, and I wasn't trying to like downplay like what I've accomplished in these four years, you know? But I did have the, the first couple times that I did fail at sobriety, I did so because I got a couple months under my belt and I'm feeling good, something good happened and I'm like, mm-hmm. You know what? I do deserve a break or something. Or like, you know what? Everybody else gets to do something like that. Why don't I, you know, and I, and I slip up because I got complacent. I want, I didn't want like a couple good things to happen in my life to be it like, oh, I'm fixed now. It's been four months. Right? And I needed to keep telling myself that I'm gonna get better every single year, you know, no matter how shitty it was each

Lydia: 45:41

year. When I say often, and I think you're doing a hell of a job of that. You have, you know, you have the final. Goal that you want to reach you, you want to accomplish something, right? And you want to learn and you want, you don't want to go ever back to that. So if you set yourself a goal and you put it into a timely limit, which is very difficult,

Jon: 46:10

it's a concept of time is difficult, it is,

Lydia: 46:14

then you need to make it into smaller pieces. You know, make your big goal into smaller goals and then make it, and then your smaller goals, you need it into a bite size goal. And then right with that, you can have, as you know, when we, just before we started to record this, is that you can celebrate, uh, a small victory. Uh, a small win is a victory. So, and those celebrations, those victory moments gives you the motivation and the energy. And to prove as well to yourself, Hey, I'm on the right path. You know? So, um, that gives you the stimulants as well to go through it, not only mentally, but also physically. So your body and mind are connecting. And then you work with your whole, with your whole human being as you are instead of only your mindset, I need to do this, I need to do this, I need to have it, I need to, need to, need to need to. Because if you think like that, he will never accomplish it. And if you want to get sober in one day and for the rest of your life, oh, forget about it. Yeah. It's, it's not working.

Jon: 47:18

It's just too much to handle though, because like, you know, like, like you said, you, the people that contact you, they're like, oh, I'm trying to fix this in four days or four weeks. You know? And that's, it's not possible. You're trying to handle way too much. You know, I. Trying to get sober in one day was a difficult, a difficulty for me because, uh, as I've written in the book, I was, I was addicted to a lot of different things, and not even just harder substances too, but just like, you know, bad habits like energy drinks, cigarettes, television, uh, porn, video games on top of all the harder substances. Yeah. And I was always trying to convince myself, I'm like, all right, this is the day that I stopped doing all of it. Everything that's bad for me. I'm gonna stop right now. You know? And it never worked, you know, cuz it was too overwhelming.

Lydia: 48:08

It is because you wanna stop, you know, cold Turkey all at the same time and you cannot mentally be prepared to stop everything at the same time because, You need to prepare yourself mentally. You need to get into the right mindset. And when you say, okay, today didn't work tomorrow, I'm gonna stop at everything. At the same time, you're actually pulling so much pressure on yourself and it's so negative because you're only highlighting that you didn't succeed today, that you were not successful today. Well, if you say for example, okay, so you know what? Tomorrow my goal is I will stop with the soda. Okay? Then you stop. And the day after, I will also stop with the sugar. Because once you eat sugar, you continuously, and then with smoking, if you three days, you're not smoking, your body doesn't need it anymore, only your brain wants to have it. So you just need to prepare yourself. And that is the same because when you start with hard risk, Okay, today you need only one, and tomorrow you need two. Because the effect is never the same as your first hit. You, you, you will never feel the same as when you touch something for the very first time, because that's your very first experience. So your mind and your body, they also need to get used to like, okay, you know, he really wants to stop. We need to make sure that it happens. So instead of everything at the same time, let's stop with the soda. Let's stop. Then the day, you know, like a month later or two months later, stop with the cigarettes and then prepare yourself mentally for everything what happens. And if you then have your win, it's easier to stop with the other stuff that you still want to stay away from or get away from. So,

Jon: 49:53

right. And so with the burnout, specifically, burnout, like you said, is, is a culmination of different things depending on like work or, you know, family life or other experiences. Almost like outside of the individual. Right? And then they internalize them as stress and then they use certain habits and comforts in order to get through that stress.

Lydia: 50:20

Yes. So I have a lot of people who contact me and like, okay, uh, I feel stressed, and then I ask, okay, what do you do to de-stress yourself to get it out of your system? So I have a lot of people, so here and now where I live, you have like a wall climbing, but then in the actual mountains and then say, okay, but then, you know, I do that, but uh, don't always use, you know, the protection. So I'm living on the edge, literally. I'm like, okay, if that is worth it to you, what is the e alternative? So you need to put things into perspective. And um, I have a lot of men who say, okay, I'm gonna go for that one beer with my friend, and then they tell me the next. Time I talked to them like, yeah, that one beard that became a little bit too much. Like I had more than 10 and was not so good. And then, but then everything goes into that negative spiral because they don't sleep well and then they don't work well and then they have no energy and it goes for from, from bed to worse. And, but the moment they are in a burnout, they don't even have the energy to go out and have a beer or some time with a friend. So it is really in what face they are, um, how we can help them. But it can also just manifest that you are constantly. Perspiring or that you have, you know, like, oh, I have this feeling, I cannot control it. Or something bad happened and the anxiety is all over. But also that you can have eczema or you don't sleep very well, or you can't sleep through the night, or you can't fall asleep. Or you have all the times those illnesses that you cannot point your finger on why or how and why can't you overcome it. So there's so many physical, um, factors. Science as well. Yeah,

Jon: 52:14

I think, uh, going to see a professional about the physical ones is very important though. Like, I mean, seeing it is seeing, uh, a specialist like you for. The big questions, right, is one thing, and then I, you know, the human body is an anomaly in itself and we're still learning things about it today. So there could be reasons why your sleeping patterns are bad, or there could be reasons why your back hurts or you know, your feet, or things like that. And I've noticed that as we get older, it's harder to, you know, stay physically fit and active. And we lose energy as we get older. Um, I do know people in their thirties and forties who are in insanely good shape though, and their vigor and outlook on life is totally different from their unactive counterparts. So do you normally deal with people in their thirties and forties who are out of shape or in shape? What, what's the consensus on the percentage for that?

Lydia: 53:15

So if they come to me for stress management, that's more or less imbalance. They have a f. Relatively physical, physically okay. Condition. It's good because I have the extreme sports, uh, seekers, um, people who want to de-stress themselves by every day, like one hour, one and a half hours. Especially men, they wanna hit the gym like two hours, uh, a day, um, just to get rid of the, the stress. But the people who are in burnout, they don't have that energy. So they see themselves like from being fit and active from two hours to the gym, um, to zero minutes into the gym. And, and it is very difficult because a lot of the times when you have a burnout or you feel extremely stressed, it hits your body because your body is giving you the signals like, hey, you are not listening to your mind. So how do you want me to, you know, to, to. Get you to understand that something is wrong with you, then your body will, will just say at one point, Hey, you know, I don't have the motivation. I lack energy. I cannot do the things that I normally like, or I cannot enjoy those things. So first you need to make sure that you have nothing medically under the belt that needs to be looked after. Um, and then often when everything is okay, it's often the mentality right that hits you and that's the stress that keeps you, you know, awake at night and, um, that you don't make the right choices to prevent you from being you.

Jon: 54:49

Of course, and I think the universe does a really good job at piling all the really bad things on at once in order to make us reevaluate how we're supposed to get through them specifically. I, I went through a burnout in September, so it was pretty, it, it was fairly recent. And, you know, I'm just doing the podcast, trying to put out a book. Uh, I was working two jobs. I'm just very, very, very busy. And I had lost, uh, my, my cat, which I had for 13 years, which was, You know, as they say, the, the straw that broke the camel's back. And then a week after that, I rolled my ankle playing basketball. So I play basketball as a de-stressor. It's like, it's like my top priority with my free time. And as I rolled my ankle, I'm like, okay, now I can't be active. You know, my cat's dead. And then I started smoking cigars again. And all of these things started happening, right? Yeah. And it took me a, it took me a month or two to finally start asking those questions to myself again. I'm like, well, why do I feel like shit? And I laid'em all out and I'm like, well, come on. It's, it's pretty blatant, you know? Mm-hmm. So now I'm, what? It's, it's almost the end of April, so five months later. And obviously I'm doing a lot better than I was back then. You know, I was gonna say, doing those things, asking those big questions, it, it's tough to do, but it was necessary for me, you know? So

Lydia: 56:17

when you find the answer to those questions, can you execute them? Can you put things in place to avoid it? Obviously you can, because I'm looking at you right now. You look for a demo. So

Jon: 56:30

yeah, it, it wasn't so easy though, because here's the thing, I, like I said, I'm very self-aware, so insanely self-aware to the point that even the first week that it was all happening, I was already asking these questions to myself. So technically I was asking myself that question, the question for two months, right. Before I was able to actually execute it.

Lydia: 56:51

Yeah. But it takes still, it takes two months, right? Right. But luckily it was then only if you put it into something, uh, positive, it only took you then two months and you got out of it instead of staying in that face and like, okay. I asked myself the same question over and over, and I do ask myself the difficult questions. But I do nothing with it. Because it might be easier because overcoming your burnout or your manager's stress, and as you ask me the question, you know, is it more work related? And now you answer the question, when you got your burnout, it was, you know, two jobs at the same time. Um, your cat passed away. Your cat passed away. Um, you have so many things at the same time, and then your distress factor falls away because physically, and why does it help? You know, why did you come into that physical state that you just rolled your ankle? It's probably because your mind was somewhere else, because your mind and your body or disconnected. So then you have this ball that starts to roll. Yeah. And then it rolls into the negative side instead of just stopping it and turn it back. So there's always a little bit of a challenge. Where is the balance? Right. But hey, you asked the question, you answered it as well and you executed it, so

Jon: 58:10

appreciate that. Yeah. Thumbs up. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Um, let, I, I like how you mentioned, you like how I call myself out on my bullshit on my podcast and I'd like to think that my struggles are very transparent. So I hope that not even just people in general, but men specifically are able to. Have these vulnerable moments with themselves. You know, like, I'm not, I'm not impenetrable, I'm not some indestructible hero. Like, we're all just human, you know? But I, I think becoming humble in that approach is where we start to actually heal.

Lydia: 58:47

I think you said a good example because with this, um, with your podcast, you show as well that you're vulnerable and it's, it's good to also be in contact with that side of yourself. I mean, you can be the toughest guy on the planet, but you need to, you know, also, you always have some, some kind of like, okay, in a dialogue with yourself that, what can I do? What do I need to do to make myself feel better? Or how can I overcome this and coming back? Then you have so often, you know, the shame talking into yourself, but who is talking that in your ear? Who is whispering that in your ear? I mean,

Jon: 59:25

it's usually your inner critic. Honestly.

Lydia: 59:28

Exactly. And exactly. So

Jon: 59:30

there's actually a book I, I haven't gotten around to finishing it. It's, uh, called The Untethered Soul. Um, and he writes a lot about that inner critic or the inner voices in our head. And one thing I took away from it that was so important is like, not every thought that flies through your head as yours, right? So even your inner critic can be like baseless too. It's like, why is it even saying that? You know, like it's just trying to make you feel shitty or it's just a random thought, you know? Like you don't have to blow these thoughts out of proportion and dig yourself into the ground like a railroad spike. Like shit. Just like take a step back. Exactly.

Lydia: 1:00:08

And often when I have, um, one of my man clients, um, so it's you inner critic, but also, you know, you're limiting beliefs. And I ask them, okay, prove me. Show me your proof, show it to me. Where is this coming from? Do you have proof that this is actually happening? Um, can you state that fact? Because I often get so many facts s slapped in my face, which are not a fact. But in in the hat it is a fact because you believe at one point what you're thinking is what's happening and you might can literally take the piss out of you because, and it's not always correct and I'm sorry that I'm so strong, but it is just often. Not the way it is, right? But we like to dwell on, on, on drama, even men, and see the things that are not there. Well, you can just easily overcome it in a different way. And it is just the way how you react. So it's often your reaction, um, of your, your thinking pattern. It's not a reaction to stress that kills you, but it's often your, you know what you're thinking, right? Because you start one, one way and it is this turmoil and it goes on and on and on and on. And then you get this vicious circle. So when do you put a stop on it? And when can you step out? And you can turn it around. But if you have this idea, you're just so like

Jon: 1:01:37

narrow minded. Yeah. You narrow minded. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, I think it's, uh, I think it's all about practice at that point. Uh, taking that step back and, uh, there's a famous, uh, stoic quote, and it, I think it's, we suffer more in our imagination than we do in reality, you know? Yeah. And, and I, you know, the human imagination is beautiful, but I, I feel like we all watch a little too much TV or there's too much media. So like you said, the, we have these thoughts and we blow'em out of proportion, and you're like, show me the facts. Show me why you're thinking this. You know? And most of the time we don't even know. We're like, I have no idea. I just thought it, you know, and it's like, so why is it holding so much weight on your mind then, you know?

Lydia: 1:02:22

Yeah. So what holds you back to think positively? Because it's so easy to think negatively. Right, right, right. Because that, that, that's, that's, but it is just, you know, you just need to get out of it. But how do you get out of it? No, that's the big

Jon: 1:02:39

question though. That's the question you're asking for people. Right.

Lydia: 1:02:43

Those are the questions I ask. I I am known for not asking the easy questions, but

Jon: 1:02:49

yeah, I think the, the difficult questions are the most productive though. Let's be honest.

Lydia: 1:02:55

Yeah. That's why I need 30 minutes with you and then I know who you are. I don't need to have five sessions with you to understand who you are. If you open up to me, obviously that's, that's the big question as well, because, um, if you don't want to, I cannot force you. I'm not gonna pool on a, not gonna pool. It needs to come from you.

Jon: 1:03:13

Right. Like you have to wanna say it, you know,

Lydia: 1:03:17

you have to want it. Yeah. Just the same as that. You want to overcome, uh, you know, that you want to be sober because if other people are forcing you to get sober, it's not working. That's what happened maybe for a day. It,

Jon: 1:03:31

it happened for a little bit. I, and it, and it failed. Obviously, like you said, you gotta want it for yourself, you know? And I, I actually tried to convince somebody very close in my life to, to get sober for a long time, and they didn't do it until they wanted to. You know, like no matter how many good points I made, or no matter how many different angles I had them look at it from, like mm-hmm. They didn't, they didn't do it until they wanted to do it. You know,

Lydia: 1:04:01

you can only help them to see the positive things for the moment they get sober. But if it's not within the person itself, you are, you're pulling at dead horse. I mean, it's, it's just,

Jon: 1:04:13

it's not working. Yeah. It's pointless, almost. Actually,

Lydia: 1:04:18

the only thing that you can help with is to make them aware of what are the possibilities and you know, what is on the other end. But still, if there's no wish or desire, if that's not what they want, if that's not what they need in their mind, it's not helping. It could actually, you know, Put them, you know, like, okay, I'm gonna take some distance from you because you're just preaching to the wrong church. You know? Right. It's

Jon: 1:04:44

right. And you can push'em away. Actually,

Lydia: 1:04:46

yes you can. So you need to be careful as well how you do that. And I think you can, because you know, you went through the experience yourself, you lifted and you're still living it. So that makes a different approach and, and that's easier. That's why if I put it to myself, that's why I have people coming to me because they ask. So how can you be so authentic? How can you just say no or just don't take the BS? Or just say, okay, yeah, I'm sorry. So I feel throughout the negative and the toxic people from my life because I say no. Um, and I'm not being selfish, but I just want to protect. Me, for me, I want to be true to myself. I wanna look myself in the mirror and happy in the morning, but also in the evening, you, when I brush my teeth, that I am still me, you know? Right. And, um, yeah, I can only be me. So if I, for example, if I do something for Instagram and I need to do a real, I'm like, okay, yeah, I am tired today, but then it's just me. There's no filter over it and you know, you like me or not you want me or not. And, and that's it. You know, just take me who I am because I cannot be somebody else. And if this is what you need and what gives you your objectives and your goals, and help you to overcome whatever it is that you need to overcome, then stay true to yourself because this is so important. It's so significant for your, for the rest of your, for your life to come, because then you don't have. To take like three steps back and feel that you need to seek comfort in food, in work, or an excessive whatever it is that you need.

Jon: 1:06:32

Um, it's all about feeling comfortable in your own skin essentially.

Lydia: 1:06:36

Exactly, exactly. Yeah. But you need to get there. Yeah. And then, then you will hit it off.

Jon: 1:06:41

Right. You gotta ask those big questions on the way though, you know?

Lydia: 1:06:46

Yeah.

Jon: 1:06:48

So I think we ha hit a lot of really good points in today's talk, and this conversation has been amazing. Um, I'd also like to point out, I think you spoke about it last week. It is, is it stress awareness month? April

Lydia: 1:07:03

is, yes, it is. The month of April is stress awareness.

Jon: 1:07:08

Yes. All right. For everybody that just heard that, be aware of your stress and do something about it. By seeking out somebody to listen to you. At least don't sit on the couch please. If you're listening to this, uh, hit somebody up who's gonna help you. You know, there are plenty of resources out there in order for you to live a better life. So, you know, don't wait another day. Don't put it off. You know, this isn't really something that you can put on the back burner forever, cuz it just gets more difficult to change as you get older, in my opinion. So today's the day, honestly, you gotta tell yourself that.

Lydia: 1:07:46

Right on. That's absolutely, thank you. That was. Perfectly.

Jon: 1:07:52

I think, I think I did a good job with that one. Yeah. Nice.

Lydia: 1:07:55

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is a really good one. And then once you hit it and you overcome everything, then you just need to find out, you know, um, how much confidence, uh, can you put in your self and you can keep up your self-esteem and your self-confidence and to stay true to yourself. So, but those are the steps, um, you know, further and along the road. Right. But yeah, you need to stay true to yourself and, and see how you can stay and be happy with

Jon: 1:08:22

yourself. Exactly. And there's nothing to be ashamed of, I promise. You know, you know, everybody started from somewhere, so don't feel too bad about the mistakes you've made cuz we're all here trying to live a better life, you know? So I appreciate you coming out today. This was a fantastic episode. So if there's anything, is there anything specifically you'd like to tell everyone before we sign off?

Lydia: 1:08:49

I would like to tell people to start listening to yourself, um, to find out who you are, who you truly are, and who you want to be. Um, the moment you know who you are, deep down inside, if you can be your true you, you manage your stress and everybody is worth it of being loved, happy, be successful in any way you want it, and make sure you live. Your life the way you want it

Jon: 1:09:17

beautifully said. Honestly, I really appreciate, uh, you coming out today. So if you haven't, uh, check Serenity Coach Lydia out on Instagram. There's a link tree link there. Uh, give her website a look. Do everything you can to look at the resources she has for you. Uh, if you haven't already, like, follow, subscribe, and all those listening and social media platforms for the Feel Free podcast. Um, always be searching for your true, authentic self. Thanks everybody for coming out for this episode, and I hope you have a good start to your week or weekend. So peace out.