Todd Rennebohm: From Addiction to Mental Health Advocacy

In this intriguing episode, we have the pleasure of chatting with Todd Rennebohm, a mental health advocate, host of the Bunny Hugs and Mental Health Podcast, and author of Sometimes Daddy Cries. Todd shares his journey of understanding depression, anxiety and substance abuse, which started when he was 18 years old. He talks about the various steps he took to try and address his mental health, including medication and counseling. Despite these efforts, he found himself self-medicating with alcohol and marijuana, ultimately leading to a suicide attempt. Listen in as Todd opens up about his time in a psych ward and how this experience marked the beginning of his true proactive approach to mental health. Throughout the conversation, Todd emphasizes the importance of being proactive in addressing mental health issues, as well as the support from loved ones in overcoming these challenges. Don't miss this heartfelt and enlightening episode!

WARNING: The subject of suicide comes up in this episode. If this is triggering and you no longer feel safe, please seek professional help and phone the suicide help hotline: 1-800-273-8255 and dial 1

Listen to the Bunny Hugs and Mental Health Podcast:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bunny-hugs-and-mental-health/id1560055327

Follow Bunny Hugs and Mental Health on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/bunnyhugspodcast/?hl=en

Purchase Sometimes Daddy Cries on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Sometimes-Daddy-Cries-Todd-Rennebohm/dp/0228834678

Transcript

Jon: 0:06

Yo. So I got my man, Todd Rennebohm here, a mental health advocate host of the Bunny Hugs and Mental Health podcast, and author of Sometimes Daddy Cries. And I have my copy right here for everybody to see. Nice. Yes. So I got a man, uh, does a lot of good work, helping people heal and also helping people laugh. So really just honored to have my man on the podcast. How you doing,

Todd: 0:36

Todd? Good, good. Thank you for, uh, for thinking I'm s somewhat. Humorous. Ah, I try to be a smart ass and, well, I don't try to actually, it just comes naturally, but, uh, I, I'm glad that you got a kick out of it. No,

Jon: 0:51

you got some good jokes in there too. You take a lot of, I, I like the conversations you have with your guests too, and you're able to throw a little comedy in there too. So it's, it's, it's informative and it's fun to be there, so Of course we appreciate it.

Todd: 1:04

Oh, right on. Right on. Well, thanks man.

Jon: 1:07

No problem. Um, so I wanted to have you here today to obviously share a little bit about your story, uh, what you're about, your message and all that stuff, and kind of like what brought you to do what you're doing. Um, so I know the first question you might have asked me when I was on your podcast was, were you a traditional 12 stepper.

Todd: 1:28

I, I, I was, um, I, it took me a long time to find any kinda treatment or want to stop using, but, uh, once I did, yeah, I, uh, I live in a very small town in the middle of No Canada. Uh, and I didn't have much options, but an AA group, which, which only meant once a week and, um, and to go through, uh, Treatment center that, you know, it's, it's 12 step based. So yeah,

Jon: 2:00

right now the really big question was I wanted to ask. When did you start taking your mental health seriously? Or what led you to start taking your mental health seriously?

Todd: 2:14

Hmm. Um, well, I thought I was always taking it seriously. Um, I remember I was like 18 years old and I had some friends that were five or six years older than me, and he had depression. He was on medication and stuff. I'm 45 now, so that was like, you know, 30 freaking years ago, not quite, but close to 30 years ago. And, uh, he, he actually sat me down and explained what depression and anxiety was cuz I just, I, I had no idea what the hell was wrong with me. I just couldn't get outta bed some days. And, uh, I, you know, I was constantly scared to do things, which was the anxiety. Right. Um, so then I, uh, I actually saw a doctor then, and. Uh, it, he basically didn't help me at all, so I thought I was doing something, you know, uh, proactive about it. And then I, uh, I, I remember like my wife when we first started dating, I remember sitting her down and trying to explain that I kind of had some bouts of depression and stuff. And so like, just little things like that I thought was being very proactive and probably was back then, like 30, 25, 30 years ago because I was talking about it. I wasn't just hiding it. Right. Uh, and then, let's see, it was probably another, mm, let's see, it was probably 15 years ago. I first went and saw a doctor. Sorry, not first. I, I went and saw a doctor again, and, uh, that this time they did put me on medication and stuff. And so I, I took some time off work and I thought, okay, I'm. This is, this is what I do now. Like, I didn't, I didn't understand how to take care of my mental health really. That said, I was also drinking a smoking pot. Like, uh, they were both going outta style and, uh, turns out neither are going outta style. But, um, so anyway, I, uh, You know, I thought I was being proactive and then I started seeing a counselor and I was like, oh, I'm being real proactive. But at the same time I was also like I was doing things that were outside my moral code we'll say. So, um, uh, you know, I was hurting my wife. I was a bad father, I was a bad employee, I was a bad son like I was, you know, I was a mess and I thought I was doing all the right things, cuz just because I'm taking medication and go to therapy. Again, I wasn't doing any of the work that the therapist was giving me. I was still smoking and drinking, constantly smoking pot, drinking all the time. So, you know, so it's kind of funny. I, and so in retrospect, I actually wasn't really doing anything. I, in a way, right? Cause I wasn't doing any of the work other than just going through the motions really. Uh, and then, uh, I, you know, shit came to a head and I had a suicide attempt and there was about a good year. I mean, I was like obsessed about death and I was really low and I, yeah, that's when I was really doing things outside my moral code. Uh, so then I thought, So then I went to the psych ward and I was in there for a couple weeks and, uh, I thought, okay, well I'm obviously being proactive cuz I'm in the hospital now. Uh, which again, uh, is not being proactive. That's just a safe space for you to not hurt yourself. Um, so I kept seeing a, a counselor and stuff and, but again, I, I just kept smoking weed. Uh, I kind of took a break from the drinking, so, I mean, there was no. And the, yeah, I, I was doing something I thought was being proactive, right? And then it was about, it was like six years ago in November, and I was miserable and I'd stopped all the partying and at this point it was just every night in my garage alone, drinking and smoking pot, um, for hours on end and playing my guitar and feeling sorry for myself. Uh, and so I was feeling. Really suicidal that night cuz I had tried to stop drinking before I had tried to stop some smoking pot. I tried to be, uh, quote unquote normal and not be depressed. And, uh, yeah, I went into the house, I sat up in my computer. I, I wrote basically what was a suicide note. Um, but it was actually the first draft of my kids' book. Uh, and, uh, I thought, this is, this is it. Like I've, I've fucked around with this enough. I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna die. And. You know, I'm so, I was so drunk and high. I don't actually remember this, but I, I, I actually, what ended up happening was I woke up my wife and, uh, she ended up taking me to my local hospital here in my small town. And, and that was really the, the beginning of actually doing work now. Uh, so that was the last night I drank was actually the night I wrote the first draft of my kids' book was the night I. I stopped drinking. Uh, it took me about a week later to stop smoking pot cuz I was detoxing in the hospital, going out to the parking lot, smoking weed. And then my doctor was like, you know what, you're not allowed to go outside anymore. We know what you're doing. Ah. I was like, oh, okay. Thought I was sneaky. Yeah. And then he was the one, it was actually my doctor was a huge. Like my family doctor, uh, was, was I, you know, lots of people saved, helped save my life. But he was kind of the, the first one that really like said, you, you have to go to treatment, you have to go to AA meetings, you have to start seeing a counselor and start doing the fucking work. Uh, and he really drilled it in my head. And at that point in my life, I'd, you know, I was so sick and tired of living that way that I, you know, it took a couple days of convincing, but um, cuz it was just so scary, like, Change. It's basically changing your whole life. Like a new normal is, was freaking me out, but, but, uh, but I did it and so, so I'd say that's was what really what, uh, got my life or that's, that's really when I started being pro actually proactive with my mental health was when I quit drinking.

Jon: 7:55

Right. And put in the work to actually do that. Mm-hmm.

Todd: 7:58

I don't if that was a long, boring answer or not, but that's, no,

Jon: 8:00

that's what it was. That was a perfectly length answer, honestly. Uh, I thought it was, I thought it was funny that you said that you smoked for a week while you were kind of getting off of the booze. Cuz I, I actually did the same shit, so I couldn't get rid of it all at the same time, or I would've probably lost my marbles even further, you know?

Todd: 8:21

Yeah. It was harm reduction, right,

Jon: 8:25

right. Um, yeah. So six years ago you finally. Took the steps to start being proactive. Um, yeah. And you, you said that that was the first draft for your, your children's book, um mm-hmm. Uh, so that was six years ago. How long did it take you to finish the children's book? Another

Todd: 8:45

four years. Uh, so, uh, six months ago I was diagnosed with adhd. And I was like, fuck. No kidding. A, um, a I'm Canadian, by the way. Uh, uh, you know, I, I, I, yeah. When I start a major project, it takes me a while. Um, But it was also, you know, I kept coming back to it and changing the draft. Like the first draft was really just real. It was really small and it was like, uh, it was still through the eyes of a kid watching his dad go through depression and stuff. And, and I say it was a suicide note, but it was, you know, it wasn't like, You know, I, I'm leaving this world. It was like, I think it was guilt putting, having my kids watch me through the years, just constantly fuck up and be a dip shit and whatever, and just not be, not be present really. Cause I was always either hungover or high. So, so I, yeah, I kind of wrote this little scribble down this thing about a kid watching his. Dad go through depression and whatever. But yeah, so then, then he evolved and then, you know, so I'd work on it. I'd leave it for like six months and I'd come back and then I started talking with an illustrator and then I left it again and came back and, um, then Covid hit. And I thought, God damnit, I'm gonna finish this project, come hell or high water. So then I, I actually was able to finish it and, uh, and uh, you know, it's self-published. I, not a lot of, I I, I sent it out to a couple places and it's a little, well you've read the book. It's, it's, I've read the book. Yeah. It's age appropriate, but it's still, I think, scary for, uh, a child's book company to really wanna. Of course put their money into it's, you know, slightly controversial maybe, I don't know, because it talks about taking medication and going to the hospital and stuff like that. So yeah,

Jon: 10:32

sometimes I, I think having that conversation is necessary though, you know, and I mean, if it's, it's not traditional, it doesn't mean it's, it's not still useful, you know. So I agree. Yeah. It was just your, your message was just different from what, you know, the traditional books are to be sold by, you know?

Todd: 10:50

Yeah. You know, I, I don't think people give kids enough credit to understand stuff that. You know, it's, it was the one company where they were like, oh, it's not fluffy enough, and the illustrations are scary looking. And I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? Like, what do you want? Like a fluffy cloud talking about depression? Like, no, no, no, no. That's like, so it's so, it's realistic, but it's, you know, it straddles the line of not, it's not scary. Realistic. Oh. But it's also not, you know, Fluffy either. So it kind of STRs the line of it's realistic but not scary. So, uh, absolutely, like I'm not proud of a lot of things I've done in my life, but I'm really proud of that book. I think it came out exactly how, how I wanted it, so hell yeah. Fuck with it.

Jon: 11:30

Yeah, it's a good ass book. Yeah, I wouldn't, I wouldn't change the thing about it. Yeah. Honestly. Um, Yeah, I read it. And then, um, my girlfriend is also a special education teacher here in the Chicago land area, so she loved the book too. Um, nice. It just does a great job, like having that conversation, like you said, you know, we don't give kids enough credit. Like they notice that stuff, you know, they might not know how to put it in big people words, but they, they know those feelings and. Yeah, I think, yeah, I think you're, you hit it on the head with that. It was a really great book. Appreciate that.

Todd: 12:05

Yeah, thanks. Yeah. And, and, and the surprising feedback I've gotten back cause I, you know, it was meant for kids to like, Kind of, uh, relate and, um, understand depression better. But a lot of, although a lot of mothers are buying to book because their husbands are going through this and they have kids, and so a lot of mothers are saying, you know, it's, it's, it's also he helping my husband to accept what's going on and Right. And to normalize it and stuff. And I was like, oh shit. I, you know, when I was working on it, I never. Actually thought about that part, but, so it's, uh, it's like, oh, cool. Right

Jon: 12:39

on. Yeah. It all, it all comes full circle, honestly.

Todd: 12:42

Yeah. Yeah. So,

Jon: 12:45

yes. Do you, do you still do the, uh, the meetings, the traditional 12

Todd: 12:49

step? Uh, not since covid. Okay. So I've actually, I have more years sober, not going to 12 step meetings. Then, uh, going to 12 step meetings. And, uh, I, I don't, as far, you know, I, it doesn't, like, I don't push or promote the 12 step me 12 step meetings if you're into them, cool. But there's, you know, there's other ways to get and stay sober. And it's a, you know, it's a spectrum. Some people need, the meetings need, you know, five a week. Uh, I needed them in early sobriety for sure. Uh, coming outta treatment and stuff. Um, But I, I felt pretty comfortable in my sobriety and I, I do right now still. And, uh, you know, I, I, I do other things to, uh, Stay on top of it. I, you know, I, I, uh, talk with other addicts all the time. I, I even worked at the, um, the treatment center for a couple years that I went to. Uh, I was still going to meetings then, but, but I, but you know, I, I made a lot of friends and stuff through there, so I keep in contact with people and stuff, and, you know, I, I, yeah, I, I did all the 12 steps. So I feel like, you know, I, I, I don't know what I'm trying

Jon: 13:59

to say, but you, you did the work is what you're trying to say.

Todd: 14:03

Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, I'm also doing the maintenance stuff too, I think, or, or at least I

Jon: 14:09

tried to. Yeah. But you found your own formula for it after That's not totally the 12 step. It's, it's like your own 12 steps, you know? Yeah,

Todd: 14:17

that's right. And, and actually even, uh, Getting the ADHD diagnosis has been huge. You know, I'm, I'm now on proper meds and I'm doing like the proper treatment. Uh, cuz some of the counseling I was doing and I wasn't doing the work was because it just, I couldn't. It wouldn't register with my brain, or I couldn't, I couldn't do like, here, take these worksheets home and, and work on these worksheets. I, it just, I don't do paperwork. Like, that's not how my brain works. I'm not gonna go home and do homework and, and feel better, right. For no. So, so now it's like, you know, when I talk to an ADHD coach or someone, then, you know, it's through that pers ADHD perspective. And, and so I'm feeling, uh, And so that actually helps with like cravings and all types of things like my depression, anxiety, and addiction. We're all under the ADHD umbrella. Uh, so I'm no longer treating symptoms, but I'm actually treating the cause of all these things now it feels like. So, so yeah, that's been a big help. Yeah. Yeah.

Jon: 15:16

The one thing catch my breath, uh, the one thing you uh mentioned was, uh, the treatment center that you had started. Uh, kind of working at and, and speaking for, um mm-hmm. How, how did that come about and was that like in your early sobriety as well?

Todd: 15:31

Yeah. Uh, so the treatments center was actually in my small town, like, and, and then all the other clients that I was in there with, like, no one's from my town that's in there. Uh, so it's like I'm work, like the staff are like, Childhood friends, parents and stuff like this, right? Like, so it was kinda weird. Like my, like literally the town I live in is like less than 2000 people. So like everyone knows everybody or related to everybody, so, geez, it was kinda weird. Yeah, it was kinda weird being in this treatment center where it's like, I know all the staff because, you know, I just, I just know them. They're neighbors and friends and stuff. So anyway. Um, After I left, they always encourage you to come and do return visits, uh, whether you've relapsed or not, come and talk to the, the new clients and, you know, let them know what it's like outside of treatment and, you know, the, uh, and stuff like that. So I was going probably once a month back there to, to, uh, talk to people and after a year sober, There was a new director there, and the director was actually, she was doing her, um, uh, what's it called when a student sits in with a counselor practicum. She was doing her practicum. So she was a student when I was a client there, and she really liked me for whatever reason or liked my story or whatever. So she, she asked me to start coming once a month and actually speak to all the clients, not just sit in with group and stuff. So, um, so yeah, I do that once a month for about a year. And then she approached me and said, you know what? I, I, I want you on staff now. So I was like, okay, yeah, fuck, giddy up. Um, it didn't, I have to take a big pay cut from what I was doing, but, uh, uh, it didn't matter to me. Like it was like, uh, I mean, it, it took me a little while to decide. I shouldn't say it didn't matter. It did at first, but it was worth it. Um, so yeah, I worked there for, I think it was about a year and a half before Covid hit and it closed down and there was also a fire. And so, shit, they're no longer here. They're the place burnt down. They reopened, but it's like, uh, like an hour and a half away. So I, uh, damn, I never did go back, but. Yeah, and it was amazing, man. Like working there was fucking amazing. Uh, I loved it. I absolutely loved the clients. I loved, I loved all of it. It was just so cool.

Jon: 17:47

Would you ever consider like picking up a job like that again if it came around?

Todd: 17:51

Um, well I think I love podcasting better. Hey, there you go. Um, it would be great, but I. I don't, man. Okay, so here's my life story. I, I don't think I had a job for longer than two years. The same job, right? So I buzzed around from job to job to job to job, right? And uh, and it's partly because of. I think my adhd. So it was like, Hey, this job is cool and novelty wears off. And it's like, oh, now it's starting to be kind of boring and, uh, um, a little more challenging than I was hoping. So like, boop, I, I dip out. So to, so to actually go to school for like three or four years to have a job that I probably quit after a year. Like, nah, I don't think it's financially. Good. But, um, so no, I don't think I'd ever do that. So yeah, my hopes is to make enough money eventually on the podcast that I can. Do that full-time and whatever, but that's every podcaster's dream, right? So that is

Jon: 18:57

the dream for sure.

Todd: 18:58

Yeah. We'll see, I just, uh, actually just came up to a hundred episodes. Um, there's only 95 release right now, but I've, I have over a hundred recorded now, so I was like, it was a big milestone, and I'm like, Ooh, yeah, that's

Jon: 19:11

tight. Hell yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice. Um, yeah, I wanted to talk a little bit about the, uh, the podcast too. Um, Now, obviously you came out with the children's book and aside from, you know, speaking at the, uh, the treatment center mm-hmm. You also obviously like speak at events now too. You do public speaking and whether that's on like panels, you know, over the internet or in person as well. Mm-hmm. Um, so when did you. Decide to do the podcast.

Todd: 19:43

Um, that was also during Covid and I'd finished the book. I was like, well, Kate did that. So I was like, okay, well now what do I do? Uh, and I'd done enough speaking and enough, um, I was on other people's podcasts and whatever I, I'd done enough that I was like, I was tired of, I wasn't tired of it, but I, I wanted, I wanted to hear other people's stories cuz people were always contacting me anyway, like, Uh, about their stories, and I was like, well, for God sake, like I know enough people. That would have good, uh, you know, stories. And I used to play in bands and stuff, so I had the gear, uh, I had the time cause it was covid, so I was like, you know, it's about time I, I'd been thinking about doing it for a while, so I was like, fuck it, I'm gonna do it. And I thought, um, maybe I'll just do like five to 10 episodes. And I was gonna do it all just kind of local people. So it's just gonna be, I live in the, in the province of Saskatchewan, so I thought, you know, I'll make it a very. Saskatchewan based mental health podcast in the first 10 episodes. Were kinda like that, but I fucking liked it so much. I was like, fuck this. I'm going, I like, I wanna, I wanna talk to everybody now. So I just, uh, it just kept going and going and going. So two years later, over two years later now, and a hundred episodes, I'm like, I'm still loving it. So, I dunno, I'm, I think maybe I found something. That is, it gives me enough purpose and gives me enough dopamine, both of them. Uh, that, uh, it, it keeps it new all the time. So I, I think I found what I wanna do. Yeah, I

Jon: 21:20

mean, you, you got some pretty big name people coming on your podcast too, and it's, it's interesting cuz you don't do just like a general, uh, wellness. You have like, People who come on that are also coaches or like treat it like professionals. Then you have people who are going through it, you know, whether it's uh, neuro divergent people or trauma victims or anything. Like, you pretty much bring in everybody and everybody on the podcast and Yeah. Yeah. The, the stories are literally every end of the spectrum, so it's, it's, you're always gonna find something that you can relate to if you go into your catalog, which is awesome.

Todd: 21:56

Yeah. Yeah. And, and that's part of the dopamine hit. I think it's like, um, it's different every time. Yeah. Yeah. If I just focus on one, whether it was just depression or schizophrenia or whatever, like, or, uh, or addiction, whatever, I think I would, I wouldn't keep doing it, but I, I like that mental health is so vague. I can, I can talk, basically, I can talk to anyone I feel like talking to and, you know, I can put a mental health twist on it somehow, or they can, or whatever. Um, not that it's that vague, but, you know, um, I, I do. Yeah, I, I, I wanna mix it up a lot. So, yeah, lately I've, and sometimes you'll see, I kind of go through phases too, where it's like, I, I, for a while there were standup comedians. Like I'd had like three or four standup comedians and a clump of like, um, eight episodes. And it's like, oh God, okay. I got, and then something, something. Then I get hooked onto something else, and then I get hooked onto something else. So anyway, right now I've been talking a lot, a bit, a lot about, um, men's mental health. Um, But I'm also kind of doing Instagram live too, so that I don't saturate the pod, the podcast with all the same kind of content. So I kind of spread it all over the place too. So, so yeah, I've been kind of involved in some of those kind of discussions and had, uh, people on the podcast talking about that stuff cuz it is a, it's a thing. Yeah.

Jon: 23:17

I was gonna, Well, it is mental health awareness month and the conversation about men's mental health is very important. Um, we don't really need to get into statistics on how I think it struggles across the globe, you know? Mm-hmm. Do you think that we're getting better as men with being more vulnerable with our, um, I'd say our shame, failure and shortcomings, cuz I feel like that's the only way that we're ever going to grow and heal is coming to terms with it.

Todd: 23:48

Uh, I do, I think, uh, okay, so I'm Generation X. What's next? Millennials, I think millennials and the, whatever's younger than millennials, I think, I think they're getting a lot better with, uh, With not just talking, but also just being able to understand what they're feeling. Uh, you know, I was raised by boomers, which is whatever. It's fine. Um, you know, but, you know, there's also a, you know, uh, I, I call it the, um, no, well, I don't call it, it's called the Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, you know? Mm-hmm. So, um, You know, the, my, my parents and their parents were like worried about world wars and things like that. So, you know, mental health was low on the hierarchy of needs. And now, now it's like, you know, even if you're poor, you know, you, you're still. You know, you have shelter, you have food and stuff, so we don't have to worry about that. So then things like mental health do bump up a little more on the hierarchy of needs. So, uh, I think right now the generations are in a bit of a transition spot. So, uh, people my age, I'm 45, so people my age, uh, you know, from 45 to like 65, you hang out all these male celebrities that are taking their own lives and stuff like this. And I think it is because they, I think part of it is they don't. They were never taught how to express their emotions either appropriately or even how to identify their emotions. Uh, which I think a lot of men don't know that they're depressed, uh, and or have anxiety or whatever, and it comes out as anger or binge drinking or whatever. Um, being aggressive and. Frustrated and yelling at the kids and stuff. Uh, so I think, I think the younger generations are getting at better at identifying their emotions and being more self-aware of what's going on and why they're feeling things. So, uh, so yeah, I do think it's getting better, but my generation is, seems to be struggling right now a bit.

Jon: 25:46

Yeah. I I think we still have like a long way to go, obviously in the conversation. Mm-hmm. Um, I'm part of the millennial generation and it used to be, Even if like people found out, like in grade school or high school, that you went to therapy, people still looked at you. Differently, you know? Mm-hmm. Um, including myself, but I honestly think it's necessary. I was even just talking to my therapist last week and he said, we should use therapy as like a, how many times you go to the dentist or you go to get a checkup at the doctor, you know, once a year just to check how everything's doing. He says, I think it should be more common for people to do the same thing with like a therapist, you know?

Todd: 26:25

Yeah. Yeah. Be proactive, not reactive. It's like now that you're in the throes of. Suicidal thoughts and stuff, like just go get the oil changed once in a while and then, you know, you won't have, uh, seized pistons. Is that a thing? I dunno what the fuck I'm talking about. But it's, it's more like a maintenance thing than it is, uh, uh, a triage thing.

Jon: 26:46

Of course. And, you know, taught, everyone said like how with mental health, You were thinking you were doing the work back in the day and I thought I was doing the same shit. I'm gonna be honest. Yeah. Cuz I started going to therapy at the age of 16 and once I started, you know, we come into that teenage age and we start distrusting the world and the only thing I trusted was, you know, the booze or the weed and my group of friends, you know? Mm-hmm. And unfortunately, all of those sources aren't really gonna give you. Very healthy answers to what you're going through. So I think coming to terms with going to get an unbiased opinion about something, it's like, yeah, you can talk to your friends about the shit you're going through, but like there are literally people who are trained to like help you through things. You know? Mm-hmm. And it was tough. I started changing at the age of 26, I told myself, I, I'm wrong and I need help for what I'm wrong, for what I've been doing to myself. Right. So I admitted that, and at that moment I was able to change, you know, because I admitted that. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And it's, it's nice because more people are doing that here in the millennial and gen, gen Z generation, obviously.

Todd: 28:05

Mm. Yeah. And I, I think it is cuz yeah, people are more aware now that, oh shit, this is, this is pretty important. Like, trying to identify what emotion you're going through and why you're going through it is important. And I mean, I never, I mean, I remember being in, in treatment and. They, they said, you know, you have to start feeling your feelings. I was like, it made no sense to me. Like I do feel my feelings, like I'm fucking miserable all the fucking time. But, um, But once I got sober, then I, and, and they gave us a, a, a sheet of paper with like this emotion wheel thing. So it's like a, a wheel. And then, you know, this closer to the wheel, it's, yeah, so like the outside of the wheel is like happy, sad, whatever. But then you go under happy and it breaks down all the different kinds of happy emotion words and stuff. And it's like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So, uh, so anyway, every um, group session our counselor would say, so how, how are you feeling? And of course all the dudes would be like, good. And she's like, no, no, no. French fries are good. That was her big joke. French fries are good. How are you feeling? And, uh, we'd be like, okay, okay. Fucking, you know, diet pops. Okay. What the fuck are you feeling? Like, who's old school man? This, this treatment center, old school, like counselors swear at you and stuff. Uh, so then, uh, you'd be like, oh, I feel, um, you know, uh, I feel. Kind of scared actually, cuz I have to share my work today. Okay. That's a feeling. You know? So like, and so then, you know, I started to get, it's like, oh, feel your feelings. Don't just be like, fucking people talk about putting labels on things and like, oh, you know, why do we have to put a label on everything? Because it fucking helps you identify what the fuck you're, what's happening. So right. Uh, so yeah, put a label on your emotion because then you know what the fuck you're feeling. Exactly. Don't just drink it away or, um, you know, work fucking 20 hours a day, seven days a week to avoid what you're feeling, cuz you don't understand it. Like, stop and, and, uh, Identify what the fuck you're feeling.

Jon: 30:13

Yeah. And if you can't identify it, then you get somebody to help you identify it like, shit. Like why are we so proud? It's unreal.

Todd: 30:23

God. Yeah. Uh, I wasn't, I dunno if I was proud. I think I was scared. Yeah. I was like, oh, someone's gonna, Figure me out and I don't want to know what it is. I think I know what it is and I don't want that someone else to tell me what it is. I don't want to

Jon: 30:38

hear it out loud. I just want to keep it in my head.

Todd: 30:42

Makes it real. Fuck. Oh man. But yeah, being in treatment like the, yeah, I was having like thoughts and like the counselors and like, Fuck they, they went through so many clients over the years. Cause the, the place had been open like 40 years or something. And like, I thought, I was like, oh, but I'm a special case cause I feel this way, this, and then like, they were just talk like, I wasn't a fucking special case. I was textbook man. It's like, I was like, oh shit. Oh. Which, which was like embarrassing at first was like, oh, here I thought I was special. But you know, they've been, Dealing with people just like me for 40 years. And then, but then it, you know, so I went from like feeling stupid to feeling, um, you know, not alone and, and like, okay, so maybe this program will work because all these other people felt the same way I did. And now, uh, you know, I'm here and. If I just, you know, uh, if I just surrender and work the program, like they say, maybe, maybe I can get through this. Yeah. And so far

Jon: 31:40

I have, yeah. I mean, six years in counting, that's like hell of an accomplishment. So I'm right behind you, man. I got four. I'm, I'm coming up on you. Don't

Todd: 31:50

get me wrong. I have thoughts all the time. Like, you know, I could probably smoke weed again. I'd be fine. I

Jon: 31:56

got, I got the same thing, man.

Todd: 31:59

Then, uh, you know, I play the tape all the way through and it's like, Hmm, but then I'll be high all the fucking time again. Right. And, uh, yeah.

Jon: 32:09

And, uh, I've, I've run that tape just, just as many times and I've actually, my therapist even. Uh, one of my therapists had talked to me about it. He goes, all right, let's, let's entertain this for a second. Let's, let's say you do it okay? And, and maybe you have it under control for the first like six months, maybe. It's like, you know, this is just a once a month thing or whatever, you know, and then something happens. Maybe you lose somebody. Well, now you throw the drinking into it, and then he goes, do you really want me to tell you how the next year after this is gonna go? And I'm like, no. Because I know it's told it's gonna be miserable. He goes, all right, so we don't need to have this conversation. Yeah. Um, I actually had, uh, the last guest I had on my podcast was a, uh, a rapper from Detroit. Uh, his name is Munk. Uh mm-hmm. He's also four years sober, and he works the program. He goes to meetings and stuff. Um, so we chat a lot about those thoughts that we have, like, oh, maybe I could do this or that. But then it's like, after all the. The good things that have happened in my life are changing, and then you weigh that against this short term pleasure. It's like, it's not even worth it anymore. I'm like, shit, my life is so much better now that I don't have all that crap, you

33:23

know?

Todd: 33:24

Mm-hmm. Yeah, man, I know how I am and yeah, when it, yeah, like I said, it would take six months and I'd be in my garage every night again, struggling my guitar feeling sorry for myself, right? Yeah. Yeah. But it's funny, when I was, I'd also romanticize it when I was in there doing that too. It was like, man, if I just died alone on the beach with Mcar, man, that's the way to go, man. That's a life man. And then, you know, you got sober and you're like, no, no, the fuck. Like, why was I thinking this is the life? Like, why would I romanticize it? You know, you're justifying it then, you know, uh, yeah. But yeah, but don't get me wrong, I would love to fucking smoke a big, fat fucking bowl of weed right now. Right?

Jon: 34:09

Yeah. I, I would, I wouldn't mind it as well. But at at the cost, it's not worth it. Not to mention, like, now I'm starting to think about like, you know, you said it too. You had a lot of people that helped you through everything, and it's like they, they believed in you to be who you are right now. They've always believed that, you know, and they, and I have the same thing in my life. And then I'm like thinking about like that bull of weed. And then I think about all the people who have stuck with me my whole life and who are behind me every step of the way. And I'm like, man, I ain't going, I ain't gonna fuck this up. You know, like, yeah. Like, everyone's like had such good intentions for me. Damn, I can get sentimental. Fuck em, fuck em. No,

Todd: 34:55

I'll kidding. Fuck them.

Jon: 34:56

Fuck em. Do it.

Todd: 34:59

They won't know the first few times I do it. Right.

Jon: 35:02

That and that, and then you start thinking that shit too. It's just, it's, it's, it's pointless.

Todd: 35:08

Yeah. Yeah, man. Oh, I know. I, I know. Yeah. I like, I'm very, very confident I won't Right. You know, do anything like that again. But, but then I do have like real serious thoughts, like, well if my wife dies early or something. Yeah. You

Jon: 35:23

could always have like those catastrophic things and it's like, but then you're like literally thinking, I'm like, man, this tangent is probably not gonna happen. And I'm just like, entertaining nothing right now.

Todd: 35:34

Who am I kidding? I'm gonna die first anyway. Fuck it.

Jon: 35:38

I mean, my, my old heart from. Oh, the speed is, uh, you know, it's probably a little shaky right now, I'll be honest.

Todd: 35:46

Yeah, that's right. Uh, oh man, I, I had a rough week actually. I was like, um, well, I kind of told you before we started recording that, you know, with my day job and stuff, I was like getting a little overwhelmed last couple weeks and, um, and then Friday I was actually. Thinking. So I went, so I went to a quick trip to Vegas with my wife and I don't smoke, but when I'm in the States, I'll buy, or even when I'm anywhere on holiday, I'll buy a pack of cigarettes and that's like my new, that's kind of like my thing. It's like I don't drink, I don't smoke pots, I'll, I'll have the occasional cigarette, I want'em on holiday, especially when I'm in the States. Cuz you can't get flavored cigarettes in Canada. So I got some. Camel crushes. Ooh, yeah. I was like, Hmm, menthol yu I'm smoking medicines. So anyway, I, I realized like, oh shit, I've been smoking these cigarettes for the last two weeks, so it was only one pack. So, but, and, and, uh, and I'm also on, I started Concerta for the adhd and it's like, I think part of my fucking delio, my mood was, my fucking blood pressure was up because I'm smoking cigarettes. There is a bit of stress from work. But I'm also all concerned, right? So it's like, fuck, you know, I think it was all my own doing. So yeah, I have to be, you know, I have to be aware of what I'm doing and what change. Uh, you know, what, what changed my daily program as to why I. Uh, you know, if my mood, what the fuck am I trying to say? But if I'm having an off week, it's like, okay, what's different in my life right now? It's like, oh yeah, I'm smoking cigarettes. Fucking

Jon: 37:18

idiot. Yeah, you have the ability to, to identify that too. And then I, I know you, you drink coffee though, right? Oh. Okay, so coffee. I have coffee, Concerta and cigarettes. Let's, let's, let's figure this out now,

Todd: 37:34

but the weed will counteract it, right? So that'll slow me down

Jon: 37:41

then I'll be okay. You actually got a couple months off of the, the old tobacco right now too, cuz that's, uh, you know, Uh, like you said, you don't drink your smoke anymore, but sometimes you'll have a cigarette. You know, I get in these habits where I smoke cigars, you know, but, mm. Uh, yeah. I love tobacco, so I'm trying to not love tobacco so much, you know, and we're working on it, but. Nice. I think I got like two months now without it, so trying to Nice. Yeah. Trying to get, uh, my lungs back up to par, uh, just for doing cardio and stuff like that. So, yeah. Boring

Todd: 38:15

ass stuff. Um, so right now we have a shit ton of, uh, uh, forest fires here in Canada, shit. And, uh, like the other day it was like, I, you couldn't even see down the block from, from all the fire, uh, or all the smoke coming in. And I remember thinking, oh God, that's terrible. That's not, that's not gonna be healthy as I'm smoking one of my cigarettes in my car with the windows up with the flashlight. But there was only one pack. I have two left. I buy about two packs a year, literally. So, uh, you know, but. That's desperate, but at the same time we, yeah, that's one thing I never got hooked on, but, but at the same time, you know, that's no wonder I was having an off week.

Jon: 38:58

Figured it out.

Todd: 38:58

Right. Yeah. I'm still gonna have those last two cigarettes though. Oh hell,

Jon: 39:04

hell yeah. Throw those out. What the hell? He paid for those?

Todd: 39:07

They're menthol for fuck's sakes. Yeah.

Jon: 39:11

I actually, I actually only, I smoked menthol until I was like, Uh, 19. Um, because they mixed very well with speed, so, um, oh yeah. Is what I thought, you know. Um, and then I moved to non-menthol for, uh, probably like nine years. Uh huh So

Todd: 39:31

what were menthol in weed? Menthol and weed, eh, like, you know it spliffs when

Jon: 39:36

you like Ah, you mean mix it up? Yeah.

Todd: 39:39

Uh, if you put it in a Camel crush thing,

Jon: 39:44

I don't know, man. It's terrible. No way. It's

Todd: 39:46

gross. Oh, speaking of, speaking of Vegas. Oh yeah. Because weed is legal everywhere. Oh yeah. Uh, I was getting fucking WAFs of weed in my face in Vegas and was like, oh yeah. To the point that I was like getting nauseous a couple times cuz I was, I was like, holy fuck, it's everywhere. Yeah. And then a couple other times it was also like my mouth watering and I'm like, oh honey, squeezing her hand a little long. You know? Oh. She's like, no, you're not doing anything. Like I know, I know, but let me just enjoy that person. Let me just smell it.

Jon: 40:19

Yeah, you can literally get it all over the place when you're in Vegas.

Todd: 40:23

Yeah, well Canada too. It's legal everywhere in Canada now, so. Oh shit. Yeah. But yeah, but you don't smell it in the street like you do Vegas cuz it's like a, you know. Crowded streets and stuff,

Jon: 40:32

but yeah, it's just a free for all in Vegas though. It's just wild. Yeah. Debauchery abound. It is Debauchery. Yeah. We, we were just there in August, so Yeah, it was, oh, yeah, yeah. Debauchery.

Todd: 40:43

Did, did that bother you, the smell of weed ever?

Jon: 40:46

Uh, I don't really have, I don't have a problem with weed, so, um, like. When I say I don't have a problem with it, like at the age of 18, I started smoking it every day, like as like a, a cherry on top to a cocktail of whatever I was doing. You know, it just perfect. It just went with everything perfectly, you know? Sure it does, buddy. Uh, all the different things. Yeah, it does. And uh, I didn't mind quitting that one and staying away from that one, cuz uh, I've said it a lot of times, but when I smoked weed, I didn't wanna work out. Mm-hmm. I. I didn't wanna work out. I wanted to play a lot of video games and I wanted to eat a lot of burritos. Right. And that's what happened when I would smoke weed. And the trifecta. The trifecta, I mean, you, you know, it was a good feeling when I was doing it, but when I quit it, I didn't have a problem like staying off of it. I'm like, Mm-hmm. I'm just gonna get, I'm, I feel so lazy when I do it. Like, I literally just like sit there and like listen to music and like I said, play video games all day, you know? Mm-hmm. I couldn't get shit done. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And when I'm around my friends, when they smoke it too, like it bothers me, you know, like if I'm in an enclosed space, you know, when people are like hot boxing. An apartment, I'm like, yeah, this is pretty fucking brutal, honestly. But no, I don't like smell it and think I gotta do it. It's the, uh, the drinking. The drinking irks me. That one I think about a little bit. I think about more than the weed for sure. So, Hmm. When I see people, oh, when I see people drinking, or I'm like out at a bar, or like, even at a wedding or like different occasions with a lot of booze and people getting drunk or concerts, then I'm like, I feel a little uneasy. You know? I'm like, ugh.

Todd: 42:23

It did at first for me, but honestly, I don't miss the drinking. It's, it's, it's the weed I missed. It's the weed. Yeah. Yeah, man. Just fucking get all goofy eyed and just zoned out. Yeah. Stare at something for like an hour and go Hoo. Wait, what? Where the fuck am I? Oh, yeah. Cool. Nice. The thing is like, I, I, I was doing it so often, so much. It's like, uh, you know, you're chasing that dragon again. It's like I could not get high, like I smoked all the fucking time and I could not. I couldn't get to where I wanted to get. No. For like the last year and a half of doing it. Um, just tall. It is too high. Yeah, man. It was fucking u unreal. And some, some old lady from town here like gave me a edible cookie once and she's like, they're so really get you going. Ha. So, so I ate it and like the next day she's like, how was it? I was like, fucking didn't, it tasted like a cookie. I was like, it didn't do a fucking thing. And she's like, you're unbelievable. It was like blue. Should I knock a horse out? I was like, fuck, I didn't feel a goddamn thing. Fuck. But anyway. Yeah. Not that I'm breaking how much I could handle. Yeah. It was annoying, to be honest with you.

Jon: 43:32

As expensive as more, more like

Todd: 43:34

it. Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Man. I was working, basically, all my money just went to Weedon booze. Oh, of course.

Jon: 43:41

Yeah. That, that's all that, that's all that mattered back then though, was. I gotta work this job so I can get those two things. That's it.

Todd: 43:48

You know? Yeah. And I was convinced that the weed was good for me, cuz you always hear like, oh it's, you know, it's, it's uh, it helps with anxiety and all this stuff. And it was like, yeah, maybe it helped in a panic attack attack or two. But, um, why am I getting anxiety every hour and a half while I'm hot, man? Yeah. It's like, oh right. It's causing the anxiety cuz I'm Jones in. You know? It's like, it's like, fuck. I'm such an idiot. Well, we learned from it though. You know? We did. Uh, well, yeah, I did. Uh, yeah, and, and getting sober, like, I mean, I was going through so much depression and shit. God, yeah. And I would lay in bed for like days and shit. Once I got sober, it was like, I never, I, I have yet to spend a day in bed. Um, I, I think the, I think the weed was causing a lot of anxiety and the booze was causing a lot of the depression, I think. Right. Um, but then, You know, I kept having anxiety. It started coming back, and then covid hit and like I was, I was fucking getting unbelievable anxiety again. And then that's kind of when I started looking into ADHD and stuff. And it's like, you know, I, I think I was prone, so on my dad's side is adhd and on my mom's side is just like chronic anxiety. So, um, so anyway, I, yeah. I don't know why I brought that up. Oh, no,

45:07

you,

Jon: 45:07

you're a good, you're, I mean, I thought you were still, I thought you were still going. Uh,

Todd: 45:11

I probably had a point and I just forgot it. It's all good.

Jon: 45:14

Um, yeah, I, uh, I had a point too, but I lost it. You know, I haven't gotten tested for adhd, but, um, my mind bounces around like a fucking pinball machine usually.

Todd: 45:27

Yeah. Especially when I get into a good conversation with somebody like this, it's like I get excited and I talk, and it's like, and then I never wanna say. Yeah. Yeah. It's just,

Jon: 45:35

it's fun. We're like, where did, where did we go again? I don't know. Sometimes the inner stoner in me comes out and I just go, what? And that's, that's the rest of it.

Todd: 45:46

Um, we would have so fun, so much fun together if we smoked pot, man. Let's do it. Oh, let's go my,

Jon: 45:52

let's go. You want me to fly?

Todd: 45:55

I'm kidding. No, just sit. We'll just sit here. We'll hang out. We'll just sit here on

Jon: 45:59

our podcast. Our, our mental health podcast. Do everything. We're telling people know what to do.

Todd: 46:07

People are gonna be mad at me just for saying, come on, let's get high right now. Right, right. Whatever. No, I'm kidding everyone. I'm not gonna get high. No, we're still

Jon: 46:15

sober and, and kicking ass, so, yeah.

Todd: 46:17

Um, I, I abused my Concerta, but that's it. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I don't, I don't, yeah,

Jon: 46:23

I, I took that once. Um, I st I stuck to Adderall, which is a different form of that. Uh, I didn't like the concert too much. Um, it wasn't, it wasn't, it's time released

Todd: 46:34

so you can't just pound

Jon: 46:35

it. Yeah. It wasn't, uh, speedy enough, which was the thing. Cause like the adderalls literally like, Like 10 cups of coffee at once, you know, like Adderalls got a really cracked out feeling to it, you know? Um, and the concerto was like, just like kind of mellow, you know? But, um, yeah, it just wasn't good enough for 19 year old John, apparently. So

Todd: 46:58

were, were you ever into psychedelics?

Jon: 47:00

Yes. Um, everything, I know what you told me, but Yeah. The, so the first time, so the, before, the first time I got sober, I had two stints in rehab. Uh, first was an outpatient program for two weeks, and then the second time was an inpatient program. The first time I was going through rehab, it was, Weed with a concoction of rave culture, drugs and and speed. So it was like, right, right. You know? And back in the day there was something called the Silk Road, which was. The dark web, right. Uh, the hidden internet. Mm-hmm. And you could order literally different tryptamines, different masculine derivatives off of this, you know, just all these different crazy number chemistry combinations of all this other crazy shit. And we were just getting a plethora of them. So I was a plethora. You say a plethora. It was, you know, It, it was a list probably over at least 10 different like chemicals and experiences and stuff. So I was really heavy into the psychedelics and while I was mixing it with, uh, ecstasy and Adderall. So that was like my baseline for an entire year and a half, which led to, uh, my psychosis and my first going through rehab, so. Right, right. Yeah. Hmm. The second time around dealing with my addiction was all alcohol and cocaine. And I had completely stopped the tryptamines at that point, cuz I was just like, I don't need to rattle my perception anymore like that, you know? Um mm-hmm.

Todd: 48:30

But So the psychosis scared you a bit?

Jon: 48:33

Yes. Uh, and I definitely had some PTs d from my own psychosis actually. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So, yeah, the psychedelics really got me for sure.

Todd: 48:45

Yeah. Hmm. So, yeah, I, I, I did shrooms occasionally, which were okay. You know, I'm not gonna lie a blast. Right. But, um, again, also, I, I was on SSRIs for a long time. Sheesh. And, uh, uh, I did Google it before I started doing'em again. But, um, the, the SSRIs, I'm, I'm on it actually kinda. You don't get quite the intense high, I guess, right when you're on it. And some are actually really dangerous to be on. And D Shrems. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um, so, uh, those are called

Jon: 49:18

seizures actually. Yeah. Yeah. The SSRIs because they were, uh, they're serotonin inhibitors or something. Um mm-hmm. Yeah. And there are some studies about shrooms mixing with that, but shrooms cause seizures all the time. So you, you just have to be really careful with that shit, you know? Um, mm-hmm. Yeah, I can

Todd: 49:36

imagine. Now there's, now I get ads all the time, but microdosing them and stuff, it's like, Oh, like, damn, what? Like why wasn't this shit all legal when I was fucking doing it? Right Now you can just order it. I can just walk down the street into a fucking a weed shop and Right, like, good lord, I was a criminal before. Now you're just a daily consumer. It's crazy

Jon: 50:00

too. I mean, they started actually doing a lot of studies, like for all the same drugs that I was doing. In controlled environments with professionals in microdosing. There's been actually a bunch of studies about, um, M D M A and psilocybin ketamine. Yeah. And ketamine too. And doing treatments like that for people who have P T S D, depression, anxiety, and stuff like that. Mm-hmm. Uh, so the studies are there if it's done correctly. You know, uh, I just didn't do it correctly and I got the opposite effect.

Todd: 50:29

So, you know, same with good Serta. I mean, when taken properly, it helps you. Absolutely. When, uh, well, yeah, when, when you're pounding a bottle of Adderall a day, it's not helping you. No, no. You gonna, you're gonna

Jon: 50:42

spazz out, you know?

Todd: 50:44

Yeah, yeah. Hmm. Yeah. There's no, there was no such thing as, uh, moderation. No,

Jon: 50:52

no. We, uh, it was funny on the last episode too, I said, somebody said moderation. I think it was mere Muncy and, uh, I was just like, I, I hate that word. Or I hate when, like, before I was getting sober, when I'm still like all Moy John. And people are just like, oh, you just gotta moderate it. And I'm like, I fucking hate that shit. You know? Like that's the, I I, it's not my vocabulary, you know? And no. And then Muncy says I do nothing in moderation. And it's true. Like even my, even our creativity, you know, it's like, It's all or nothing at that point, you

Todd: 51:28

know? Sounds like d h e to me, man. Yeah, I'm not, I'm not diagnosing you, but I, I'm just saying I, I've

Jon: 51:36

had, um, different therapists say I have, um, different symptoms of it. Traits? Yeah. Traits, let's say, uh, The medical industry over here is crazy, and getting tested for something like that with really bad insurance is gonna, is gonna burn a hole in my pocket for now, you know? So, yeah, man. Yeah. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna wait a little bit to do something like that, but, um mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It's definitely in the works. Um mm-hmm. So it is mental health awareness month. We have now given, uh, the listeners. Good backstory on everything you've been through, all the good things you're doing, and then we gave a lot of good perspectives on what we think of, you know, our story's addiction and all that stuff. Mm-hmm. Do you have any tips, tricks, or insights that you could possibly give to people who are listening that. Are just either struggling or going through something or need

Todd: 52:30

some help? Uh, I think so. I kind of forgot we were recording this on it. People might be listening. I kinda got into the, that was a

Jon: 52:37

conversation, right?

Todd: 52:39

Yeah. Um, yeah, I, I, once in a while on my, on my Instagram bunny hugs podcast, uh, I, I do kind of make memes and I mean, some of, you know, some of the memes I make when I say memes, I like, I mean like the words of wisdom kind of memes, right? Um, You know, most of'em are just reworded, other ones I think of'em. Really? They're clever. Yeah. Yeah. They're okay. But, uh, some of my favorite things or things I tell a lot of people are, uh, so I kind of touched on this earlier, that I wasn't doing the work. Like I, like if you, no one's nothing and no one is going to heal you or cure you. Uh, you can go on meds and you can have a therapist or a counselor, whatever. And they, that stuff will support you through your healing journey. But you gotta do the fucking work. And, and, and if you don't do the work, I mean, you're just going to k just do like I did and just keep spinning your wheels for a couple years until you know you, something tragic does happen. And it's scary. It's, it's scary to actually bite the bullet and do the work. Uh, it took me. It, it, it basically took me, my wife, threatening to kick me outta the house and my doctor saying, you know, you're gonna die probably if you keep doing this. So, I, I, what I'm trying to say is that it's easier said than done. So I mean, you, you gotta do the work. Um, What's another one I wrote the other day? Oh boy. My meds are wearing off now. Um, yeah, I, I think that's it. Uh, yeah. I'll just use that one. That, that, yeah, you gotta do the work, man. Um. And, and like I said, it is hard and it is scary. It's, it's easier said than done. I needed to go to treatment because it basically locked me in there for 30 days and was like, it was like bootcamp to do the work, right? Like right. I, I needed that. I, I going once a week to see a therapist wasn't good doing it. I had to sit eight hours a day, fucking seven days a week. And like otherwise, I, I was never gonna do the work, so. Right. Um, yeah. So I'm glad I, I

Jon: 54:46

did. There you go. I think, uh, I think that's, uh, something that everybody needs to hear. I mean, even people who, who aren't going through full-blown, you know, just addiction and stuff like that. Uh, like a lot of my listeners, you know, it's just maybe some people who have little spurts of feeling uneasy in this world. And when they listen to stories like yours or mine, I'd like to think that we give people a lot of hope that it is possible to change their life for the better, you know? Mm-hmm. And it all does start with, Doing the work, like you said, and you know, like he said, it's, it's gonna suck. You gotta be vulnerable though, and you gotta be ready. If you want to make your life better, you gotta fucking put in the work, you know?

Todd: 55:28

Yeah. And it is work. I mean, I fuck it. I mean, it was work, it was uncomfortable, but uncomfortable. It means you're, you know, if, if you're not uncomfortable, you're not growing. Right. Right. That old saying. So if you're just sitting there, Quite comfortable in your misery, then yeah, you're not, nothing's gonna happen. You're not gonna grow. So yeah, you have to really, really push yourself to, to get uncomfortable and work hard. And it sucks and it's so rewarding.

Jon: 55:57

It is rewarding. I think it's contagious too, cuz you know, then you start affecting other people in a positive way. So, beautiful thing. Um, yeah. Appreciate you coming by, uh, chatting with me, uh, on the field. I love you, John. I love you too, man. Hell yeah. Appreciate you coming on to the Feel Free podcast. Do my man a favor. Give him a like, Give him a share. Tell people about him. Listen to the Bunny Hugs and mental health podcast. You can find it on Apple Podcast. I'm pretty sure you can find it on all major platforms too. Whatever you fancy. But definitely get on that cuz it's a good ass podcast.

Todd: 56:34

Thanks man. Yay. I bought my fucking book.

Jon: 56:37

Yeah, buy his book too. Cause it's on Amazon. I'll be dropping links by fucking kids' book.

Todd: 56:43

Yay.

Jon: 56:45

I'm gonna hold it up one more time. Holler. Support my man though. I appreciate you coming out and oh, he's got one too, shit. But yeah, appreciate everything. You guys. Have a good start to your week or weekend or good night and we'll see you next time.

Todd: 57:02

Peace.