FEEL FREE
FEEL FREE is a general wellness podcast centered around health, habits, and hobbies. Jon Cerone, a recovering addict, and his guests use stories of adversity and comedy in order to inspire others to chase their dreams and live their best lives.
FEEL FREE
Joey Sauce: Insights on Big Life Transitions and Routines
Have you ever found yourself tripping over life's hurdles, losing sight of your wellness routine amidst the chaos? Returning guest Joey joins Jon Cerone as they bare their souls and share their personal battles with the stresses of new jobs and the challenge of overcoming unhealthy habits. They reflect on how these life transitions can derail us from our routines and reveal how they've struggled, stumbled, and eventually found their footing.
This candid conversation takes a deeper dive into their personal battles with nicotine addiction, highlighting the importance of self-awareness and mindfulness in overcoming these obstacles. As life isn't just about the battles we fight within, they also discuss the effects that their lifestyle choices, such as getting tattoos and owning pets, have on our overall wellbeing. For the anime fans amongst us, we explore our favorite pastimes, drawing parallels and lessons from the popular anime, Tokyo Ghoul and My Hero Academia.
The conversation concludes with them challenging the popular belief that happiness is a hefty bank balance. Instead, they underline the significance of relationships, purpose, and support systems, asserting their intrinsic value to genuine happiness. Join us as we journey through these shared struggles, victories, and lessons in pursuit of better health and wellness. Tune in, and let's navigate the unpredictable, winding roads of life's transitions together.
WARNING: The subject of suicide comes up briefly in this episode. If this is triggering and you no longer feel safe, please seek professional help and phone the suicide help hotline: 1-800-273-8255 and dial 1
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Welcome back to another episode of the Feel Free podcast, the only podcast that will tell you to chase your dreams and call you out on your fucking bullshit, Myself included. It's been a while since we posted an episode. I think it's been about two months. We'll be talking a little bit about that today. Not really any structure today, I'll be honest, I didn't like plan shit. I wasn't to be honest. Joey hit me up saying that he wanted to be on the podcast and I haven't felt too creative. Lately. I've been working a little bit on writing, playing video games, watching too much anime and other unhealthy habits, but you know so.
Speaker 2:You already know it's good yeah you already know it's good.
Speaker 1:So we're back here. We're going to be doing this again. Like I said, I don't really have much of a plan today. I didn't write shit down. I had a notepad with nothing written on it.
Speaker 2:But we're just going for it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're just going to shoot the shit pretty much.
Speaker 2:That was kind of the thought process behind doing this. Not much structure I just kind of wanted to talk about it.
Speaker 1:There were a couple things that I wanted to ask you specifically. I know you wanted to talk a little bit, maybe about the transition to a new job, maybe how that's stressful and stuff like that. You know other. I mean, that's pretty much the main one I kind of felt like you wanted to come and talk about, because that affects all the other aspects of life really, when you make a big change like that. Yeah, the other thing I wanted to ask about was how long you were off your prescription for Adderall, because you're not prescribed that and you stopped taking it for a couple of years, right, I think it was like six years, six years off of it right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, at least five, if not six, years. Yeah, it was a really long time Right, really really long time.
Speaker 1:Right. So I was wondering, like obviously, with the transition to the new job, and then you started taking it again. I don't want to talk a little bit about that Maybe kind of just give updates on our health and wellness stuff, like that. Specifically, like not working out, I'm not. You know, I wasn't doing shit.
Speaker 2:No, it's been a bad couple months for me on that.
Speaker 1:I'd say that too. Yeah for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think the last two months, just in that aspect of the working out and being active, these last two months have been my least active two months probably in the last three years.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was going to say I think like three years Ever since you started doing the keto and losing all the weight. So this is probably the least active you've been since changing your life a couple years ago, right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and it kind of happens just a couple of life changes Like it just started with. You know I took those vacations to the lake house and kind of gets you out of the routine of like. You know I had my routine down to like a science, like every minute of my day was planned and then you know going up to the? U for those three days, you know it kind of takes you out of it.
Speaker 1:Like for Labor Day Labor.
Speaker 2:Day and I took the solo trip I think like a week or two before that, and so it kind of started with my solo one. When I went for like three days and coming back, coming back, I just I lost the motivation to get up and go to the gym. It was just and it was very bizarre and the three years that I've been going I've never really I always looked forward to going to the gym in the morning. That was what got me through, you know, a good chunk of my day. That set up my day real well and like mentally it was. It was very, very, very, very like therapeutic for me and it was.
Speaker 1:it's just weird, it's weird being out of it. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And it just kind of happened. Yeah, it just happened out of nowhere, really Like I've gone on trips, you know, in these three years, but then when I came back it was just right back into it right back into it, and I don't know what was different about this time.
Speaker 1:It just burnout is one reason. I could say it's like you know, we know these things are good for us, like working out, and sometimes sitting on the couch is also very addictive.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Best thing. It's just sometimes, when you you know, like I've reached this too, starting last year, when I lost Bubba and I started smoking the cigars and playing more video games than I should have, I stopped working out and stuff. You know, up until that point, like my sobriety and my routine and stuff like that was like down pat and I was almost reaching a plateau of my productivity and creativity, and that you know, that's when life kind of makes you take a step back and be like, you know, do you have to change your methods or your perspective on things? Right, and it's a humbling experience, you know. And in the last year, after probably smoking cigars for six months and then not smoking cigars for six months, you know it's, it's like night and day, the six months that I'm not.
Speaker 1:You know there's better habits involved with that. When I'm smoking, I'm on the couch, I'm playing video games, I'm watching TV. I'm not caring too much about my diet, you know, it's just like a, it's a snowball effect. Yeah, you know, yeah, absolutely, and I had to get back in that routine, like you said, because normally, like you said, on vacations you're like I came back and I got right back to it. You know, and it's as you get older I've noticed it's it's tougher to do that you know. So, like I just turned 30 over the summer and I've had issues with quitting the cigars and getting back in the gym and stuff, because you know you already live a sedentary life, working, you know.
Speaker 2:And then you get home and you're like, well, I'm fucking tired you know, yeah, and it's kind of going back to like the stress of a new job, Like I it's just it was a very big transition from the very beginning. They kind of just threw you into the wolves with my job and right, and so just come home, come home, and when normally, normally I'd come home and you know, cooked in, like cook dinner, and you know like clean, like take care of the house, you know things like that, and I would probably kind of come home and knock all that stuff out, I'd come home and I'm just, I'm done, I'm dead. Like I just sit on the couch, just sit on the couch for three hours until I go to bed.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:It's just, it's just bad. Yeah, it's tough.
Speaker 1:It's tough. Yeah Well it's. You know it's, in a sense it's relaxing.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So I'm not going to look. You know, I've learned not to look back at the last year of like what I've done in completely negative manner, because I reached that point because of my burnout Right and I've enjoyed my time relaxing I'm not going to say I haven't enjoyed my time playing video games and smoking cigars because it's a good time yeah.
Speaker 1:It's just as I've gotten addicted to positive habits in my life to the point of burning out. You know, I get addicted to the the not so good habits, right, right, yeah, that's kind of why we're here with this episode. I mean, I know you've got some shit you're dealing with and I got some shit that I'm dealing with too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's just get it out there and get it out there, right, yeah.
Speaker 1:I was talking to people at Eric's birthday last night about it. Oh really, yeah, like, uh, like Reba and Tina and I was talking a little bit to Eric too, you know, um, taking a step back and like trying to reevaluate what I got to do. You know, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So for you now everything changed. You said after these trips for Labor Day, right? So that's kind of like five, six weeks ago, right, yeah, yeah, right. When did you start the new job?
Speaker 2:I started the new job, coming up on three months, I think it's been like two and a half months, two and a half months.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you started in August.
Speaker 2:Um, I think it was actually. It might have been like middle of July, I think.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was sooner than that. Yeah, for sure, so I think it's been three.
Speaker 2:I think it has been three months, Three or four, honestly.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I think, well, because that, yeah, I was doing, I had a month of licensing, so yeah, so I think, including licensing, it's been four months, but it's been three months since I. It's been three months I've been like on the job, like actually like doing, doing the role.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, so for for contacts for people that don't know. You used to work at the same job as as me doing the bookkeeping.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Um, but you threw. Throughout the years, you've worked your way up to get a full time position at JP Morgan Chase. That's correct. Yeah, so up until this point you've mostly worked at small time family businesses, right, including myself. I mean, I've worked at a couple places that aren't family businesses, you know, um, but this is the first time that you're working a corporate job. I should say like the definition of corporate Right, right. No this is about as corporate as corporate gets.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so how's that transition?
Speaker 2:been. It was definitely been a definitely been an adjustment because, yeah, like working for you know the family jobs of you, know with you with, uh, bookkeeping, and then you know working for, working for out of tuxedo, it's just, yeah, it's it's night and day, that atmosphere and expectations and like how you have to carry yourself, and it's just they're not even comparable.
Speaker 1:No, they're not, no, it's, it's way more relaxed at the uh family business. Oh, that is for sure yeah.
Speaker 2:That was the beauty of it. Yeah, you get to kind of say, act how you want to act and yeah, and obviously you go into a, you go into a corporate setting and that's, that's out of the window. No, you have to be no, you have to, you have to put on the facade. So everybody, so everybody. Yeah, you can't say what you want to say.
Speaker 1:No, you got to be a little strict with yourself. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And it's, and I've kind of I've kind of started loosening up a little bit, I think, as I'm kind of getting used to um, my coworker a little bit more, I know, I kind of know where I can kind of ease up a little bit and things like that. So it's, it's in that, in that respect, it's getting, it's getting easier but, yeah.
Speaker 2:So it's yeah, it's getting, yeah, it's getting better, but it's yeah. It was just those first first couple of months was we were very short staffed and there wasn't much like training time there, just like, oh, you're ready, okay, go do it Right, and you're just like, okay, great, awesome. Like yeah, no, it's not like I need not like I needed some time to like get up to speed or anything.
Speaker 1:I need that.
Speaker 2:No, they just threw you in it.
Speaker 2:Um yeah, but, but it's uh, but it was, you know, in a way. In a way it was very um, in a way that's it's like in the long run it's going to be a good thing because, like the, what I learned, what I learned in that short amount of time, is like it would have taken me. It would have taken me like at least twice as long if they had like kind of held my hand and, you know, said like kind of treated me with kid gloves, like it's just, in a way, it is better that they just kind of just said go do it and figure it out.
Speaker 2:Like you're going to, you're going to mess up, and that's fine, you just learn from it, right, I mean by throwing you into it too.
Speaker 1:They're almost like, yeah, if he hates it, he's out. And you're almost telling yourself like yeah, if I hate it so fucking much like I'm out. You know, but that wasn't the case.
Speaker 2:No, no, I'm starting, as I'm starting to kind of get get used to it more. Uh, it's getting, yeah, it's, I'm starting to get more comfortable. There's the expectation. The expectations are pretty high, but that's also kind of comes with with a corporate setting job where they, yeah, they hold you to like a really high standard right, which which is good, because you want to, you know, know what you're capable of and you know you should have the high goals for yourself and what you want to accomplish.
Speaker 2:So like you set the goals too low and what do you really accomplish? Right, yeah, that's true.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so with the change into the corporate setting, obviously you said there was a big transition into how you carry yourself, obviously the the less relaxed environment from a family business. Now there's like also the change in schedule too. So as you're working this corporate setting. You're up earlier. I mean, you might have been up at the same time when you were working for AYS, but it was a little more relaxed. You're like, oh, I can go hit the gym, you know kind of derp around a little bit.
Speaker 1:And then come into work. You know it's mostly as long as the work gets done. You know there wasn't like a set timeframe for that, you know. So how has moving to the new job. What changes have you had to make to your wellness routines in order to keep those going strong?
Speaker 2:That's accountability, is really a big one. Yeah, cause, cause, like you said, the like working for working for AYS, like I was always like waking up early I still wake up, at the same time it's always like around six in the morning, but when I was working AYS, yeah I'd, I'd get up, I'd make coffee, I'd kind of sit on my phone for a while and, yeah, I probably wouldn't leave until like eight, eight, 30. So if you know, like you said it, just for those first two hours in the morning, you kind of just derp, derp around yeah, yeah, but, yeah, but. But now, being over there, like, yeah, you have to be there, you have to be there, sometimes eight or eight, 30 in the morning. So you get up at six.
Speaker 2:If you do have to hit the gym, you're, you're out the door by quarter seven. So there you have like, yeah, there's only. You get like 30, 45 minutes to kind of get yourself, get yourself ready and get yourself going. So, yeah, it's definitely there's more. Uh, they had to just be more strict with my regiment, right, not like, yeah, there's just, there's really, there's no derping around in the morning anymore.
Speaker 2:So, that was, that was also. That was also a transition, and I love, I loved derping around for that hour or two Like it was just. It was just very uh, cause I knew like once I left, of course it was just now. It's like, now you got to get your stuff done, like you're just go go go. So yeah, so that was, that was a transition, too Right.
Speaker 1:But what do you do? What do you do after work? That's any different. Probably just the same shit. You know that you were doing when you were here, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, pretty much the same stuff, like come home, come home, make dinner, do what I need to around the house. Yeah, it's just very like like adulting Right. Very basic stuff, for sure.
Speaker 1:Now you said you kind of reached a little bit of a a snag in the last couple months of, you know, not being too active ever since the vacation and stuff. I guess I should also kind of segue into why did you start taking your prescription again?
Speaker 2:That's a good question. That's a good question I've asked myself.
Speaker 1:I've asked myself that do you think it's impeding your want to work out? Does it have anything to do with the working out thing?
Speaker 2:It's. It's hard to say. I think in a way, yes, okay, like I think it does, and I think it does impede it a little bit. Yeah, but I think the whole reason I started taking it again was, honestly, inadequacy, because I'm just like I kind of told myself like if you, I don't have it, I'm not going to be able to to get up to speed and it's just corporate setting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it's like I needed that extra focus and like boost to. You know, get what I need to get what I need to get done right, because I thought without it I I wouldn't have, I wouldn't be able to do it, which is obviously. It's just. Yeah, you just it's amazing what you'll tell yourself, right? So, in order to get yourself back to doing like taking what you used to take, right, you just lie to yourself but it has helped you though.
Speaker 1:Right, it has helped yeah it definitely.
Speaker 2:It definitely does help and but, knowing you know my history with it as something I have to monitor very, very closely, right? So because I like just the thought of when I started like my licensing with it and said like, oh yeah, I need this because it'll help, and I need like I was just it, just a lot of it was just stress, I kind of convinced myself that I wasn't going to pass my exams without it, right and and so it definitely, it definitely helped. And then I told myself, okay, once I, once I pass my licenses, I'm done, I'm not taking it anymore, I passed my licenses. Then you start telling yourself, oh well, you know it's gonna be, it's gonna be a hard six months. You gotta see, you need it for the first six months to get yourself up and running and it's just, it's always, it's always something right.
Speaker 1:It's always something you tell yourself to keep, keep taking it now, do you see yourself weaning off of it or not taking it once you feel comfortable and up to speed?
Speaker 2:I want to tell like in my head, yes, okay, I want to, but also, that being said, I know, I know how, I know how I am and like I could tell myself. I can tell myself I'll wean myself off. I can tell myself anything but it's all the doing it. Yeah, yeah, talk is talk is cheap, talk is cheap. And.
Speaker 1:I'd say, even like internal talk to yourself is is pretty cheap, sometimes 100%, 100% no, it's the it's and that's that's.
Speaker 2:The internal voice is the one that is the one that gets me in trouble. It's always the voices from from around me, the people in my life are the ones that that I need, that I need the most, because the voice because like what I tell myself is not always, is not always very helpful right.
Speaker 1:I think we put too much weight on the words that we tell ourselves, but also we put too much weight on the words that other people tell us to. That's true, you know. So it's being able to like control that conversation that you have with yourself and the ones with other people, and not taking it too personally.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's the greenest. The whole grain of salt thing. Right, take it and take everything with a grain of salt. Yeah, from the.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the way you tell yourself and what other people tell you right and I mean I'm, you know, I've reasoned with myself the last 12 months with the smoking thing and the. They're not staying consistent with the, the writing in the podcasting, because it's like I'm having that internal conversation with myself. I'm like I'm gonna wean off the cigars, only have like one or two today and I end up having four or five anyway.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, because it's, it's weird, because I'll almost like go on autopilot to like fill those impulses, you know, and that's just the mind of an addict, though, oh for sure I'll already be sitting in my car driving to the gas station to get something, and in my head I'm already like convincing myself like I'll get around to quitting.
Speaker 2:Yeah you know, and I'm like I've been here a million fucking times, dude, honestly, and it's amazing though you can go like like five, six years without something, and that voice, that voice is there. Oh, it's there for sure. It doesn't go away.
Speaker 1:It does not go away, yeah you you just kind of learn when you're not doing it. You learn how to and I wouldn't even say drown it out, yeah, but you learn how to maneuver it for sure, just kind of like go about your life without it, right, like I could honestly keep telling myself to go buy the fucking cigars. I haven't smoked them in 13, 14 days, yeah, you know, and like that shit will like come into my head and sometimes I'll feel like caving, but then it's like I have other things to do now.
Speaker 2:Right, you know yeah, no, and that was, and I know it's kind of the one thing we kind of both had in common was the cigar.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I also started picking up cigars right and yeah, and I would, I'd kind of catch myself on the same thing. So, like my new schedule, like I have Wednesdays off and so like Wednesdays, you know, I still still help out and things like that, but I kind of catch myself being like you know oh, I got the day off. You know I can go to Benny's and get a cigar you know, it's like I've earned it, it's my day off.
Speaker 2:You know I'm working hard this and that, and then you know you get to Sunday. Then you get to Sundays and you tell yourself the same thing and before you and before you know it, it's, it's just every every day off you have your every little instance.
Speaker 1:You're like I could totally enjoy that right now for sure, like that sounds good right now.
Speaker 2:You convince yourself you deserve it and that you've earned it. And and it's just yeah, anything, any little thing you can tell yourself to get yourself to cave, and that's just like you said, not like maneuver, maneuvering that thought process and channeling it differently, right, yeah?
Speaker 1:um, um. For those that don't know out here the context, joey and I have made a bet, uh, that we can't go six months without nicotine or cigars. Um, so we bet each other 50 bucks.
Speaker 2:I actually know 100.
Speaker 1:No, we actually upped it to 100 dollars last night, yeah, so we have six months, so around the first first week of April we'll see who's still standing um, and if we both make it, then you know we don't owe each other money obviously so nobody wins.
Speaker 2:We just win by, you know, taking care of ourselves no, then we both, then we both win by saying we went, we went the six months right good, we get a good, uh, a good handshake out of it, or sure, yeah, yeah. Well, the other thing is I have the second bet.
Speaker 1:I got the second bet going on uh with Lisa right now. So the joke is um, you got to make a bet with alumniki to make it important you know, so like uh, the joe philosophy the joe philosophy. Like everyone knows, like I've had my brother on the podcast a few times and like his whole running thing all started with a really simple bet. Or like him getting sober and totally changing his life happened with like a $50 bet that he couldn't run a five minute mile during covid and totally changed his whole fucking life.
Speaker 1:And then I bet him that he couldn't move out of the house by his birthday the following year. I bet him $50 of steak or some shit and then he literally to like spite me or whatever moves out, like six days before his birthday he goes, you got that money.
Speaker 2:I'm like this fucking guy, dude. You know, only joe would go to those lengths for a $50 bet.
Speaker 1:That's hilarious so I actually uh, so I actually have a pretty big bet with uh Lisa. Lisa bet me that I can't go. I asked her to make this bet though that's the thing. I asked her to make the bet with me that I can't go a year without nicotine, but I bet her $500 that's a big one.
Speaker 1:That's a big one, you know because I, honestly, I made like a smaller bet with her for like $50 or $100 and then I think, like something happened. I was having a bad week or it was like the camping incident with the uh, the bed bugs and like the cat passing away and like I was just like I just couldn't handle it.
Speaker 1:I told her to in a text like, yeah, I'm gonna have some nicotine pouches or whatever. And she knew I was like down in the dumps about it. And she goes oh, you don't have to pay me. And I'm like that's not how this works like I'm gonna pay you.
Speaker 1:It's like the integrity of it, you know right but after smoking the cigars again for a couple weeks and getting sick of myself, I'm like all right, like I gotta up this to 500, because there's no fucking way I'm paying $500 to her you know, yeah, yeah, you do what you do, what you gotta do, any any external motivation you gotta give yourself.
Speaker 1:You gotta like take it right and then after like, of course, the first couple days sucks, it's like god, I don't even want to do this. I want to just like keep smoking and and being a fucking bump on the log, you know, and then like, after a week or two of getting back to like myself, I'm like all right, this is, this is good, we're, we're, we're chilling a little bit yeah, you know like internally, like my.
Speaker 1:My well-being and my wellness is coming back to me yeah, you know yeah so, yeah, we got the six month bet with you, I got the one-year bet with her, um, and in that time Do you have any plans, of these six months, to get active and do the wellness thing and shit like that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, definitely the other. The other thing that's kind of affected me with getting back on that or all is my Am I eating? Like, of course, my eating has been really, really messed up, so like Like normally I don't, normally, even when I wasn't taking it like I didn't eat, I didn't eat very much. Like during the, during the day, like when I'd work, I just kind of eat something real light. But like ever since I started kind of getting back on Adrog and like I don't eat anything until like Like till I get after, till I get home from work like six, seven o'clock at night and that's just.
Speaker 2:It's just bad dude. That's just like. That's just so unhealthy.
Speaker 1:I know it's fucked up.
Speaker 2:It is, man it is, and so I got a like and no, and I know, and so that's definitely something that I got a. That's a big reason why I want it. I got to get eventually wean myself off of it, because long term that's just, you can't go until seven o'clock every day without eating.
Speaker 1:Without eating, I mean, there's like certain Times that you can do fasting, yeah, stuff like that. Like I fast and shit, but To always be fasting like that all the time, it's like, yeah, I don't know about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah especially when you're like I feel like, if you're kind of doing like, like a like if you're pretty much through sheer willpower like doing fasting, like you're not relying on a substance To do the fasting, and I think like in short, like in short term, that's fine. But because I because, obviously, through my keto, like I, I was fasting on Like every single day, like a pretty much every single day. It was like 18 hours but yeah, but I wasn't relying on a substance to do it right, and so you're doing it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm just doing it and so, yeah, I don't like the fact that I I need that. I'm like I tell myself like, oh, and then also, you know, it's like it also was hoping me lose weight and it's like that's not the correct way to do it to do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it's just another. Yeah, I could have said the same thing when I started doing Adderall, when I lost 50 pounds. Oh wait, look at these washboard ads, Bro. You look like a fucking skeleton looking ass.
Speaker 2:Oh my god, I know, it's amazing what you tell. It's amazing what you tell yourself.
Speaker 1:Oh, my god yeah.
Speaker 2:I know that's, that's not, yeah, so that's, that's another. That's another big part of it too that I don't like About it the eating. Yeah, yeah, it really messes up the really messes up the eating. I.
Speaker 1:Can see it messing up, just like your overall energy outside of the times like that. You need it. So like work, it's great. Like you said, your focus crap like that. It's just like all the other things outside of work. Now it's like okay, I don't feel too driven To get back in my working out. My eating is all fucked up. Maybe I'm exhausted from taking it now. At the end of the day, yeah there's just a whole bunch of things that can go wrong with it, right?
Speaker 2:right. Yeah, no, it's true, that's the you. You feel pretty steady like throughout the day, but then, yeah, by the time you get home, starts to wear off and yeah, you just, you just crash really, really bad. And then when I do start eating, then then I just don't like, even when I do start eating, like that's, you've gone so long, I like I get kind of. I get like a little sick when I start eating, like again, right, yeah, so it's just. It's just not good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's just not good like in that part of it, it's just not good. Yeah, I feel that it's just yeah it's. It's helped, it's very helpful for work, but yeah, and like almost all other areas of my life, it's Kind of had a negative effect, negative effect.
Speaker 1:Yeah right, I mean, at least you see that yourself aware of it. Yeah, you know yeah.
Speaker 2:So I gotta, yeah, I gotta just get to the Get to where I'm just like I'm like I'm comfortable enough in my job, to where I don't need it right.
Speaker 1:But yeah, so well, that's good, yeah, yeah so yeah, nicotine.
Speaker 2:Then the nicotine aspect of it, yeah cuz, yeah, I had a roll of nicotine is just Even get me started on the end. Fuck, yeah, it is.
Speaker 1:It's like how can I go faster and then I throw like some coffee in there.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's the it was.
Speaker 1:It was energy drinks for me back then. Yeah, it was like energy drinks at all and nicotine. I'm just like fucking Bump, bopping around, jazzed out for no fucking reason In my free time. It's like John, what are you doing?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it's like you're not even like in college anymore.
Speaker 1:I'm not even a work, and then either it's like after work, I'm just fucking jacked for no fucking reason Good trying to try to sleep, good fucking. Yeah, no, I wasn't. Yeah, I was too busy staying up chain smoking cigarettes.
Speaker 2:Or a clogging. The four clog in the morning chain smoking cigarettes? Yeah None. When you do fall asleep, you wake up every couple hours, tossing and turning that show terrible dude.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've actually been tossing and turning in the last couple nights because of this tattoo. Oh, that's fucking brutal man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, trying to yeah, I remember, I remember doing my chest and every time I would like, I'd like wake up, I'd wake up and I'd be like on my side and my chest was, like you know, kind of compressed because I'm on my side.
Speaker 1:Yeah, go, oh, yeah, like, and then like turn.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'd have to turn back over.
Speaker 1:And yeah, I just remember waking up several times and I turned over in my sleep and yeah, I'm just like rolling around trying to get comfortable and I sleep on my stomach, so I normally have, like my arms under my pillow. Yeah, you know, but like every time, I put my arm under my pillow and like, oh fuck. And then I'm like trying to hold it on the side like this and like, oh fuck, you know, and I'm just like rolling around like a fucking burrito, you know.
Speaker 2:I just can't get, can't get a good solid couple hours you know, now you're done.
Speaker 1:Now you're done. Yeah, it's the first week or it's usually the first week after getting a tattoo like that, where it's like it's brutal. Yeah, after that I'll probably be good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, is it peeling, yet? No, it's probably a few days away from peeling.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's, no, it's not peeling yet. Yeah it's, it's tight.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's like just stiff. Yeah, you know yeah, there's no movement in the skin. Yeah, it's just, and I don't and I don't use Lotion.
Speaker 1:Or you go dry, you go dry heal, I dry, heal it until I can't Take it anymore, until like it just isn't shit like that. But I don't just like start fucking slap and lotion on it for two weeks straight.
Speaker 2:You know I used to do that for the first couple ones. Yeah, and it, it doesn't breathe like it just doesn't let it breathe.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it doesn't like a heel.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the thing you know um yeah, it kind of did, started doing the same thing. I waited until yeah, I think I waited until it started peeling and then it got like super itchy and I'm like yeah, I can't do it anymore.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm not gonna sit here slapping my arm making the itches go away.
Speaker 2:Oh my god, I remember what I used to do is I used to like, I used to like tap it With my fingers and it was like just enough sensation for it to go away. But, then it would like come back 30 seconds later and I just sit there like a maniac, just tap in my.
Speaker 1:Please go away, please go see the look on our parents faces when they saw my arm. You know why. Why do you?
Speaker 2:Remember my mom. What, what's the motivation?
Speaker 1:behind it. What's the meaning?
Speaker 2:He's fucking sick.
Speaker 1:Awesome, it's awesome, yeah, I stopped going into like details like I used to. People used to ask me like the meanings and shit behind my tattoos and Sometimes I give watered down meanings to people that it's just like I know you don't like totally care.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know, you're just like asking. You know, like, when, like close friends ask me about it, I'll go into detail about it, right, you know? Or someone who's gen genuinely like interested, and you can tell, then it's like okay, you know, I'll tell you, but I get the tattoos for me. Yeah, you know, yeah, so that's, that's it, right? Yeah?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's yeah, I used to yeah, I kind of I think I used to kind of try to justify it like with the meaning yeah, it's okay because it's got meeting yeah cuz it's got this significant meaning to me and it was like. It was like a special. It was a special period of my life. And it's like, yeah, triggered this, triggered this like Paradigm shift or whatever right.
Speaker 2:Yeah and so. But now it's like you said, it's just to the point, right, I don't care anymore. Like I get something and they go, what's the meaning? I'm like I liked it, like I just leave it.
Speaker 1:I'm just like I don't not, I'm notifying it like I used to think growing up too, and I'm like all I'm not just gonna get a Tattoo because it looks good you know, cuz some people get like tribal tattoos and shit. And, like you know, it was just like super judgmental on me, like I don't care right. You know, like if you think it's cool and you like it that's one thing you know, yeah. I'm not gonna sit over here and get like a banana on a surfboard smoking a joint, though.
Speaker 1:You know, I'm not just gonna get something ridiculous like that you know some people do right and that's their shit, Right you know, you do it up.
Speaker 2:You do. You do what you got it right, exactly, yeah if you enjoy it, then that's all that matters, cuz yeah, you shouldn't you get them for yourself? What other people think?
Speaker 1:doesn't matter, doesn't fucking matter, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's Like it, don't like it, fuck it, fuck it, yeah, right. So yeah, that was kind of yeah, that was yeah, so I've kind of gotten to that point, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I got the next one in March, so I'm looking forward to it. That's like a nice. It's a nice like reset for me too, because it's I'm trying to like find more things to like, look forward to like excitement, you know, cuz life gets a little mundane.
Speaker 1:Oh sure, and I think with how mundane life can get when you're You're working a job to pay the bills and stuff like that, it gets really easy To get down on yourself and be like, well, I'm already exhausted from these mundane things, so I'm gonna go home and do more Mundane things and I'm gonna live this mundane life, you know cuz. And then here's a vacation here, there, here's an event I'm going to blah, blah, blah. You know. Yeah, that's not how I should like go around, that's not how I should go around, live in, right, you know. So you got to find the things that you know you're excited about. It's like the tattoo I'm excited about. I'm excited to get back into hooping again.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Now that I'm like taking my knee health Seriously again, like when I was doing it in March and April, like when I was dunking consistently, you know, and I got hurt over the summer a couple times and I'm like it's all cuz I stopped doing my, my regiments for my knees and stuff, right. So it's, you know, trying to find the things to look forward to, like there's a new video game that came out and I played the fuck out of it for two weeks you know, yeah, yeah, you gotta find, you gotta find something to break up your day, right?
Speaker 2:You know, we got the new cat now too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I still gotta come by and I. Was gonna talk about that in another episode, about everything that happened with Lou, but I'm probably just gonna do a solo podcast for that. You know For I mean everyone that follows me on social media and people in my life know that we lost Lou, you know. So a week ago, oh, a little over a week ago, last Wednesday, we went to the humane society and we got a new cat. Her name is Moya. She's the Japanese name for mist Cuz.
Speaker 1:I don't know, she kind of looks smoky like she's like white and gray With a little like tint of blue in it. You know it's cool.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she's good cat. She's two years old. Oh, she's too. Okay, she's two, so that's cool. It's nice, looking forward to that and come home too.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I need an animal in my life.
Speaker 2:I was gonna say I also would like an animal, but being gonna being in a condo is tough. Yeah, it is tough, it's tough, yeah, that's why we wouldn't.
Speaker 1:We wouldn't get a dog until we got a house.
Speaker 2:That's kind of where I'm at too. Yeah and yeah, and I've thought about, I've thought about getting a cat because, like you said, it is nice to, it is nice to have an animal in the house. Like, even though I am, I am more of a dog person like I, I Do, I, I do like cats. So, like cats are funny.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they are there. Yeah, they're pretty funny Trolley they are.
Speaker 2:they really are, though they really are fucking yeah, oh, my god. They're their own.
Speaker 1:They're their own creatures right, yeah nothing like, nothing else, like them, I know yeah the energy that dogs have is awesome, like I'm not saying I'm not a dog person. Yeah, all the dogs I've had in my life too. I'm definitely more of a cat person. Yeah, because it's, it's comical to me, you know, like this fucking little bastard sometimes I respect them for the fact that they're little bastards. You know, I'm like you I enjoy your existence yeah.
Speaker 2:I like, I like, I do like the. I've. As I've gotten older, the the less maintenance of like a cat is also nice, because yeah, I can. Dogs can. Dogs are, just do require a lot of attention and a lot of yeah.
Speaker 2:And so there's just in that part of it is it's, it's good because I got like I pardon me likes it because you feel closer. You feel closer to the animal that you kind of have to devote more time to. But but also, yeah, like buddy, like buddy, my dog, so he, so he's a border collie in a black lab for anybody doesn't know. So, those dogs, anyway, if you know collies, they will run forever, forever. They will run for two hours a day if you give them the opportunity and he's now in dogs right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah so they, yeah, so that's like in there, that's in their genes, like so he's nine now and Nine years old and he will still run for an hour a day. And he's nine years old. Yeah, it's fuck, it's, it's crazy, it's a lot, it is. Oh, yeah, it's a lot. He's finally slowing down. But yeah, for the from from puppy till seven, he needed like two walks a day and Still and still was like crazy at night.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's a lot of energy. Yeah you said, a lot of energy. He's very high anxiety, so you had to. You'd like separation it has separation anxiety, so you'd like leave him and he'd start like crying and you're just like dude, you are so much to handle, right? Oh my god, like I I have, I have things to do and I cannot Sit here with you all day like I love you. But, oh my god, so yeah, it's a.
Speaker 1:It's a different type of a Relationship you have with a cat and a dog. For sure, yeah for sure.
Speaker 1:We've already talked about when we have a little more time on our hands. I told her because we were at the Humane Society and I'm like we were deciding between a kitten or a cat. Yeah, I thought you were gonna get a kitten. So we were there. Flora was her name Moya. So we were walking at the Hensdale Humane Society and they got a lot of cats like In their cages and that the other side of it's like glass, right. So you can walk down the hall and like see the cats and like the different cages, right.
Speaker 1:Yeah and she was very Tocative and in our face ever since we started walking past, like some of them were like sleeping and others would like look at us. Some of them would also be like pretty energetic, but she was like the most Energetic out of all of them and she was like two, you know. And there was Another kitten it was a black kitten like this big, and their name was dot-com I don't know the fuck, dot-com and so she was the first one that we met, you know. They put us in a room and she warmed up to us pretty quick, apparently from what the the workers said there, and then we went in to another room and we hung out with the kitten who, very playful, you know, was not like Lou at all, you know, or like most kittens are actually like the one we were, with very high energy. Don't pet me, you know, I'm just gonna run around. I don't trust you yet.
Speaker 1:That's like what a kitten is? You know, it's very Primal right but, they're fun, you know, and I was telling we were trying to decide between the two and I was telling Lisa and I'm like, hi, I just don't have it in me right now, I don't have it in me.
Speaker 1:I'm telling you because she started her master's program and and when we got Lou, like I work down the street and so I can co-visit him on lunch, I can bring him to the office, like when I get home, like playing with them. You know it's, it's a lot. It's like cats and dogs are still different with the type of maintenance and because, like, dogs still require more, that like maintenance later on you got to take them out.
Speaker 1:I got to take them on walks sometime, you know, and like they're in your face most of the time and and as cats get a little older, they get more independent, right, but for the initial first year of having a kitten, like it's a lot of fucking work. Yeah, you know, and I I told her I'm like it's, it's gonna fall on me. You know you work in the city and you're doing your master's program. Like it's not fair to the kitten for us to come home and be too exhausted to play with you right now right, you know that's true.
Speaker 1:So we wanted a cat that just wanted to chill and she's too, and she had just had kittens so she was kind of low energy. So Now she's she's got zoomies now. So after like a week and a half of having her and warming up to us like she likes to play, but she also likes to just fucking chill on the couch with us. That's just cool.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just great.
Speaker 1:So and that was a very it was tough cuz I wanted the kitten you know for sure?
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure. I think everybody like you. See the kid, you go oh my god.
Speaker 1:They're just fun, you know I fuck around with them, you know, you know they're funny. I love them.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Um, but we already talked about it and we're like, yeah, when we have more time on our hands, like I'm gonna get a kitten. Oh, yeah, yeah, you know just for also, so she has someone to play with too. You know, the cats will keep each other company and occupied right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've kind of thought that about when I get a house like Like I might like getting like two dogs so they can like entertain each other, right, a lot more work, a lot more maintenance, I get it, but yeah, but it's, it's not fair. And then I didn't really think about this when I got buddy, like cuz I I really know much about, you know dog breeds, and then things like that, like I knew I just I really just picked him because he was a puppy. We got him.
Speaker 2:He was two months old, so he was, he was, he's just a little baby and right but I didn't know, I didn't stop and think like, oh, this type of dog Requires a lot of energy. And I was, you know, I was going to school and then I was working after school and Then, and then I was like hanging out with friends after that. So I was, I was really never home, right. So I do feel bad because, like he, it really kind of fell on my parents to take care of them yeah, yeah and I didn't really think about it. I'm like I want a dog.
Speaker 1:I want a dog, but that's like I don't realize how much work goes.
Speaker 2:No, it's like any kid who says that they want a dog and the parents are like apprehensive about getting the dog.
Speaker 1:It's because they know it's gonna fall on them for sure. Yeah, absolutely I'll do it. Yeah, I'll do it. It's like I'll take care of my promise, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, no, no, you don't do. Yeah, and I'm like I like Taking for a walk, you know like here and there, but yeah, but between Between school and working at GQ and hanging out with friends, yeah, no, I was actually take care of the dogs.
Speaker 1:Why so attached?
Speaker 2:your mom. Oh, yeah, that's yeah. He does not leave my mom's side right, yeah, follows her around the house everywhere, yeah, and so yeah, but it's uh, it's nice having the the animal with us again.
Speaker 1:It's nice coming home to that being excited about it. You know it's the, the relationship, the bond, yeah, yeah, the two months without an animal and after all that it was pretty brutal for me, which kind of led to the Smoking in the playing video games, which is exactly what happened last year when I lost Bubba and people were like damn, you're gonna lose two cats in a year apart and I'm like you know, I'm fucked up right now.
Speaker 1:I'll be honest, sure, and I get like super attached, like I'm a very emotional person, as you know, and I know you are as well yeah, more so than most Men in this society actually to the point where people like made fun of me for it growing up for sure. I'm like too sensitive. Yes, I am, you know, and, like, I used to think it was Like a curse or whatever.
Speaker 1:I used to think I used to think it was a negative thing. But that's just like how, manor, you know we can go into an entire conversation about how men are raised in this country and how, how bad it is for our emotional health and shit like that. We can do a whole podcast about that. But oh, hundred percent, we don't have to at this point.
Speaker 2:No no, no, we'll kind of save that for another day, right for sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but still being like extremely sent, sentimental, sensitive and emotional and stuff. I get very attached to things right and At least it does a little better with stuff like this. You know she was pretty wrecked when we lost him, but man, I got hit way harder for sure. Yeah, I was fucked up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was crying a lot. I'm growing ass man Just fucking balling down for sure Can't, dude, it's fucked. And yeah, he was. Uh, you know you're taking care of a special needs cat, shit like that and so the two months it was brutal. You try and drown out those feelings as much as you can. And I was talking to Reba last night, who's one of our friends, and I was just telling her about everybody asked me how the podcast is going. Yeah, everybody asked me that it's cool, it's great.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's great.
Speaker 1:But for the two months that I wasn't doing anything, I'm like, oh fuck, please don't ask me that I was kind of salty about it because I wasn't facing what I was going through. You know, and I'm doing like almost like a wellness podcast chaser dreams type shit and I couldn't do any episodes the last two months because I felt disingenuine or unauthentic and I was talking about this with with Reba. I'm like I'm going through some shit right now, but my podcast is about telling people that it's okay that you're going through shit. It's okay that you have like these bad habits or whatever's in your past. Like you can get through that. And I'm not doing that. So I don't feel like I could come up here and talk to everybody and she goes no, that's like when you do it and I'm like you know, I'm two weeks without the smoking.
Speaker 1:Right so we're sitting here. You asked me to do the episode. I'm like all right, I gotta fucking do this you know, yeah, let's just do it For sure I will do another episode where I get into my own personal thoughts of what happened in the last two months, but I appreciate you asking to come on here. I feel like we both got a lot off our chest today.
Speaker 2:Oh, for sure, and we kind of yeah, it's kind of, I think, why that's the big reason why I kind of wanted to do it, because the last couple of months has been kind of rough for both of us For sure. We kind of both had our own little setbacks on things and we kind of both needed to air it out a little bit and get it out. Yeah, get it out there, cause yeah, just yeah, bottling it obviously is never the answer.
Speaker 1:No, it's not, fuck no.
Speaker 2:But also I can also get it when it's fresh. You need some time to process it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Before you can go, talk about it, right you?
Speaker 1:know it'd be different if I was just trying to heal from it.
Speaker 2:You know.
Speaker 1:That's one thing, cause not a lot of people are doing a podcast or a writer. Not a lot of people are influencers or trying to be or like what I'm doing. So it's one thing to like heal from something like in your case or like if Lisa's going through shit or other people like. It's one thing to just like get through something and heal. It's another thing to heal and do that and then find a way to articulate it and talk about it. Yeah, it's very difficult. That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's very difficult, for sure, but I didn't want to just keep putting out fucking like episodes and not talking about it. I didn't want to, like I said, I just felt disingenuine on authentic. I'm like I'm trying to be this thing and help people and I can't even help my fucking self, Right you know? So I've been watching a lot of my Hero. Yeah, I started watching Tokyo Ghoul. There you go All right, yeah, Comfort shows.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you gotta get back to the roots. You know you gotta get back to it.
Speaker 1:So you know, like I said, we've had a rough couple months Whenever I get off of a bad habit, and this was supposed to be the idea for the second book called the Hierarchy of Habits. You know, it's like a replacement system for replacing your habits in order to get rid of the bad ones and start doing the good ones right. Yeah, and sometimes you gotta find like neutral ones, ones that can be good and ones that you can control a little bit but might still be bad, you know, I'd say like binge watching TV or video game.
Speaker 1:Binge playing video games can be a negative thing, but they are my hobbies right. And for the last two years I haven't really binged anime. I've, you know, kept it in distance. I'll watch my episodes of my new shows, you know, but it's been a while since I'll like 10, 15 episodes in a day you know it's been a while.
Speaker 1:So, and to get off of these cigars and shit, instead of playing the video games, I'm like you know what, I just gotta watch something. So I started watching my Hero to just try and like pump me up in any way she could I mean it's definitely worked. I'll tell you that much for sure.
Speaker 2:Sometimes you just need that little that you get to get the message. Watch a show to get the message. Yeah yeah, you need to kind of spark that Something.
Speaker 1:Motivation yeah.
Speaker 2:And yeah, that's yeah. In Tokyo Goal was. Tokyo Goal was the first anime that I watched, that I think that I really kind of that. I had a character like there was a message to the show that I really relayed to my life for a kind of yeah, there's multiple aspects of that show where I saw something and somebody around like oh, you know, I can relate to that or okay, he's yeah, he's seen, he's gone through similar to what I've gone through.
Speaker 1:Right, resonates with you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah really resonated with me. So, yeah, that kind of yeah.
Speaker 1:I needed that yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I try to stay away from. I try to stay away from the video games which I, as you know, I don't really. I used to play video games, but it's been a long time.
Speaker 2:I don't really play video games like that anymore, but I was never really like crazy about it, but I was never really like crazy into gaming, yeah, yeah, but but yeah, the anime is definitely one of those things where I kind of can catch myself getting very caught up in it, Right, yeah, and it's once you know how to like put the brakes on it, though right like we used to watch a lot you know, and it was like the free and most of the time when we started we were still like smoking and partying and stuff, but we loved binging anime right, and then as we like, started changing our lives for the better.
Speaker 1:We still use the anime like binging you know, fill the time and like we said, like you know, inspire us and shit like that, right, and then, once we had our really healthy routines down, you know we were able to, like put the brakes on on a little bit, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you kind of sprinkle it in because, like you said, it breaks up the monotony of your day and just you kind of need something, need something to kind of, yeah, like take away from you know everything that's gone on your day.
Speaker 1:If any tough day you need it.
Speaker 2:The mundane, yeah, yeah so now we kind of need that but also, at the same time, letting it not eat up your entire day or like let it just like take away from you know the habits you've built and things like that so.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it's nice to like watch that again. I haven't like rewatched my hero all the way through like this. I don't think I have either, now that I think about it. So obviously we're current on it. There have been times where I rewatched the first season and saw some episodes here and there. If Lisa was rewatching it One time, Shawn and I rewatched the first season together, and so this is the first time I've watched the whole thing through.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sat down and gone through it again.
Speaker 1:So I have 25 more episodes, and then I'm current.
Speaker 2:Oh, so you're like yeah. So you're like oh my God, I'm fucking there.
Speaker 1:So 113 episodes. Yeah, that sounds about right, yeah, in like two a little over, maybe two to three. So three weeks, yeah, three weeks, 110 episodes, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're good. Yeah, I went in on it. Yeah, you did go in on it. Yeah, sure, the other one I really wanna like sit down and go through again, which I don't know when they're gonna start the show back up. But Black Clover, that's definitely the one I want.
Speaker 1:You know, there's news that they're gonna and then it gets pushed back.
Speaker 2:Then it gets pushed back, you know.
Speaker 1:The manga's still coming out, so that's always a good sign. Blue Exorcist is coming out.
Speaker 2:Oh, I remember that With another season.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Blue Exorcist is coming back out Attack on Titan next month. Oh my God yeah that one that's.
Speaker 2:That was my favorite anime of all time for sure, attack on Titan.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's mine.
Speaker 2:But yeah, but obviously I gotta see how it finishes. But yeah, I'd say, yeah, that's gotta be my. I think I've rewatched that. I think three times, like to, not until this point. I think that was like the first three seasons. I've watched three times, yeah, a couple times, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Man, I can't tell you how many times I rewatched the first season.
Speaker 2:Oh, so good. Yeah, so fucking good, that's so good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so to get myself obviously like pumped up back into going to the gym or like working out and hooping again. So you know, it's nice to like watch these characters like overcome these trials and tribulations and struggles, especially like my hero, cause it's like people are trying to be heroes you know, so it helps to like see them get shredded and like be like super strong, cause I've been telling Lisa for like we've been dating for almost three years now and we're at breakfast and like God, I gotta get in shape, gotta get shredded.
Speaker 1:She goes, you've been saying this for like three years and like I know I fucking want it.
Speaker 2:I've been saying it for three. I've been saying it for like at least three years. I get really close.
Speaker 1:And then I don't know if something happens. You know, like we were saying, like once you fall out of the routine, I don't know. You know, it's just tough.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I got really really strict for a while. I got really really strict for a while, but then I kind of I did kind of ease up a little bit, but I'd always have my cheat days, like like there was cause for all the time I was doing keto. I didn't have a single cheat day for like almost a year and so, yeah, then I kind of started reintroducing and so for the last two years, like yeah, I would do like the, I would still do my five days of like working out, but then, yeah, that Saturday or Sunday I'm like I'm doing it, like I'm going to go to breakfast and I'm going to order a pizza.
Speaker 1:I want to slam.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm slamming, and so I just always knew that by doing that, I was never going to like I'm never going to by. If I continue to do that, I'm never going to have like a six pack.
Speaker 1:Like this is not going to happen.
Speaker 2:Which is fine, which is fine.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I don't really necessarily want a six pack, I just want to be in better shape.
Speaker 2:I just want to be leaner, like that's.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I want to be more muscular, yeah, you know, and that comes with lifting and I can hate lifting, yeah.
Speaker 2:And I love, I love lifting, but I it's, for me it's the cardio. Yeah, like I. Like I'll go like shoot around and play basketball Like I won't play like threes, like threes like you, but I go like I'll go shoot around for 45 minutes or something like that. But yeah, but like sitting on the treadmill or stair climber, like there's nothing more boring. Yeah, oh my God, it's so boring.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean I could. I could literally hoop for six days, seven days a week. Yeah, If I could hoop every single fucking day like I'd just do that. Yeah, you know, but my body is not able to handle the hardwood floor like that Like my knees just can't do that, you know. So, I have to find a way in order to make lifting, not even fun but you know like a priority.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, like I said, I got to start taking care of my knee, which is like plyometrics and other type of just like training and that stuff. You know.
Speaker 2:What about, like how, aesthetics type of training? Yeah, that too, yeah, so like yeah, like, I know what you're saying. Like to get more muscular. Yeah, it is like lifting is going to be the big one to you know, build muscle, but like, even you know, some type of like body weight exercises and things like that can build muscle, but it probably won't get you like very like stocky, Like kind of like that. But you'll definitely get. You'll definitely get stronger right by calisthenics and body weight training, stuff like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's what I was doing a little bit with, like the weighted vest and stuff. So I introduced that and I was just doing fucking mad pushups all day. You know, I was doing mad pushups, planks and squats with that 12 pound weighted vest on. Oh dude that's cool, and I was doing that for a month and then and then, like you know, lou passed away and like all hell broke loose and I just started smoking again.
Speaker 2:So I still have the weighted vest.
Speaker 1:I got to get back into that, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've got a. I snagged a pull up bar for my parents house and I kept saying I was like, yeah, I'm going to do pull ups every day, Nah, Nah.
Speaker 1:It's tough, it's tough.
Speaker 2:Like they really are. Like no, I can only knock out like five at a time.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Just like. But I try to like, you know I do like five and then like wait a couple of minutes and do five more, two more, yeah, but it's tough. Yeah, that's it's. Yeah, I respect. Yeah, I respect it. I used to see kids. I used to see kids I went to school with and knock out like 20, 25 and just like you are out of your mind Like. I don't know how people do. I don't know how people can do that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, me and Joe had a competition at the beach when we were camping. I think we both maxed out at like 15. That's even, that's yeah. And he's 10 pounds lighter than me too, and I'm like but he has no arm strength.
Speaker 2:No, he's got nothing. No, he's got no muscle. He's got no muscle. No, like muscle, like size at all, like he's just, he's about as lean as lean gets.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean six, one that's about as lean as he can be. Oh for sure.
Speaker 2:Cause he's what like a buck 50.
Speaker 1:Yeah, something like that.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, six, one, one, 50. Yeah, that's right, I mean I'm five, nine, five, 10, and I'm like 180, 175, 180. I got up to like. I got up to like 190, 195, like like three weeks ago. And that was, and that's when I was like oh fuck.
Speaker 1:That's when I was like.
Speaker 2:I gotta get that, yeah. So I was like I gotta start getting close again. Yeah, yeah, dude, I was never, I'm never gonna. I told myself, I was never gonna see 200 pounds again.
Speaker 1:That's a good goal though. Yeah, I mean like that's just unacceptable.
Speaker 2:That's unacceptable. That's just unacceptable. Like, yeah, cause they've been seeing like two. Like when I first started seeing like 250, I was like get the fuck out of here Are you kidding me 250?
Speaker 1:At five nine five, 10. Yeah, five nine five, 10. Yeah, 250.
Speaker 2:And that's not like a like oh you're yolk 250 or like a muscular 250.
Speaker 1:It's like nah, bro, that's some like 37% body fat fat fuck type shit Like that's not dude, that's not me.
Speaker 2:That's not me, I'm not gonna be that every no dude. That was that's. That was tough. Yeah, that was tough to see.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think I'm sitting at like 163 because I went to the doctor a few weeks ago. I usually fluctuate between like 160 and 165 now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, usually I'm around 170. Like, I'm usually around anywhere from like 175 to 185, but I try to get more. I want to get down to like 170.
Speaker 1:I'd like to be 175. I like 10 pounds of muscle, you know but, it just comes with like the eating yeah, and fucking hate Loading up on food. I hate, overeating and lifting, because that's how you build muscle, I love right, hate it.
Speaker 2:I love that cuz I get tired though.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's, the over eating part makes me tired and the problem is when I come home from work, or now, if I have to get on another book, if I got a right, if I got to do the podcast, if I have other things to do outside of my full-time fucking job, I can't just gorge yourself. Gorge myself and like put on weight working out right, because the only way through that is, in my opinion, to drink some like coffee or caffeine.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure like some people can comment on this like no, it's all willpower, no, you gotta do willpower, it's all mental, you could do it. And I'm like that's not fun, though, right, life isn't like fun like that. Yeah you know, I don't. I don't want to be so robotic Like that where it's like I have to force and push myself every aspect of the day, because then you get like burned out.
Speaker 2:Yeah for sure.
Speaker 1:And then I implode and I'm like, yeah, there's nothing, there's nothing you look forward.
Speaker 2:There's nothing you look forward to. There's no like, there's no excitement.
Speaker 1:You're just I have to do this because I have to do. Yeah, I have to do it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's nice. It's such an easy thing to fall into.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's no way to live, though.
Speaker 2:No and I'm guilty, and I'm guilty of that. Yeah, I mean, we've all been there.
Speaker 1:Especially like with what we see on social media and stuff and influencers like you got to work out, save your money, start businesses. Oh, overwork, fucking overwork. 60, 70 hours a week.
Speaker 2:You gotta do it, Otherwise you're a lazy piece.
Speaker 1:Fuck off yeah like this yeah that's not toxic.
Speaker 2:It is dude and that's not how. That's not how everybody needs to live.
Speaker 1:No, that's not that's not a life's about, no fuck.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I think that's also helped in the last year of me relaxing and kind of realizing like there's no point in being successful if you don't enjoy your fucking life right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, right, yeah, it's true. No, if you're, if you're primary motivator of everything that you do is success and like money or success, status and shit like that Like no, you're empty dude right, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, like it's. And if you don't think you're empty, you might find out in 10 to 20 years that you are in fact empty.
Speaker 2:I hate when people genuinely say that that money is happiness or money will bring you happiness, and it's like people confuse Money with like freedom and choices. That is not happiness. Right Like money can. Money can make your life easier.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it can open doors and it can alleviate your anxiety about certain things, right, yeah?
Speaker 2:but doesn't money does not. Money does not bring money, does not truly bring purpose, unless you're truly an empty person, like if if money was some big words.
Speaker 1:You know, I'll stand by you on it, though.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it's but like, but like, but let's. Let's look at it like this like if money actually did bring happiness, why would rich people kill themselves? Look at Robin will. Robin Williams, robin Williams, prime example. Yeah, one of the one of the most famous comedians of all time. Like revered, loved, like everything that you could need, or like anything that, like most people dream of. Like more money than you'd ever want right all the status, all the love he was depressed for. He was depressed for, like most of his life right.
Speaker 1:I mean, he had a lot of like mental illness problems, but he was also extremely fucking successful right at the same time. Yeah. And to the people that are like well, you got all that money, you should just be happy then.
Speaker 2:Right doesn't fix everything, he's right, you know right, like, and I'm sure, and I'm sure in his mind he probably thought that to himself was like, oh, I'm, I'm not happy and so I want to be successful and this will make me happy. Like, obviously I'm, obviously I'm speculating, but I feel like that's for sure a lot of what people think.
Speaker 1:There we go, like if I can have all this money, then I'll be okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, then I can pay my, then I can pay away my problems right and figure it out through money, and it's always be there. Yeah, yeah it goes Truly makes happy as Having people in your life that you care, that you care about and love about right love yeah that's, that's what'll, that's what'll make you truly like, truly happy and having a purpose right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, having a purpose is big. Yeah, even if it is to be with the people that you love you know, surround yourself with those people or to have like a dream, chase it. You know hobbies like just enjoying life, right?
Speaker 2:you know yeah because if you're yeah, if you're if you're working 90 hours, if you're working 90 hours a week, you're like, I'm sorry you, even if you're even 90 hours a week doing something you enjoy, it's a lot, that's a lot. Yeah that's gonna take it, that's that's also gonna take it all on you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean it's just all subjective at that, or I mean, if those people want to work like that, you know, like, then, after, like trying to get in. It's like the music industry and stuff. Like there are some people that genuinely love Producing music, making music and music and shit like that. Like there are producers out there that'll spend like 80 Hours a week like making beats. Right, like, if they're making beats they're happy. Yeah, they're. They sleep and they wake up and make beats. You know, that's fucking what they do, you know right, they're not even in it for the money.
Speaker 1:They just literally enjoy making beats, or I mean I'm enjoyed writing raps, you know, right, right. But those people found joy in their hobby right Now, working the 80 or 90 hours a week just for fucking money, and I'm like now that's, that's a little different. Yeah, cuz your your battery is gonna run dry after. Yeah, yeah for sure.
Speaker 2:No, that's not sustained, that's not sustainable.
Speaker 1:No, that isn't sustainable.
Speaker 2:No but if you ask anybody, who, who does, who does work like that, even doing something they enjoy, you're gonna ask them what they're, what truly, what truly makes them happy. That's always, I feel like most people will always turn to. Like my wife, my children, like, you know, my family, this and that right now I feel like they're not gonna say like, oh, it's my job, my beats, my whatever.
Speaker 2:Yeah whatever it is, I feel like. So they're always gonna ask. When you ask somebody what they're proud of, I feel like those turn to their family more than how much money they make or, for sure, like the status of their job or whatever. Yeah, yeah yeah, when you're, yeah, when you're. When you're, let's say, lights like the whole you know, like on your deathbed and somebody's, and like nobody talks about how much money you made or what you did For a living. You're now surrounded by your family for sure.
Speaker 1:So in those moments, yeah, so.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and this is obviously not to say don't go, try to make money, that's not what this talk is like.
Speaker 1:Chase your dreams and don't chase your dreams. I think there needs to be a healthy balance of Appreciating the people in your life yeah, and also appreciating your own, like drive and ambition, for sure you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, to balance for everything, yeah because, yeah, obviously, obviously making money does does Give you a lot of freedom and choice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, an opportunity and opportunity. Yeah, we're not gonna not say that right, right, yeah, but they just can't be your primary motivator and I and I catch that I've been there I've also been there and I feel like you burned out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's kind of, and I feel like that's kind of the mindset I've been in for the last couple of years. Few years are like everything that I've done, I kind of always set a goal for myself. It's like I'm gonna do whatever I can, to you know, make six figures by the time I turn 30. And now I've kind of as I was. I'm kind of like a few years into it, I'm kind of just like why?
Speaker 2:Why that's a great goal and all but like outside, like there's other things to you know strive for right. So it's just like that was my one Primary thing and I kind of sacrifice and I feel like I sacrificed a lot of things to have that goal, yeah, and so now you're asking yourself, you're reflecting on it, you're like yeah, damn Is that what I really want. Right? Is that truly? Is that truly gonna bring me purpose?
Speaker 1:or joy or joy or anything, anything yeah like, is that?
Speaker 2:truly gonna get me to where I feel like I need to be right, and I think those reflective moments happen after the burnout.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure in there too yeah and I think we're having like this conversation, obviously because of it right right, yeah, and that's kind of that's right.
Speaker 2:Then that's where the kind of couple of months has kind of been tough for me, because that's been a big thing. On my mind is, well, like this job, I know like the next steps from this job can get me to that goal, but now I'm saying, like, do I, is that even the goal that I want, right? So, yeah, it's, it's been, yeah, it's been a very trying couple of months mentally and emotionally and I feel that, yeah, so yeah, let's just yeah, it's I need. Yeah. So that's why I needed to kind of get this out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, appreciate it. Yeah, and I had some shit I had to get get off my chest as well. Yeah, I think we did a Maybe did a good job.
Speaker 2:No, I like this. No, this was a good. This was a good one, good episode yeah.
Speaker 1:Do you have anything else you you want to touch on now?
Speaker 2:No for this. For this one now, I think I've kind of kind of said everything I needed to say. But yeah, I don't know what kind of talk about another one. I know you're talking earlier about the, the emotional life, talking about the societal aspect of like. Like men being a man yeah that would kind of be one I'd like to like to be a part of yeah, yeah, yeah I think we're kind of both both very similar in that regard, so I feel like we can kind of touch on that for a while.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah yeah, we'll plan it and then we'll hit that one up next time for sure, yeah, um, but yeah. I think we did a really good job. This time is the first episode back in a few months. Um, appreciate you coming out anytime, man. Thanks for having me. Yeah, absolutely. Um first episode that we actually record here in the new studio other than the video calls. So, um, follow my pages. I don't know, fucking. Watch the video.
Speaker 2:Listen, I don't give a fuck what you do, do something, do just anything as anything man.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean support. Yeah, support the show. If you want I don't know, tell your friends, I don't give a fuck, just live a good life. I don't know.
Speaker 2:Take some of the shit we've been talking about. I was gonna say hopefully, hopefully got something out of what we were talking about.
Speaker 1:That's sure, whatever, whatever, it is right, that was the purpose. So, uh, yeah, I appreciate everybody coming out. Uh, stay up and feel free.
